8 o na lulu nui loa o ke ola, i hooponoponoia

Anter

• Ke neʻe nei ʻoe
• Ke hele nei ʻoe ma o ka male hoʻokaʻawale
• Ke male nei ʻoe
• E neʻe aku kāu hoa aloha maikaʻi loa
• Lilo Kāu Hana
• Hāpai ʻoe no ka manawa mua
• Loaʻa i kahi mea āu e aloha ai i kahi nūhou weliweli
• He make kokoke i ka home
• Nānā no

ʻO ka hoʻololi wale nō i ke ola. Ua lohe mākou a pau i kēia ʻōlelo, akā he ʻoiaʻiʻo - a he mea weliweli paha. ʻO nā kānaka e like me ka hana maʻamau, a me nā loli nui, a ʻoi aku ka ʻoluʻolu o ka poʻe hāpai ʻana a male paha, no ka laʻana-hiki ke hana i kekahi ʻano kaumaha i kou haʻalele ʻana mai kahi kamaʻāina i ka mea ʻike ʻole ʻia, wahi a Cheryl Eckl, ka mea kākau o Ke Kaʻina Hana MAU: E noho ana ma ka maka o ka loli.

Akā no ka piha mau ʻana o ke ola i kēia mau hoʻololi ʻana, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kā mākou makemake e aʻo pehea e hoʻololi ai. Ma hope o nā mea āpau, ke ʻapo ʻana i ka loli-ma kahi o ke kaua ʻana iā ia-e hoʻoikaika ai ʻoe. Eia, ʻewalu o nā haʻalulu nui o ke ola, hauʻoli a me ke kaumaha, a pehea e alo ai i kēlā me kēia me ka poise.

Ke neʻe nei ʻoe

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"He hōʻailona ko mākou home i ka wā i hala, nā hoʻomanaʻo, ka palekana, a me ka manaʻo paʻa. Ke neʻe mākou, haʻalulu kēia mau mea a pau, "wahi a Ariane de Bonvoisin, ka mea haʻi'ōlelo, kumu, a me ka mea kākau o ʻO nā lā 30 mua: ʻO kāu alakaʻi e hana maʻalahi i nā hoʻololi.

ʻO kāna ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo maikaʻi loa: ʻOiai ʻoe e ʻohi ai, e hāʻawi i ka mea hiki loa-mai hoʻopili i kāu mea kahiko no ka hōʻoluʻolu. "Ke haʻalele nei mākou i nā mea mai ko mākou wā i hala, hana maoli mākou i kahi no nā hanana hou, nā ʻike hou, nā poʻe hou, a me nā mea hou e hiki mai ana i loko o kā mākou ola," i ʻōlelo ʻo ia. Eia nō naʻe, e paʻa i nā mementos pilikino, e like me nā puke pai, nā kiʻi a nā keiki, a me nā kiʻi familiy. ʻAʻole wale ke ʻano maoli o kēia mau mea, akā hiki iā lākou ke kōkua iā ʻoe e hoʻolilo i kou hale hou i hale.

Ke hana ʻoe i ka neʻe ʻana, e hana ʻoluʻolu a ʻoluʻolu hoʻi kou hale hou i ka hikiwawe i hiki ai iā ʻoe ke manaʻo i ke kahua. ʻO nā kikoʻī liʻiliʻi ia e kōkua, wahi a de Bonvoisin. A hana i ka nui o ka hele wāwae ʻana a puni kou kaiāulu hou-e ʻike i kahi hale kūʻai kope nani, ka hale hoʻoikaika kino, kahi pāka hou, a hoʻāʻo e wehe a aloha hoʻi i nā mea āpau.

Ke hele nei ʻoe ma o ka male hoʻokaʻawale

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"ʻO ka hopena o ka male he ʻano nalowale - ua lilo ʻoe i ke poʻo o ka wahine, kou home, a me kou mau manaʻolana a me kāu mau hoʻolālā no ka wā e hiki mai ana me kēlā kanaka, no laila ke kumu o ke kaumaha," wahi a Karen Finn, Ph.D., mea hana o ke kaʻina hana hoʻokaʻawale hana. A inā paha ua hāʻule mua ʻoe i ke aloha me kāu ex, ʻo ka hoʻomaka ʻana i kahi mokuna hou me ka ʻole o ia he mea paʻakikī, kaumaha, a mehameha.

No kahi hana mua, aʻoaʻo ʻo Finn i ka penning ʻana i kahi "leka uila," e helu ana i nā mea āpau āu e kaumaha nei no ka nalo ʻana. E kōkua kēia hoʻoikaika kino iā ʻoe e hōʻoia i ke kaumaha, wahi a Finn. A laila, e kākau i kahi "leka aloha" a hoʻokomo i nā mea āpau āu e nānā nei i mua e hana ai i ka wā e hiki mai ana, kahi e kōkua ai e hoʻohuli i kou manaʻo mai ke kaumaha i ka ʻae ʻana i ka maikaʻi i kou ola.

Ma hope aʻe? E ʻike hou iā ʻoe iho. E nānā hou i nā hana āu i hana ai i kou wā kamaliʻi, e like me ka hulahula a pena ʻana paha, wahi a Finn. A i ʻole e kipa i ka Meetup.com, kahi pūnaewele pūnaewele o nā hui kūloko e hui nei e komo i nā hana like ʻole, mai ka holo ʻana, ka ʻai ʻana, a i ka hui puke. "Ke ʻeha ʻoe, makemake ʻoe e peʻe, akā ʻo ka ʻike wale ʻana i nā mea leʻaleʻa āu e hana nei hiki ke hoʻoikaika iā ʻoe," wahi a Finn. ʻAʻole ʻoe i ʻike i ka mea e ʻike ai āu e leʻaleʻa ai, a i ʻole ʻoe e launa pū ai i ke kaʻina.

Ke male nei ʻoe

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ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i ke kaula hiki ke lilo i kekahi o nā manawa hauʻoli loa o kou ola, akā "ʻo ka male ʻana kekahi o nā hoʻololi ʻino loa a mākou e hoʻomanawanui nei ma ke ʻano he kanaka," wahi a Sheryl Paul, he kākāʻōlelo a me ka mea kākau. Hoʻololi ʻike: ʻO 7 mau loli maʻamau (a me Traumatic). ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua hoʻohālikelike ʻo Paulo iā ia me ka "ʻike make," ma ke ʻano e pono ai mākou hoʻokuʻu o ka ʻike i loaʻa iā mākou ma mua ma ke ʻano he kāne male ʻole.

Inā ʻoe e ʻike nei i nā jitters ma mua o ka male male, e kamaʻilio me kāu hoa a kākau paha e pili ana iā ia-ʻo ka mea nui ka ea ʻana i kēlā mau manaʻo. "Ke hoʻoneʻe wale ka poʻe iā lākou, hiki iā lākou ke ʻike i ke kaumaha a i ʻole nā ​​hihia ma hope o ka lā male," wahi a Paul. "ʻO ka poʻe i loaʻa nā lā male hauʻoli loa ka poʻe e ʻae iā lākou e hoʻokuʻu i nā manaʻo i loko a hoʻomaopopo i ka mea a lākou e hoʻokuʻu nei."

ʻO ka mea kōkua pū kekahi: Hiki iā ia ke lilo i papa hoʻomaka no ʻoe e lawe i nā pilikia hou a e ʻimi i nā ʻano hou o ʻoe iho.

E neʻe aku kāu hoa aloha maikaʻi loa

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Ua lohe ʻoe ma mua: Maʻalahi loa ka mālama ʻana i nā pilina ke hiki i nā poʻe ʻelua ke ʻike i kekahi i kekahi ma ke ʻano maʻamau a wānana hoʻi. No laila ke neʻe aku kekahi, "ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻae i ka manaʻo o ka nalo a me ka noʻonoʻo inā hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomau i ka pilina pili lōʻihi," wahi a Irene S. Levine, psychologist a me ka mea nāna i hana TheFriendshipBlog.com.

Inā he hana kāu BFF ma ʻō a ʻō o ka ʻāina (a i ʻole he mau hola ʻelua), ma mua o ka ʻōlelo ʻana, 'E noho kāua i ka pili,' e hana i kahi hoʻolālā paʻa ke hui pū ʻoe, e ʻōlelo ana ʻo Levine. E hana i kahi hoʻomaha hoʻomaha makahiki a i ʻole hapalua makahiki i hiki iā ʻoe ke hauʻoli i ka manawa pau ʻole a hana i nā hoʻomanaʻo hou. I kēia manawa, e hoʻohana i ka ʻenehana i kou pono: hiki i kahi Skype, FaceTime, a i ʻole Google Hangout ka mea maikaʻi loa e hopu ai i kahi moe e like me kāu ma mua.

No ka hoʻoponopono hou ʻana i ke ola me ka ʻole o kou hoa, mai kuhi hewa i ka manaʻo ua loaʻa i kēlā me kēia kanaka kā lākou mau hoaaloha; pilau ka launa aloha ʻana a makemake nui nā poʻe āu e hui ai e like me kou ʻoliʻoli e hoaaloha like me ʻoe, i ʻōlelo ʻo Levine. E kākau inoa ma kahi studio yoga hou, e lawe i kahi papa kākau, a i ʻole e hui pū me kahi hui kaiaulu e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke hahai i kou mau makemake a hui pū me nā poʻe hou e like me kāu mau makemake.

Lilo Kāu Hana

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"Ma ke ʻano he mākua, hoʻolilo mākou ma kahi o 75 pākēneka o ko mākou ala ala i ka hana, a ʻike mākou iā mākou iho e pili ana i nā mea a mākou e hana ai," wahi a Eckl. "Ke nalowale mākou i kahi hana, ʻo ka nalo ʻana o ka ʻike e makaʻu maoli i nā kānaka."

ʻO ka ʻōlelo ʻo "kahi ukana i kaʻana like ʻia, he ʻāpana ia" paʻa ia ke hoʻokuʻu ʻia ʻoe, i ʻōlelo ʻia ʻo Margie Warrell, he kumu aʻoaʻo aʻo Forbes kolamu 'oihana. ʻO ke kamaʻilio ʻana i kahi hoaaloha hiki ke lilo i therapeutic hohonu, keu hoʻi inā ʻo ia i kahi ʻano like iā ia iho. "Manaʻo ʻoe e lawe i hoʻokahi pule a ʻelua paha e" kiʻi i kāu mau bearings ", akā inā ʻaʻole ʻoe lawa ka waiwai e hoʻolilo i hoʻokahi makahiki e holoholo ai i ka French Riviera, ʻoi aku paha ka maikaʻi o kāu lawelawe ʻana ma ka hoʻi ʻana i ka lio a ʻike i ka mea e hiki mai ana. " ia nei.

Ke komo hou ʻoe i ka mākeke hana, e hoʻomanaʻo e kōkua ka noʻonoʻo a me ka noʻonoʻo maikaʻi iā ʻoe e kū i waho. "Ua ʻoi aku ka hoihoi o nā mea hana i ka poʻe i ʻae ʻole i ka hoʻihoʻi ʻana iā lākou," wahi a Warrell. E wehewehe i ke ʻano o ka manawa hoʻomaha i hiki ai iā ʻoe ke loiloi hou i ke ala o kāu ʻoihana, hoʻomaikaʻi i kou mākaukau ʻoihana, hoʻolilo manawa manawaleʻa, a i ʻole e launa pū me ka ʻohana. He aha kāu e pale ai i nā nīnauele? ʻO kēlā me kēia ʻōlelo e hoʻolilo iā ʻoe ma ke ʻano he pōʻino a i ʻole e hoʻopiʻi i kāu mea hana a luna paha, wahi āna. A mai poina e mālama iā ʻoe iho: ʻO ka mālama ʻana i kāu mau hoʻomaʻamaʻa maʻamau e lawelawe maikaʻi iā ʻoe ʻaʻole wale i ka wā pōkole, akā kōkua pū kekahi iā ʻoe e hoʻokele maikaʻi i ke kaumaha a kūkulu i ka hilinaʻi e kōkua iā ʻoe e hoʻokaʻawale iā ʻoe i ka wā lōʻihi. wehewehe ʻo Warrell.

Hāpai ʻoe no ka manawa mua

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Ke kū aʻe ka hōʻailona plus ma kahi hōʻike hāpai, ʻike ʻoe i ke ola e like me kou ʻike e loli ana. "ʻO ka hoʻololi nui loa me ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi keiki ʻo ka neʻe ʻana mai kahi noho ponoʻī iā ia iho i ka lawelawe ʻana i kahi kanaka liʻiliʻi," wahi a de Bonvoisin. Hiki i ka heluhelu ʻana i nā puke a me nā ʻatikala ke kōkua iā ʻoe e kiʻi i nā mea kūpono, akā ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole pili ka hapa nui a hiki i kou paʻa ʻana i kahi pēpē i kou mau lima.

A inā hopohopo ʻoe, e ʻike he mea maʻamau loa ia. ʻO Jill Smokler, makuahine o ʻekolu a mea hoʻokumu o ScaryMommy.com, i hoʻokuʻu ʻia e kāna hāpai mua (hoʻolālā ʻole ʻia). "Ua male au, akā ʻaʻole loa nā keiki ma kaʻu radar," i hoʻomanaʻo ai ʻo ia. He mea maʻalahi i kōkua iā ia e hoʻoponopono: Ke kūʻai ʻana i nā lole pēpē ma nā hale kūʻai keiki. "Ua hauʻoli loa au i ka nānā ʻana i nā kāmaʻa liʻiliʻi!" ia nei. "Eia kekahi, ua kōkua ʻia kahi ʻīlio, no ka mea, ua aʻo mua mākou e hoʻoponopono i kā mākou papa kuhikuhi e pili ana i kā mākou holoholona pono-e hoʻomaʻamaʻa maikaʻi no ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi pēpē."

ʻO ka hope, e hoʻolōʻihi i ka manawa e hana ai i kāu pili. E like me ka momona a me ke aloha me kāu hoa i ka manawa o ka eiwa mau mahina. "ʻOiai ʻo ia ka mea maikaʻi loa i loaʻa, e lawe ʻo ia i kahi lua no kekahi manawa ke hiki mai ke pēpē," wahi a de Bonvoisin.

Loaʻa i kahi mea āu e aloha ai i kahi nūhou weliweli

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"ʻO ka mea paʻakikī e pili ana i kahi mea aloha e pili ana i kahi maʻi koʻikoʻi a i ʻole ʻeha ʻo ia ka manaʻo o ka nele i ka loaʻa ʻole iā ʻoe. ʻAʻohe mea e hiki iā ʻoe ke hana i hiki ke hana maikaʻi," wahi a Eckl, nāna i kākau e pili ana i ka mālama ʻana i kāna kāne me ka maʻi ʻaʻai i He make nani: e kū pono ana i ka wā e hiki mai ana me ka maluhia.

I ka manawa ma hope koke iho, e hoʻomanaʻo ʻaʻole ia e pili ana i kāu ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo, a i ʻole āu e manaʻo ai he pono lākou e hana, wahi a de Bonvoisin. "E hoʻāʻo e noho maikaʻi a e ʻike pono lākou e ʻike ana ʻoe ma laila no kekahi mea e pono ai lākou, kahi e ʻokoʻa ai i kēlā me kēia lā." (Inā ʻo ʻoe ka mea mālama, mai poina ʻoe pono e mālama iā ʻoe iho.) A e mālama i ke kanaka e like me kāu i hana ai ma mua: E ʻakaʻaka me lākou, e hoʻopili iā lākou, a mai ʻike iā lākou he maʻi. "ʻAʻole maʻi ko lākou ʻuhane a hoʻopā paha i kekahi ʻano," wahi a de Bonvoisin.

Eia kekahi, e noʻonoʻo e hui pū me kahi hui kākoʻo no nā poʻe ʻē aʻe e pili ana i ka maʻi a i ʻole ke kamaʻilio ʻana me ke kākāʻōlelo a i ʻole ka lāʻau lapaʻau, wahi a Eckl. "Hiki i kēia ke kōkua i ka normalize i nā mea āpau loa iā ʻoe a kōkua iā ʻoe e hana me nā huhū kūlohelohe i ka mālama ʻana i kahi mea āu e aloha ai ʻo ka maʻi." ʻO nā hui kaiaulu no nā maʻi e like me MS, Parkinson's, a i ʻole Alzheimer hiki ke hāʻawi i ke kākoʻo naʻau, ke kōkua ʻana i nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo, nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo e pili ana i nā mea āu e manaʻo ai i nā pae ʻokoʻa, a me ka hoʻomaha mai ka manaʻo ʻo ʻoe wale nō. ʻO kahi kumuwaiwai ʻē aʻe a Eckl i ʻōlelo ai, ʻo Share the Care, kahi mea e kōkua ai i ka poʻe e hoʻonohonoho i kahi pūnaewele mālama e mālama no kekahi mea maʻi nui.

He make kokoke i ka home

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Ke hala ka mea āu i aloha ai, he loli nui ia ʻaʻole hiki i kekahi ke hana maʻalahi, wahi a Russell Friedman, ka luna hoʻokele o ka Grief Recovery Institute. ʻOiai no kekahi e like me Friedman, ka mea e hana pū ana me ka poʻe kaumaha ma ke ʻano he ʻoihana a ʻike ʻoi aku ma mua o ka hapa nui e pili ana i ke kaumaha, ʻo ka make ʻana o kona makuahine he ʻano ʻē.

ʻO ka hana mua: E ʻimi i kekahi e hoʻolohe wale iā ʻoe-ʻaʻole e hoʻāʻo hoʻoponopono ʻo ʻoe, wahi a Friedman. "ʻO ka mea āu e kamaʻilio nei e like me ka 'naʻau me nā pepeiao,' hoʻolohe me ka nānā ʻole ʻana." He mea nui ia e ʻike i kou mau manaʻo, a me ke kamaʻilio ʻana me kekahi hiki iā ʻoe ke neʻe iā ʻoe mai kou poʻo, a i loko o kou puʻuwai.

ʻOiai, ʻaʻohe kau o ka manawa e ʻae ai i kekahi e "loaʻa" i ka make ʻana o kahi mea aloha. "ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ia ka kaʻao hoʻopunipuni loa e pili ana i ke kanikau ke hoʻōla ka manawa i nā ʻeha āpau," wahi a Friedman. "ʻAʻole hiki i ka manawa ke hoʻoponopono i ka puʻuwai haʻihaʻi ma mua o ka hiki ke hoʻoponopono i kahi palahā pālahalaha." ʻO ka mea ma mua e maopopo ai ʻaʻole e hoʻōla ka manawa i kou puʻuwai, ʻo ka maʻalahi o ka hana ʻana iā ʻoe iho e ʻae iā ʻoe e neʻe i mua, i ʻōlelo ʻo ia.

Nānā no