8 Nīnau e nīnau ai ma mua o ka moekolohe ʻana me ia

Anter

• Ua hoʻāʻo ʻia ʻoe?
• Male 'ia paha' oe?
• Makemake ʻoe i kāu hana?
• Kaa maikaʻi! ʻO ia ka mea āu e hoʻohana ai no ka ʻohi ʻana i nā moa?
• He hoaaloha anei ʻoe me kāu Ex?
• La lauoho ino, huh?
• He aha kaʻu mau mea e manaʻo ai?
• ʻAʻole wau e ʻike hou iā ia?
• Nānā no

ʻOiai nā mea ʻoniʻoni e haʻi mai iā mākou, ʻaʻohe kānāwai paʻakikī a wikiwiki e pili ana i ka wā e moe kolohe ai ʻoe me kāu kāne hou no ka manawa mua. ʻElima paha mau minuke ma hope o kou hui ʻana me ia, a ma hope paha o ka male ʻana-ʻaʻohe o ka hoʻokolokolo!

Akā no ka lōʻihi o kou kali ʻana, aia kekahi mau nīnau iā ʻoe pono e nīnau i kāu hoa a iā ʻoe iho ma mua o kou moe ʻana. ʻIke ʻia kekahi - ʻaneʻane ʻike ka poʻe a pau e nīnau e pili ana i nā STI a me ka mana hānau, a he mea kūpono ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i kahi e hele ai ka pilina. Akā ʻaʻole pololei ka nīnau ʻē aʻe. No ka laʻana, pehea ʻoe e nīnau ai i kahi kāne āu i ʻike ai inā he haʻaheo haʻaheo ʻo ia i ka moena? Māmā: ʻAʻole ʻoe. Akā ʻaʻole ia manaʻo ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo me nā nīnau liʻiliʻi liʻiliʻi. Ua kamaʻilio mākou i ka poʻe loea, e like me kahi luna CIA mua, e noʻonoʻo i nā pane āu e pono ai ma mua o kou pili ʻana me ia-a he aha nā nīnau kūpono e ʻike ai i nā hae ʻulaʻula.

Ua hoʻāʻo ʻia ʻoe?

Nā Kiʻi Corbis

He ʻoihana koʻikoʻi nā STI, a ʻo ia hoʻi ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻonani i ke kumuhana ma muli wale nō o ke kūlike ʻole o ka naʻau, i ʻōlelo ʻia e ka mea noiʻi moekolohe kanaka ʻo Nicole Prause, Ph.D. "Hōʻike ka ʻikepili i ka wā e ʻōlelo ai ka poʻe 'Maʻemaʻe wau,' ʻo kā lākou manaʻo maoli ʻaʻole lākou i ʻike i nā ulu ikaika," wahi a Prause. "A i ka wā e ʻōlelo ai lākou ua 'hoʻāʻo maʻemaʻe,' ʻōlelo pinepine lākou e pili ana i ka maʻi HIV. ʻO ke ala maʻalahi e hoʻohaʻahaʻa i kēia kamaʻilio ʻana ʻo ka hoʻāʻo ʻana iā ʻoe iho. "ʻO ke kumu maʻamau o ka lawe ʻole ʻana o ka poʻe STI me kahi hoa kūpono no ka mea ʻaʻole lākou i hoʻāʻo ʻia," i ʻōlelo ʻia ʻo Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., he loea pili ma ke Kulanui o Indiana a me ka mea kākau o ka puke i hoʻokuʻu hou ʻia. ʻO ka Coregasm Workout. "Maopopo iā lākou e hoʻi hou ana ka nīnau iā lākou. E hoʻāʻo iā ʻoe iho, a e ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ke kamaʻilio ʻana." (Ke noi nei e pili ana i ka mōʻaukala hōʻike kekahi o nā kamaʻilio 7 āu e pono ai no kahi ola olakino olakino.)

Male 'ia paha' oe?

Nā Kiʻi Corbis

ʻOiai he pilina pili wale kēia, makemake ʻoe e ʻike inā ke ʻike nei ʻo ia i nā wahine ʻē aʻe. A pono ʻoe, wahi a Herbenick, no ka mea - ʻo ka lili ma kahi ʻē - he mea nui e ʻike i ke ʻano o ke kūlana āu e komo ai iā ʻoe iho. Manaʻo ka hapanui o mākou inā pili aloha kekahi kāne ʻaʻole ʻo ia i hoʻopalau ʻia, akā, ʻe, ua lohe mākou āpau i nā moʻolelo. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole paha e hele pololei mai kahi kāne male a hōʻoiaʻiʻo, akā ma ka nīnau pololei ʻana iā ia, e kau ʻoe iā ia ma kahi kūpono ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke moe mālie. E nīnau i kēia nīnau ma ke ʻano hoʻohenehene, a laila hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohana ia mea ma ke ʻano he paepae e ʻōlelo ai, "ʻAʻole, akā koʻikoʻi, ke ʻike nei ʻoe i nā wahine ʻē aʻe?" (ʻAʻole maopopo? Wahi a kēia Infidelity Survey, ʻo ka hoʻopunipuni ka mea maʻamau i waena o nā kāne male ma mua o ka mea āu e manaʻo ai.)

Makemake ʻoe i kāu hana?

Nā Kiʻi Corbis

He aha kāu hana? Nanea paha ʻoe? He aha ke ʻano o ka lā hana maʻamau? Makemake ʻoe i kāu mau hoa hana?

Mai nīnau iā ia i kēia mau nīnau i ka manawa hoʻokahi-ʻaʻole ʻoe e nīnau hou iā ia. Akā ʻo ka nīnau ʻana i nā nīnau kikoʻī ʻehā a ʻelima paha e pili ana i hoʻokahi kumuhana he ala maʻalahi ia e ʻike ai i kahi mea wahaheʻe, e like me ka ʻōlelo a ka luna hoʻomalu huna CIA i haʻalele ʻia ʻo B.D. Foley, mea kākau o ʻO CIA Street Smarts no nā Wahine. "I ka CIA, hoʻāʻo mākou e loaʻa kahi moʻolelo uhi e ola ai ʻekolu mau nīnau," wehewehe ʻo Foley. "Ma hope o ʻekolu mau nīnau, lilo i mea paʻakikī ka mālama ʻana i ka uhi, no laila mākou e hoʻāʻo e hoʻohuli hou i ke kamaʻilio. ʻO kēia paha ka mea a ka mea wahaheʻe e hana ai." ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e hopu iā ia ma kahi hana hoʻopunipuni e ʻike ai inā he wahaheʻe ʻo ia, e hoʻolohe wale inā hoʻomaka ʻo ia e pale i ka wā e hohonu loa ai ka laina o ka nīnau. A e hoʻomanaʻo: Inā he wahaheʻe ʻo ia e like me kāna ʻoihana (ʻoiai inā he mea hoʻohiwahiwa iā ʻoe), ua wahaheʻe paha ʻo ia no nā mea ʻē aʻe.

Kaa maikaʻi! ʻO ia ka mea āu e hoʻohana ai no ka ʻohi ʻana i nā moa?

Nā Kiʻi Corbis

ʻO ka flattery nā mea āpau - ke hoʻāʻo nei ʻoe e hoʻokiʻekiʻe, wahi a Foley. Hōʻailona inā loaʻa iā ia kahi ʻeona e, me ka hao, stroking iā ia. "Kāhea ʻia kēia he 'ptery ploy,'" wahi a Foley. "ʻO kahi kanaka maʻamau, haʻahaʻa e lawe me ka ʻoluʻolu, a hilahila paha. Akā ʻo ka mea haʻaheo e hoʻohana i kāu mau huaʻōlelo e like me kahi mea lele e haʻaheo ai iā lākou iho a i kā lākou hana paha." Inā lawe ʻo ia i nā mahalo āpau āu e hāʻawi aku ai iā ia a ukali iā ia me kahi kamaʻilio he 10 mau minuke e pili ana i kona kupaianaha, ʻaʻole paha ʻo ia ke ʻano kāne āu e makemake ai e hiamoe (heluhelu: ʻano pilikino, a me ka pīhoihoi paha i ka moena).

He hoaaloha anei ʻoe me kāu Ex?

Nā Kiʻi Corbis

ʻO ke ʻano o kāna kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i nā pilina i hala e hiki ke hōʻike ʻia, wahi a New York-based psychologist Ben Michaelis, Ph.D., mea kākau o ʻO kāu mea nui aʻe: ʻumi mau ʻanuʻu liʻiliʻi e neʻe ai a hauʻoli. "Inā mahalo ʻo ia ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i kahi ipo aloha, he hōʻailona maikaʻi kēlā e mahalo ʻo ia iā ʻoe," wehewehe ʻo ia. He mea ʻino paha ka noi ʻana i kahi kāne e hōʻike i kāna mōʻaukala pili, no laila e alakaʻi i ka nīnau me kekahi ʻike (inoffensive) e pili ana. kou nā pili i hala. "Ma ka CIA, kapa mākou i kēia 'hāʻawi e loaʻa,'" wahi a Foley. "Ke hāʻawi ʻoe i kekahi ʻike e pili ana iā ʻoe iho, e manaʻo ka mea ʻē aʻe e koi i ka ʻoluʻolu." (A laila hou, Eia ke kumu o ʻoe ʻAʻole pono E hoa aloha me kou Ex.)

La lauoho ino, huh?

Nā Kiʻi Corbis

He mea koʻikoʻi ka palekana, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi inā pili ʻoe me kahi hoa hou. Akā inā ua hui wale ʻoe me ia, ʻaʻole paha ʻoe i loaʻa ka manawa e ʻike ai i kāna kala ʻokoʻa. ʻO ka mea nui loa e hoʻokuʻu aku i ka huhū a i ʻole nā ​​​​pilikia kaohi, hiki ke pilikia ia mau mea ʻelua inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻolālā e ʻike hou iā ia. No ka hoʻoholo inā he kāne maʻamau a i ʻole he mea pepehi serial paha ia, manaʻo ʻo Foley e hoʻohana i kahi hana "hoʻonāukiuki haʻahaʻa". Eia pehea e hana ai: Hoʻolālā iā ia me ka hoʻomāʻewaʻewa ʻana iā ia e pili ana i kahi mea āna e haʻaheo nei, e like me kāna kaʻa hou a i ʻole kāna ʻumiʻumi lauoho maikaʻi. "ʻAʻole hiki i ka poʻe me nā ʻano kolohe ke pale aku i ka poke e like me kēia," wahi a Foley. "E huhū a huhū paha lākou. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o ka ʻike ʻana i ka puka ʻana o kēia ʻano i loko o kahi pā, ke hoʻopuni ʻia ʻoe e nā kānaka, ma mua o ka lumi moe." E hoʻomanaʻo wale nō e hoʻomālamalama. ʻAʻole ʻoe e hoʻāʻo e hōʻeha iā ia (a ʻo kekahi poʻe maoli paʻakikī e pili ana i ko lākou lauoho!).

He aha kaʻu mau mea e manaʻo ai?

Nā Kiʻi Corbis

Ma mua o kou hiamoe ʻana me ia, he mea nui e nīnau iā ʻoe iho i kāu mea e makemake ai i ka moe kolohe a me ka pilina. Hiki pinepine nā manaʻo ikaika i ka wā e uhai ʻia ai kāu mau manaʻo, e like me ka wā i lanakila ʻole ai ʻoe i kahi makana a hauʻoli, a i ʻole ke kaumaha nui i ka make hikiwawe, wahi a Prause.No ka mea, makemake ʻoe e hoʻokalakupua i ka moekolohe ma mua o ka hiki ʻana mai, kiʻekiʻe kou mau manaʻo. He pilikia paha kēlā inā ʻaʻole ʻoe mākaukau e hana i ka hāʻule. ʻAʻole ia he mea nui inā ʻoe e ʻimi nei i kahi kū hoʻokahi pō a i ʻole kahi pilina lōʻihi (a i ʻole kekahi mea ma waena), e ʻoiaʻiʻo a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e pili ana i ka mea āu e manaʻo ai e hana i ke kakahiaka ma hope (a he aha kāu ʻano. maikaʻi), wahi āna.

ʻAʻole wau e ʻike hou iā ia?

Nā Kiʻi Corbis

I kekahi manawa paʻakikī ka hoʻopono iā ʻoe iho e pili ana inā hiki iā ʻoe ke lawelawe i kahi pilina maʻamau, no laila ke ʻōlelo nei ʻo Herbenick e noʻonoʻo ana i ka hanana ʻoi loa o ka hihia. "Inā ʻae kāu pane, a laila e hele no ia," wahi a Herbenick. "Akā inā ʻaʻole, makemake nō ʻoe e kali a hiki ʻo ia ʻAe, a i ʻole a mākaukau ʻolua no kahi pilina koʻikoʻi." (I kēia manawa, ʻaʻole ʻo ia wale nō ka mea me kekahi mau haʻawina home ed sex! Brush up on the 8 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Sex.)

Nānā no