13 mau ala e kiʻi ai i kahi kauka e lawe iā ʻoe (Nui loa) Nui inā ʻeha ʻoe

Manaʻoʻiʻo ʻoe ʻaʻole wahaheʻe ʻoe?

Pehea mākou e ʻike ai i ke ʻano o ka honua a mākou e koho ai - {textend} a me ke kaʻana like ʻana i nā ʻike i hiki ke hoʻopaʻa i ke ʻano o kā mākou mālama ʻana kekahi i kekahi, no ka maikaʻi. He kuanaʻike mana kēia.

E ʻōlelo mākou ua ʻeha ʻoe i ka ʻeha no kekahi manawa, mau makahiki paha.

Ke noʻonoʻo nei, no ka naive loa, ʻo ka ʻeha mau no nā mahina ma hope ʻaʻole maʻamau, hele ʻoe i kāu kauka. Kauoha ʻo ia i ka hana koko a malia paha he X-ray a i ʻole he sonogram. E hoʻi maʻamau nā hopena āpau, no laila hoʻokuʻu kāu kauka i kāu hopohopo.

Hoʻāhewa paha ʻo ia iā ʻoe ma ke ʻano he ʻimi lāʻau, ʻoiai ʻo ka poʻe wale nō me ka ʻeha "maoli" e make a wahaheʻe paha.

Loaʻa iaʻu. Ua hala iaʻu he 32 mau makahiki e kiʻi i kahi kauka e lawe pono i koʻu ʻeha - {textend} a e loaʻa kahi hōʻailona me kahi maʻi maʻi hoʻopili aʻu i hānau ʻia ai me kēlā kauka ʻole i ʻike i kaʻu mau ʻōuli maopopo o ka.

ʻAʻole wau makemake e kali ʻoe i mau makahiki he mau makahiki no ka pane. No laila eia kekahi mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a me ka maʻalea i hana ʻia i mea e hoʻolohe ai kāu kauka iā ʻoe, e lawe pono i kou ʻeha, a - {textend} gee-whiz-gosh-golly! - {textend} kōkua paha.

1. E ʻōlelo “ʻeha au.” E nānā a hoʻokuʻu ʻia paha, no ka mea ʻaʻole hiki ke maikaʻi ʻole. E waiho me kou huelo ma waena o kou mau wāwae, wabbit maʻamau ʻoe.

2. E ʻōlelo "ʻeha loa wau." I kēia manawa e pane aku kāu kauka! Me kahi ʻōwili a ka maka. Hahai ʻia e kahi hoʻomanaʻo e maikaʻi ʻole kāu hana koko āpau a ʻaʻole ʻoe e "nānā maʻi." E haʻalele i ke keʻena o ke kauka, ʻo ʻoe ka mea hoʻonui nui, ʻo ʻoe!

3. E hoʻokomo i kahi pihi e ʻōlelo ana, “Hoʻomanaʻo aloha: ʻeha au.” E pin i kou pālule e ʻōlelo nei, E nānā pono iā ʻoe i kou puʻu a no laila ke kīkē ʻoe i kou alelo a ʻōlelo "ah," e ʻike ʻo ia i kāu peʻa alelo hou e ʻōlelo ana: "LAWE ANEI ʻoe i kahi hoʻohiki."

4. E lawe mai i kahi mīkini polygraph i kāu koho hou ʻana. E hōʻoia inā pili ʻoe iā ia ke hoʻomanaʻo ʻoe i kāu doc ​​aia ʻoe i loko o ka ʻehaʻeha, ʻeha o kēlā me kēia lā. E hoʻomaopopo ʻo ia ʻoiai ke koi nei ka mīkini ʻaʻole ʻoe wahaheʻe, ʻaʻole uhi kāu ʻinikua i nā hōʻike polygraph, a no laila, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke lawe i nā hopena i ka hoʻoholo ʻana i kāu hoʻolālā lapaʻau, ʻo ia hoʻi ʻo yoga.

5. Ke hōʻike nei kāu kauka iā yoga, e haʻi koʻikoʻi iā ia he maikaʻi ʻole kou ʻeha a hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke hana yoga. No laila, inā hiki iā ia ke kōkua me kēia ʻeha ākea a me nā ʻehaʻeha e lohi, e hoʻonāwaliwali mau nei iā ʻoe i kēlā me kēia pule - {textend} inā he lāʻau hoʻoikaika kino a i ʻole nā ​​lāʻau ʻeha a i ʻole he loea a i ʻole, ʻike ʻoe, i kekahi mea - { textend} hoʻohiki ʻoe e lawe i ka papa yoga.

6. Kākau i kahi alakaʻi i kapa ʻia "A 30 Second Primer on Basic Human Decency" a leka uila ʻole iā ia i kāu kauka i ka pule ma mua o kāu koho ʻana.ʻAʻole ʻo ia e heluhelu - {textend} ʻo ia ka catch-22 o ka decency primer.

7. E kau i kou mau lima i ke kapa kukui māmā. E ʻokiʻoki i ʻelua mau ʻōlani ʻulaʻula a humuhumu ma luna o nā kukui melemele a me nā ʻōmaʻomaʻo. I ka manawa o kāu kau e hiki mai ana, mai hāʻawi i kāu lole ʻehaʻeha. Lawe ke kauka i kou lole o ʻekolu mau kukui ʻulaʻula a hoʻomaka e nīnau "No ke aha?" ʻO kēia ke mele aku ʻoe me, “No ke aha lākou a pau ai ke kukui? Hauʻoli ʻoe i nīnau ai! No laila ʻoe e STOP me ka nānā ʻole i koʻu ʻeha. "

8. Lawe i kāu corgi no ka minamina no ka mea hiki i kēlā pupule wily me kēlā mau maka nui ʻeleʻele ke kiʻi i kekahi kanaka e hana i kekahi mea nona, a pili pū me ka hoʻohuli ʻana i nā kauka lapaʻau e lawe i ka ʻeha o kona makuahine. Inā ʻaʻohe ou corgi, hiki iā ʻoe ke hōʻaiʻē i kaʻu.

9. Hōʻaʻahu e like me ka clown. Uē, uē i kou waimaka clown nui kaumaha. "E Kauka," e noi ʻoe, "ʻōlelo lākou e uē malū wale nā ​​clowns. Akā e nānā iaʻu e hele! ” E kuhi ka kauka iā ʻoe me "Crocodile Tear-Itis" a hāʻawi paha iā ʻoe i kahi referral psych ma mua o ka haʻalele ʻana iā ʻoe mai kāna hana. I kēlā pō e noʻonoʻo ai ʻoe i kou noho lūlū, e ʻaʻahu mau ana i kou kapa komo, e namunamu ana iā ʻoe iho i kou hoʻāʻo ʻana e noʻonoʻo i kahi i hewa ai nā mea āpau, "Akā ... makemake nā poʻe āpau i kahi clown."

10. ʻO ka uku kīpē kahi hopena e hoʻi ʻole i hope i ke ahi. Nui paha kāu kauka i ke kālā, akā waiwai ʻoe i ka ʻeha! Hoʻomoʻa iā ia i keke ʻeha. A i ʻole e kiʻi i kekahi o ia mau buzzers mea hou i hoʻowahāwahā ʻia e nā kumu kula haʻahaʻa a haʻalulu iā ia ke lūlū ʻo ia i kou lima. Ke haʻaheo ʻo ia, wehewehe, "ʻĀnō ua ʻike ʻoe i koʻu ʻano! E kamaʻilio kāua no ka mālama ʻana i ka ʻeha. ”

11. E kiʻi i kāu pakanā a i ʻole hoa aloha e hele pū me ʻoe e ʻaahu ana i ka pālule ʻo “ʻO wau me ka lapuwale” no laila ʻōlelo ia, “ʻO wau me kaʻu mea aloha e ʻehaʻeha nei a makemake wau e hoʻolohe iā ia a haʻalele i ka hana ʻana iā ia ʻOi aku ka paʻakikī o ke ola. ” E hōʻoia iā lākou e hoʻonohonoho iā lākou iho i kuhikuhi ai ka pua iā ʻoe.

12. E hele i ke kula kauka a lilo i kauka, e noʻonoʻo i ke kumu o kou ʻeha, e hoʻōla iā ia me kahi huhū, hou hou, kipi, kipi Nobel – e lanakila i ka lāʻau hou. ʻAʻohe ʻeha ʻoe i kēia manawa, akā mai haʻalele i ka nānā ʻana. E ʻānai pono iā ia i ka maka o kāu kauka a mai poina ʻaʻole ʻoe i hana i kēia mau mea āpau e hoʻōla ai i kou ʻeha, akā e hōʻino iā ia.

13. Make i mua o kāu kauka, me nā manamana lima i hele (e hoʻonui i ka manawa o ke ola hou ʻana iā ʻoe). Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e make, e ʻōlelo paha ia ua hoʻonui loa ʻoe.

Inā make ʻoe, hauʻoli nō! He maoli kou ʻeha, he maʻi nui ʻoe, a ʻo nā mea āpau e kanalua iā ʻoe e kala mai. Makemake mākou e kūleʻa nui ʻoe i ka lā ma hope.

ʻO Ash Fisher kahi mea kākau a mea hoʻohenehene e noho nei me hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos maʻi maʻi. Ke loaʻa ʻole kahi wobbly-pēpē deer-lā, ke hele wāwae nei ʻo ia me kāna corgi, ʻo Vincent. Noho ʻo ia ma ʻOakland. E aʻo hou e pili ana iā ia ma kāna pūnaewele.