E ʻoluʻolu e heluhelu i kēia inā hōʻino ka pilikanaka i kāu ola pili aloha

Anter

• 1. E hoʻopono
• 2. Hoʻomaʻamaʻa!
• 3. E leka uila i kahi hoa ma mua e paipai ai
• 4. E hōʻea i kahi liʻiliʻi
• 5. E hoʻomanaʻo i kāu CBT
• 6. Pāʻani palekana ia

"ʻAe, pili kēia."

ʻO ia nā ʻōlelo hoʻokalakupua aʻu i hoʻopuka aku ai i kaʻu kāne i kēia manawa ʻo Dan i ka wā a māua i hui mua ai. ʻAʻole ia i kōkua ua hele mua ʻo ia no ka ʻapo, ʻoiai he kanaka paʻa lima wau. Akā, ua pīhoihoi wau iā ia me kaʻu ʻōlelo hoʻomaka.

Hiki i ka hopohopo pilikanaka ke hana paʻakikī i ka launa pū ʻana… a i ʻole, inā heʻoiaʻiʻo wau, hana ia i kahi moeʻuhane. Ma ke ʻano he mea inaina i nā nīnauele, ʻaʻole maikaʻi loa kaʻu hana ma ka lā. Ma hope o nā mea āpau, ʻo ka lā mua kahi ʻano ninaninau pilikino pilikino loa - koe wale me nā cocktails (inā laki ʻoe).

ʻO kahi laʻana, ua manaʻo kekahi o koʻu mau hoaaloha pili loa he aliʻi wahine hau wau i ko mākou hui mua ʻana. Inā makemake nui wau i kahi kanaka - i ke ʻano aloha a i ʻole - aloha wau i ke alo alo a pale i ka ʻike maka. Ua hele au ma ke ʻano luhi a hoihoi ʻole paha, akā ʻo wau wale nō kahi hanana hopohopo. ʻO ka makaʻu i ka ʻōlelo ʻana i ka "mea hewa" a i ʻole ke ʻike ʻana e like me ka mea nalo e hoʻopau nui ana.

Akā hoʻi i kaʻu lā mua me kaʻu kāne: Ua hōʻea wau i ke kahua kaʻaahi ma kahi o 10 mau minuke i ka wanaʻao, ka hou ʻana i nā bākeke, a me ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa no ka pono e puka i waho a ma mua o kaʻu hana lapuwale iaʻu iho.

Akā, ma hope koke iho, ua noho au i ka pā me ia, ke piʻi nei koʻu mahana. ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke hemo i kuʻu palule no ka mea ke nui nei ka hou - ʻaʻohe mea e makemake e ʻike i nā kiko o ka hou! Lulu koʻu mau lima i hiki ʻole iaʻu ke kiʻi i kaʻu kīʻaha waina, inā e ʻike ʻo ia.

Dan: "E haʻi hou mai iaʻu e pili ana i kāu hana."

ʻO wau (kūloko): "E haʻalele i ka nānā ʻana iaʻu, pono wau e inu i kuʻu waina."

ʻO wau (waho): “A, hana wale wau i ka paʻi ʻana. He aha kāu hana?"

Dan: "ʻAe, akā, he aha kāu hana ma ka paʻi ʻana?"

ʻO wau (kūloko): “[E hiamoe]”

ʻO wau (waho): "ʻAʻohe mea nui, hahaha!"

I kēia manawa, kūlou ʻo ia i lalo e nakinaki i kona kāmaʻa kāmaʻa, a i kēlā manawa ua iho maoli wau i ka hapalua o kaʻu kīʻaha. Ua lawe kēia i ka lihi o koʻu aʻa. ʻAʻole ka hopena ʻoi loa, akā he aha kāu e hana ai. ʻO ka mea pōmaikaʻi, ua makemake ʻo ia iaʻu e like me aʻu nei. Ua haʻi hope wau iā ia e pili ana i ka hopohopo kaiāulu (ʻoiai e laka ʻia i loko o kahi lumipaku hōkele i ka wā hoʻomaha ... moʻolelo lōʻihi). ʻO ke koena ka moʻolelo.

ʻO kaʻu mau ʻike i hāʻawi mai iaʻu i ka ʻike he nui e kōkua ai nā hoʻolālā - a ʻo nā hana hea e kōkua ʻole ai - ke hiki mai i ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi wahi hālāwai ma waena o kahi ola aloha a me ka noho ʻana me ka hopohopo pili kaiaulu. Lana koʻu manaʻo he kōkua paha kēia mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo aʻe!

1. E hoʻopono

ʻAʻole wau i manaʻo e loaʻa ka hopohopo pili kaiāulu ke hui ʻoe. ʻO wau e hoʻopono e pili ana i ka wahi āu e ʻoluʻolu loa ai. ʻO kahi laʻana, inā ʻōlelo lākou i ke kīloi ʻana, ka ʻaina ʻana i ka hale ʻaina, a i ʻole kekahi mea ʻē aʻe e makaʻu ai iā ʻoe, a laila e ʻōlelo pēlā. He paʻakikī ka loaʻa ʻana o ka hopohopo kaiāulu me ka hōʻoluʻolu ʻole i kāu mau wahi. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e hele i kahi kikoʻī. E ʻōlelo wale ʻoe e like me, "ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole wau he peʻa o kēlā" a i ʻole "makemake wau e hana [X], inā maikaʻi ia."

2. Hoʻomaʻamaʻa!

ʻO kekahi o nā mea nui e pili ana i nā polokalamu aloha ʻo ia hāʻawi lākou iā ʻoe i ke koho e hālāwai me nā poʻe hou. Inā ʻoe e ʻike i ka neʻe ʻana i ke ʻano o ka pilina, no ke aha e kūkulu ʻole ai i kou hilinaʻi ma ka hele ʻana i kekahi mau lā hoʻomaʻamaʻa?

3. E leka uila i kahi hoa ma mua e paipai ai

ʻLelo pinepine wau i kekahi mea e like me, "Ke hele nei wau i waho ... e ʻoluʻolu e haʻi iaʻu i koʻu kupaianaha!"

4. E hōʻea i kahi liʻiliʻi

Ma ka wahi ma mua o ka hiki i kāu lā ke hāʻawi iā ʻoe i manawa e acclimatize a ʻoluʻolu. Akā, mai hōʻea ma mua o 10 mau minuke i ka wanaʻao!

5. E hoʻomanaʻo i kāu CBT

Hana i kahi ʻano noʻonoʻo behavioral therapy (CBT) "Thought Record" ma mua e hoʻopiʻi i nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole.

6. Pāʻani palekana ia

ʻAʻole maopopo ka lā mua i ka manawa e hoʻāʻo ai i kahi lauoho hou a i ʻole nānā makeup. ʻO ka hiki wale nō ke hele hewa a pau e lawa ia i kāu pae stress. E maʻalahi wale nō. Koho i kekahi mea e ʻoluʻolu ai ʻoe akā hilinaʻi hoʻi.

Ke hele nei i kahi lā ke loaʻa iā ʻoe ka pīhoihoi kaiāulu hiki ke makaʻu i ka makaʻu, akā ʻaʻole pono kou hopohopo e kāohi iā ʻoe mai ke ola ola. Lawe i kekahi mau hanana olakino hiki ke hana i kahi honua o ka ʻokoʻa!

ʻO Claire Eastham kahi mea kākau blog a me kahi mea kākau maikaʻi loa o "We Are All Mad Here." Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohui me ia kāna pūnaewele aiʻole tweet iā ia @ClaireyLove.