No ke aha e piʻi ai ka Loneliness ma mua o kā mākou 30s?

Anter

• Ulu ʻo Loneliness ma hope o ke koleke
• No laila, ke kumu o ka loneliness mai ka makaʻu i ka holomua?
• Eia naʻe ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka hapanui o mākou ua ʻike pehea e hoʻēmi liʻiliʻi ai
• ʻĀ, e hoʻomaka, ke ulu nei mākou i ka pāpili kaiaulu
• Pehea e haki ai i ke kaapuni

Hiki paha i ko mākou makaʻu i ka holomua - ʻaʻole ka pāpili - ke kumu o ka mehameha.

ʻEono mau makahiki i hala aku nei, ʻo Naresh Vissa ka 20-mea a mehameha.

Ua hoʻopau wale ʻo ia i ke koleke a noho ʻo ia nona iho no ka manawa mua i kahi lumi lumi lumi hoʻokahi, me ka haʻalele ʻole iā ia.

E like me nā 20-somethings ʻē aʻe, noho male ʻo Vissa. ʻAi ʻo ia, hiamoe, a hana ma ka home.

"E nānā wau ma waho o kaʻu puka aniani ma ka Hikina Hikina o Baltimore a ʻike i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i ko [lākou] 20 mau makahiki e pāʻina ana, e hele ana i nā lā, a me ka manawa leʻaleʻa," wahi a Vissa. "ʻO kaʻu wale nō e hiki ai ke pani i nā makapō, hoʻopau i kaʻu mau kukui, a nānā i nā ʻāpana o 'The Wire.'"

Ua manaʻo paha ʻo ia e like me ke kanaka mehameha hoʻokahi wale nō i kāna hanauna, akā mamao loa ʻo Vissa i kona mehameha.

Ulu ʻo Loneliness ma hope o ke koleke

Kūlike ʻole i ka manaʻo kaulana e hoʻopuni ʻia ʻoe e nā hoaaloha, nā ʻahaʻaina, a me nā leʻaleʻa i kou 20 a 30 mau makahiki, ʻo ka manawa ma hope o ke koleke ka manawa ke piʻi aʻe ka loneliness.

ʻO kahi noi 2016 i paʻi ʻia ma Developmental Psychology i ʻike ʻia, ma waena o nā kāne, nā piko o ka mehameha ma mua pono o kāu 30s.

I ka makahiki 2017, ua hana ʻo Jo Cox Loneliness Commission (kahi ʻōlelo Pelekane e kuhikuhi i ka pilikia hūnā o ka loneliness) i kahi ana e pili ana i ka mehameha me nā kāne ma UK a ʻike ʻo 35 ka makahiki o ko lākou wahi mehameha loa, a he 11 pākēneka i ʻōlelo ʻia mehameha i kēlā me kēia lā.

Akā ʻaʻole kēia ka manawa a ka hapanui o mākou, e like me nā kamaliʻi, e moeʻuhane nei e pili ana i ka holomua? Ma hope o nā mea āpau, nā hōʻike e like me "Kaikamahine Hou," a me "Nā Hoa" a me "Will & Grace" ʻaʻole i hōʻike i kou 20 a 30 mau makahiki me he mehameha lā.

Loaʻa paha iā mākou nā pilikia kālā, nā pilikia ʻoihana, a me nā ʻōkupe aloha, akā me ka mehameha? Ua hoʻopau ʻia ia i ka wā a mākou e hana ai iā mākou iho.

Ua noʻonoʻo lōʻihi nā Sociologists ʻekolu mau kūlana koʻikoʻi i ka hana hoaaloha ʻana: kahi kokoke, hana hou a hoʻolālā ʻole ʻia, a me nā hoʻonohonoho e paipai i ka poʻe e waiho i kā lākou kiaʻi. Hōʻike iki ʻia kēia mau kūlana i ke ola ma hope o ka hala ʻana o nā lā o kou lumi lumi.

"He nui nā kaʻao e pili ana i ke ʻano o nā makahiki he 20 a ʻoi paha," wahi a Tess Brigham, ka mea laikini laikini me Kapalakiko i loea i ka mālama ʻana i nā ʻōpio a me nā millennial.

"Manaʻo ka hapa nui o kaʻu mau mea kūʻai aku i kahi ʻoihana kupaianaha, e male - a i ʻole ma ka hana ʻana - a loaʻa kahi ola kaiaulu kupaianaha ma mua o ko lākou huli ʻana i 30 a i ʻole ua kūleʻa lākou i kekahi ʻano," wahi a Brigham.

Nui kēlā mau mea e lawe ai, keu hoʻi i ka manawa like.

No laila, ke kumu o ka loneliness mai ka makaʻu i ka holomua?

A i ʻole hoʻohālikelike wale nō ka moʻomeheu moʻomeheu me he mea lā ʻo ʻoe wale nō ka mea e hemahema ana, a ʻo ia ka mea e haʻalele ai iā ʻoe ma kahi mehameha.

"Inā ʻoe e hoʻohui i ka pāpili kaiapili, ʻo ia ke ola o nā mea ʻē aʻe e pīhoihoi, hana ia i nā ʻōpio he nui a me ka nalo," wahi a Polika.

"ʻOiai piha nā makahiki he 20 i ka pīhoihoi a me ka pīhoihoi, ʻo ia nō ka manawa o kou ola ke hoʻoholo ʻoe i kou ʻano a me ke ʻano o ke ola āu e makemake ai e ola."

Inā he poʻe ʻē aʻe - a ʻo kēlā mea kēia mea ma ka pāpili kaiaulu, me nā influencers a me nā mea kaulana - me he mea lā ke ola nei lākou i kēlā ola ma mua o kou, alakaʻi paha ia iā ʻoe e manaʻo ua kūleʻa ʻoe. ʻIke paha ʻoe i ka makemake e hoʻi hope hou aku.

Akā ʻo ka hoʻohui ʻana i ka pilikia ka mea ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻole mākou e loli pehea mākou e hana ai i mau hoaaloha ma hope o ke koleke. I loko o kou mau makahiki kula, hiki ke hoʻohālikelike ʻia ke ola me ka noho ʻana i ke kau o nā "Hoa." Hiki iā ʻoe ke pop a i waho o nā lumi moe o kāu buddies me ka ʻole ke kikeke.

I kēia manawa, me nā hoaaloha e pālahalaha ana i ke kūlanakauhale a me nā poʻe āpau e hoʻāʻo nei e hoʻopuni i ko lākou ala ponoʻī, e lilo ana i mau hoaaloha i mea paʻakikī a paʻakikī hoʻi.

"He nui nā ʻōpio makua ʻaʻole pono e hana i ka hana ʻana a me ke kūkulu ʻana i ka launa aloha," i ʻōlelo ʻo Brigham. "ʻO ke kūkulu ikaika ʻana i kahi kaiāulu o ka poʻe e kākoʻo iā ʻoe a hana ʻana i nā hoaaloha e hoʻohui i kekahi mea i ko lākou ola e kōkua ia me ka mehameha."

Ua noʻonoʻo lōʻihi nā Sociologists ʻekolu mau kūlana koʻikoʻi i ka hana hoaaloha ʻana: kahi kokoke, hana hou a hoʻolālā ʻole ʻia, a me nā hoʻonohonoho e paipai i ka poʻe e waiho i kā lākou kiaʻi. Hōʻike iki ʻia kēia mau kūlana i ke ola ma hope o ka hala ʻana o nā lā o kou lumi lumi.

"Mālama ʻo Netflix ʻaʻole pono lākou e kali no ka hopena aʻe o ka pule aʻe; Hāʻawi ka Pūnaewele wikiwiki i kā lākou kelepona iā lākou i ka ʻike āpau o ka honua me kahi manawa kali o 5 kekona; a i ka pili ʻana i nā pilina, ua hōʻike ʻia lākou i kahi hiʻohiʻona swipe-to-dismiss o ke kūkulu ʻana i ka pilina. " - ʻO Mark Wildes

Wahi a Alisha Powell, he limahana limahana 28 makahiki ma Wakinekona, DC, ua mehameha ʻo ia. ʻOiai ʻaʻole ʻo ia i kahi keʻena, ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī iā ia e hālāwai me nā poʻe.

"He makemake nui koʻu i kekahi mea i kekahi," wahi a Powell. "Ua ʻike wau ʻoiai hiki iaʻu ke ʻike i ke kanikau a me nā hanana maikaʻi ʻole e aʻu iho no ka mea ke lana nei wau, ʻo nā manawa mehameha aʻu ke hauʻoli. Makemake au i kekahi e manaʻo nui mai iaʻu e hoʻoliʻoli me aʻu, akā ʻaʻole lākou ma laila a ʻaʻole ma mua. "

Wahi a Powell no ka mea ʻaʻole ʻo ia e ukali nei i ke ola o ka hana ʻeiwa a ʻelima, male ʻana, a me ka hānau ʻana o nā pēpē - ʻo ia nā ala āpau e kūkulu ikaika ai i kahi kaiāulu - paʻakikī iā ia e ʻike i ka poʻe e hoʻomaopopo hohonu iā ia a loaʻa iā ia. ʻAʻole ʻo ia e ʻike i kēlā mau poʻe.

Eia naʻe ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka hapanui o mākou ua ʻike pehea e hoʻēmi liʻiliʻi ai

Ke hoʻopahū mai nei nā noiʻi iā mākou e pili ana i ka hemo ʻana mai nā pāpili kaiaulu; e haʻi ana nā mea paʻi iā mākou e kākau i loko o kahi puke pai mahalo; aʻo ka ʻōlelo aʻo maʻamau he maʻalahi loa ia: e hele i waho e hālāwai me nā poʻe i ke kanaka ma mua o ka mālama ʻana i kahi leka a, e like me ka mea maʻamau i kēia manawa, he DM DM Instagram.

Loaʻa iā mākou.

No laila, no ke aha mākou e hana ʻole ai? No ke aha, ke kaumaha wale nei mākou e pili ana i kahi mehameha o mākou?

ʻĀ, e hoʻomaka, ke ulu nei mākou i ka pāpili kaiaulu

Mai nā makemake o Facebook iā Tinder swipe, ua hoʻopuka nui paha mākou i ka Dream American, e hoʻopili ʻia ana ka lolo no nā hopena maikaʻi wale nō.

"Ua ulu aʻe ka makahiki makahiki millennial me ko lākou mau pono e hoʻokō wikiwiki a wikiwiki ʻia," wahi a Mark Wildes, ka mea kākau o "Beyond the Instant," kahi puke e pili ana i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka hauʻoli i loko o ka wikiwiki, ka honua kaiapili.

"Mālama ʻo Netflix ʻaʻole pono lākou e kali no ka hopena aʻe o ka pule aʻe; Hāʻawi ka Pūnaewele wikiwiki i kā lākou kelepona iā lākou i ka ʻike āpau o ka honua me kahi manawa kali o 5 kekona, "wahi a Wildes," a i ka wā e pili ana i nā pilina, ua hāʻawi ʻia lākou i kahi hiʻohiʻona swipe-to-dismiss o ka kūkulu pilina. "

ʻO ke kumu, aia mākou i kahi pōʻai kolohe: makaʻu mākou i ka stigmatized ʻia ʻana no ka mehameha, no laila mākou e hoʻi ai i loko o mākou iho a ʻike mākou i kahi mehameha.

ʻO Carla Manly, PhD, psychologist psychologist i Kaleponi a me ka mea kākau o ka puke e hiki mai ana "Joy Over Fear," e hōʻike ana i ka hopena o kēia pōʻaiapau inā mākou e hoʻomau.

ʻO ka hopena o kahi mehameha e hoʻohilahila ai ʻoe, a makaʻu ʻoe i ka hele a haʻi ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē ʻē ʻoe mehameha. "Ke hoʻomau nei kēia pōʻai hoʻomau hoʻomau - a hopena pinepine i nā manaʻo ikaika o ke kaumaha a me ke kaʻawale," wahi a Manly.

Inā mākou e hoʻomau i ka noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ke ola i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka mea a mākou e makemake ai ke makemake ia, e hopena wale ia.

ʻO ke kī i ka pale ʻana i ka mehameha e hoʻi i ka mālama maʻalahi ʻana - ʻike ʻoe, kēlā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo maʻamau a mākou e lohe pinepine nei: e hele i waho a hana i nā mea.

ʻAʻole paha ʻoe e hoʻolohe a hoʻihoʻi ʻia paha ʻoe. Weliweli paha ia. Akā ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻike inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e nīnau.

"ʻAʻohe hoʻoponopono wikiwiki ke pili i ka loneli a i ʻole kekahi o ko mākou mau manaʻo paʻakikī," i ʻōlelo ʻo Polika. "E lawe i nā ʻanuʻu ke kumu e hōʻoluʻolu ʻole ʻoe no kekahi manawa."

Pono ʻoe e hele hoʻokahi a hele wāwae paha i kahi mea hou ma ka hana e nīnau iā lākou inā makemake lākou e ʻai i ka ʻaina awakea me ʻoe. Hiki iā lākou ke ʻōlelo ʻaʻole, akā ʻaʻole paha. ʻO ka manaʻo e ʻike i ka hōʻole ʻia ma ke ʻāpana o ke kaʻina hana a ʻaʻole ka ālai.

"ʻO ka hapa nui o kaʻu mau mea kūʻai aku e noʻonoʻo pono a kālailai a hopohopo e pili ana i ka mea e hana inā loaʻa iā lākou kahi 'ʻaʻole' a ʻano lapuwale paha lākou," i ʻōlelo ʻo Brigham. "I mea e kūkulu ai i ka hilinaʻi iā ʻoe iho, pono ʻoe e hana a kau pono i ka lawe ʻana i ka manawa kūpono a waiho iā ʻoe iho (ʻo ia ka mea i kāu kaohi) ʻaʻole i ka hopena (kahi i waho o kāu kaohi)."

Pehea e haki ai i ke kaapuni

Ua hoʻokau ka mea kākau moʻolelo ʻo Kiki Schirr i kahi pahuhopu i kēia makahiki o 100 mau hōʻole - a ua hele no nā mea āpau āna e makemake ai. Ua hoʻololi ʻia ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hoʻokō i kāna pahuhopu no ka mea ʻo ka nui loa o kēlā mau hōʻole i lilo i mau ʻae ʻia.

Pēlā nō, inā he mau hoaaloha a i ʻole nā ​​pahuhopu ola, ke ʻike nei i nā hōʻole ma ke ʻano he holomua ke lilo i pane i ka hoʻokahuli ʻana i kou makaʻu i ka holomua.

A i ʻole, inā ʻo ka media media kou nāwaliwali, pehea inā, ma kahi o ke kau ʻana me ka noʻonoʻo FOMO (makaʻu i ka nalo ʻana), hoʻāʻo mākou e hoʻololi i ke ala a mākou e noʻonoʻo ai i nā ʻike o haʻi. Maliʻa paha ka manawa e lawe i ka JOMO (ʻoliʻoli o ka nalo ʻana) ma kahi.

Hiki iā mākou ke hauʻoli no kēlā poʻe e leʻaleʻa nei i ko lākou manawa ma kahi o ka makemake e noho mākou ma laila. Inā he pou e kahi hoaaloha, e leka iā lākou a nīnau inā hiki iā ʻoe ke kau pū me lākou i ka manawa aʻe.

ʻAʻole paha ʻoe e hoʻolohe a hoʻihoʻi ʻia paha ʻoe. Makaʻu paha ia. Akā ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻike inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e nīnau.

Ua haki ʻo Vissa mai kāna pōʻaiapuni o ka mehameha ma ke kau ʻana i nā pahuhopu maʻalahi: heluhelu i kahi puke hoʻokahi manawa i ka mahina; e nānā i kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻoni i kēlā me kēia lā; e hoʻolohe i nā pāhawewe; kākau i nā hoʻolālā ʻoihana maikaʻi, nā lālau hōʻiliʻili, nā kumuhana puke - nā mea maikaʻi āpau; hoʻoikaika kino; pau ka inu ʻana; a hooki i ka launa pū ʻana me nā poʻe maikaʻi ʻole (i hoʻopili pū ʻia me Facebook ma Facebook).

Ua hoʻomaka pū ʻo Vissa i ka launa pūnaewele ʻana, a ʻoiai ʻo ia e noho male ʻole ana, ua hālāwai ʻo ia me nā wahine hoihoi.

I kēia manawa, ʻokoʻa kāna ʻano i ka puka aniani.

"Ke hele wau i lalo a kaumaha paha, hele wau i kaʻu papa ʻaina, nānā i waho o koʻu puka aniani e nānā ana i ke kaona lani ʻo Baltimore, a hoʻomaka wau i ka pāʻani a me ke mele ʻana i nā kīʻaha a Anna Kendrick," wahi a Vissa. "Ma hope o kaʻu pau ʻana, nānā au i luna, hoʻolei i koʻu mau lima i ka lewa, a ʻōlelo," Mahalo. "

ʻO Danielle Braff ʻo ia ka mea hoʻoponopono i ka makasina ma mua a me ka mea nūpepa nūhou i hoʻohuli i ka mea kākau manuahi i lanakila i ka makana, kūikawā i ke ʻano o ke ola, olakino, ʻoihana, kūʻai kūʻai, makua, a me nā huakaʻi huakaʻi