E loaʻa i kahi hoʻokalakupua kupaianaha: E kamaʻilio me ia

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ʻOiai hiki iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio me kāu kāne e pili ana kekahi mea, ke pili i ka moekolohe, ʻike paha ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i kahi hilahila a paʻa i ke alelo (kamaʻāina?). Ma hope o nā mea a pau, ʻo ka noi ʻana i kāu mea e makemake ai i loko o ke keʻena moe he mea weliweli loa ia, ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i ʻike pehea e loaʻa ai.

"ʻIke pinepine mākou iā mākou iho i loko o nā moe kolohe ʻaʻole no ka mea ʻaʻole mākou ʻike i ka mea a mākou e makemake ai, akā no ka mea ʻaʻole mākou ʻike pehea e noi ai," wahi a Emily Morse, sexologist, a me ka mea hoʻokipa o ka Sex With Emily podcast. Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole pono ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka moekolohe a hōʻoluʻolu paha, wahi a Morse. A pili ia alahele ʻoi aku ma mua o ka ʻoluʻolu me ka ʻōlelo pelapela. E hoʻohana i kēia mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo loea e kōkua i ke alakaʻi ʻana iā ʻoe ma waena o kāu kamaʻilio moekolohe ʻana - a i kahi ʻoi aku ka ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ʻo O.

E wawahi i na pale-me na huaolelo

ʻAʻole ia he mea maʻamau no ka pākahi i ka pilina e paʻi i ka 'wawahi moekolohe' ke hiki ke kamaʻilio ākea e pili ana i ka moekolohe āpau, wahi a Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. E hele mai e like me ʻoe: ʻO ka ʻepekema hou kahaha e hoʻololi i kou ola wahine. He mea ʻoiaʻiʻo loa kēia no nā wahine, hilahila paha i kā lākou moekolohe ʻana, a makaʻu paha i ke kamaʻilio kīnā ʻole ʻana, i ʻōlelo ʻo ia.

I kēia kūlana, ʻo ka hana mua e kamaʻilio i waho. E hoʻomaka me kahi nīnau maʻalahi: He aha kāu e makaʻu ai ke hiki ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka moekolohe? ʻO ke kamaʻilio ʻana i kāu mau makaʻu e pili ana i nā mea e paʻa ana iā ʻoe i ka mua hiki ke kōkua iā ʻoe e holomua. (I ka manawa e ʻōlelo nui ai ʻoe iā ia i kāu hoa, ʻaʻole paha lākou e makaʻu a ʻike ʻole paha ma hope o nā mea a pau.) Eia kekahi, "ʻo nā mea e pale ai i ke kamaʻilio ʻana mai ka hana ʻana he mau mea pale i ka leʻaleʻa moekolohe," wahi a Nagoski. (A laila, e nānā i nā kamaʻilio 7 āu e pono ai no kahi ola olakino olakino.)

ʻO ka manawa a me kahi mea

Manaʻo ka hapa nui o nā kāne he maikaʻi ke kamaʻilio ʻia nā kumuhana āpau ke kū aʻe, wahi a Morse. A ʻoiai e pili ana kēia i ka wā e pili ana i nā kīʻaha lepo, ʻaʻole ia heʻoiaʻiʻo e pili ana i ka moekolohe. E koho pono i kou mau manawa, wahi a Morse. A e hoʻomanaʻo, "ʻaʻohe kumu o ka kamaʻilio wahine, pono e hana ʻia nā kūkākūkā e pili ana i ka lumi moe ma kahi mamao loa mai ke keʻena moe e like me ka hiki, ma kahi kūlana kūʻokoʻa e like me ka lumi kuke a i ʻole ka lumi noho," wahi a Morse. "ʻAʻole loa lākou e kū pololei ma mua, ma hope pono, a i ʻole ka wā moekolohe."

ʻO ke ʻano moekolohe ʻole, ʻaʻohe puʻe ke kī nui ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i kahi mea hou āu e makemake ai e hoʻāʻo, wahi a Nagoski. E hāpai i kēlā kamaʻilio me kahi mea hōʻole e like me, "Aia kekahi mea aʻu e makemake ai e hoʻāʻo a hopohopo wau pehea ʻoe e hana ai. Makemake wau e kamaʻilio wale e pili ana, me ka ʻole o ke kaomi," hoʻohui ʻo ia. A inā ʻoe e loaʻa ana i ka hopena o kēia kamaʻilio, mai hoʻopau koke i ke kamaʻilio ʻana. "Ma ka pōʻaiapili paha me kahi hoa āu i hilinaʻi maoli ai, hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo i kahi ala e hiki ai ke hana iā ʻoe. Inā pēlā, ua loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi mea hou a pīhoihoi hoʻi. ʻAʻole pono kāu pane mua, " wahi a Nagoski.

ʻAʻole pono ka kamaʻilio ʻana i ke kamaʻilio ʻana

I ka wā e kamaʻilio ai i ka wā o ka hana ponoʻī, maikaʻi loa ke kamaʻilio me ka ʻole o nā huaʻōlelo, inā aia ka maopopo, wahi a Nagoski. ʻOiai ʻoluʻolu kekahi poʻe e ʻōlelo ana he 'paʻakikī', 'wikiwiki', a hoʻohana paha i nā huaʻōlelo genital, aia kekahi ʻōnaehana kamaʻilio maikaʻi hoʻi. Ke hele mai nei paha me kahi ʻōnaehana helu (ʻo ia hoʻi "Inā ʻōlelo wau 'ʻeiwa' mai kū") a i ʻole ke kukui ʻulaʻula, kukui melemele, ʻōnaehana ʻōmaʻomaʻo ʻōmaʻomaʻo, ʻo ke kī ke kūkākūkā mua.

Mai noʻonoʻo ʻoe e pono e loaʻa koke i nā mea āpau, a i ʻole-ʻike ʻoe i kāu ʻano kamaʻilio kūpono i ka manawa. ʻO ke kūpono, ʻaʻole pono e lōʻihi ka aʻo ʻana o kāu hoa pili i ka ʻokoʻa ma waena o kāu ʻuhū 'I'm really into this' a me kāu 'I'm bored' uē.

Malama Mau

He mea ʻole ke ʻano o ka pono o kāu pilina, ʻo ka moekolohe a maʻa mau ke kumuhana touchy. No laila ʻoiai ʻaʻole ʻoe e kō i kou mau manaʻo, e hoʻomanaʻo e hoʻonui i ka maikaʻi. "E hoʻokau i ka mea nui i ka hana pono a kāu hoa," wahi a Morse. "E hoʻomau i ke kamaʻilio me ka hoʻopiʻi ʻole ʻia e ka pili ʻana i nā ʻōlelo" I "ma kahi o nā ʻōlelo" You "(ʻo ia nō" manaʻo wau he wahine maoli ia inā hoʻāʻo ʻoe e iho i lalo iaʻu "versus," ʻAʻole ʻoe e iho iaʻu.). "

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