Ka hana ʻana me ke aloha pau ʻole

Anter

• He aha nā ʻano ʻokoʻa?
• He aha nā hōʻailona?
• ʻAʻole hoihoi kou aloha i ka holomua ʻana o ka pilina
• Lohi lākou i ka pane ʻana i nā kono, nā leka, a me nā kelepona
• ʻO ka hōʻole ʻana i nā hōʻailona ʻaʻole hoihoi lākou
• Ke hoʻohana nei i nā mea āu e ʻike ai e pili kokoke ana iā lākou
• Keʻike nei i ka nui o nā naʻau ʻoluʻolu ʻole
• Ke hakakā nei e haʻalele iā lākou mai kou manaʻo
• Aia kekahi ala e hana ai me ia?
• E kamaʻilio e pili ana…
• ... akā, mai hoʻolōʻihi
• Manaʻo i kou mau manaʻo ...
• … A laila hoʻohuli iā ʻoe iho
• E hoʻololi i kāu kahawai
• E ʻike i ke ʻano o ka ʻike
• E nīnau iā ʻoe iho i kāu mea e makemake maoli ai
• I ka manawa e loaʻa ai ke kōkua
• Inā ʻoe e kōkua i kēia manawa
• He aha inā ʻo ʻoe ka mea e manaʻo like ʻole?
• ʻAʻole kōkua ka hōʻalo maʻamau
• Hāʻawi i ke aloha
• E akāka i kāu hōʻole
• Ke laina lalo

Ua hala paha kahi aloha i kahi mea kaulana i manaʻo ʻole ʻo ʻoe? Nā manaʻo lingering no kahi ex ma hope o ka haki ʻana? A i ʻole ua aloha nui ʻoe me kahi hoa aloha akā hūnā ʻoe i kou mau manaʻo.

Hōʻike kēia mau ʻike i ke aloha i hana ʻole ʻia, a i ʻole ke aloha i kūlike ʻole. Inā ʻaʻole hohonu kou mau manaʻo ma mua o kahi haki koʻikoʻi, ʻaʻole paha ʻoe e kaumaha nui loa na lākou. Akā hiki i ka ʻeha o ke aloha hoʻokahi ʻaoʻao ke hoʻolōʻihi ke aloha maoli ʻoe i kekahi.

He aha nā ʻano ʻokoʻa?

I kekahi manawa o ke ola, ua loaʻa paha iā ʻoe ma mua o hoʻokahi hoihoi aloha i manaʻo like ʻole. Minamina, he ʻike honua nani kēia. Akā ʻaʻole wale ia ke ala e ʻike ai i ke aloha aloha ʻole.

"Hiki i ke aloha aloha ʻole ke hōʻike ʻia ma nā ʻano like ʻole," wahi a Kim Egel, LMFT.

Māhele ʻo ia i kekahi ʻano maʻamau:

• makemake no kekahi mea ʻole
• pining no ke kanaka ʻaʻohe ona manaʻo like
• manaʻo ʻelua ma waena o ka poʻe i pili i nā pilina ʻē aʻe
• mau manaʻo lohi no kahi ex ma hope o ka hemo ʻana

Hiki ke aloha aloha ʻole ʻia i ka pili aloha maʻamau inā lilo kou mau manaʻo i mea koʻikoʻi akā ʻaʻole e hoʻonui ka hoihoi o ka mea ʻē aʻe.

He aha nā hōʻailona?

Hiki i ke aloha palena ʻole ke nānā ʻokoʻa i nā hanana like ʻole. Akā ʻo Melissa Stringer, LPC, e wehewehe i kahi hōʻailona kī o ke aloha aloha ʻole ʻia ma ke ʻano he "ʻiʻini nui e kau ana i kahi manawa nui a pili iki i kahi pānaʻi ʻole mai kāu ipo aloha."

Eia kekahi mau mea kikoʻī e kuhi paha ʻaʻole aloha ke aloha.

ʻAʻole hoihoi kou aloha i ka holomua ʻana o ka pilina

Makemake ʻoe e mākaʻikaʻi i kahi pilina hohonu, no laila hoʻomaka ʻoe i ke kono ʻana iā lākou e lilo pū i ka manawa hou. Akā mālama lākou i ko lākou mamao ke hoʻāʻo ʻoe e hoʻokokoke. Kāhea paha lākou i ka mea āu e ʻike ai ma ke ʻano he lā "hangout," a i ʻole kono lākou i nā hoaaloha ʻē aʻe e hui pū i ke ahiahi pili pili āu i hoʻolālā ai.

Hiki i ko lākou nele i ka hoihoi ke hōʻike pū i kāu pili pili i ka naʻau. Ke hoʻāʻo ʻoe e nīnau i nā nīnau e pili ana i kā lākou mau manaʻoʻiʻo a me nā waiwai, no ka laʻana, ʻaʻole paha e hāʻawi nui lākou i kā lākou pane a nīnau paha iā ʻoe i nā nīnau like me ʻoe i ka hoʻihoʻi.

Lohi lākou i ka pane ʻana i nā kono, nā leka, a me nā kelepona

Manaʻo ʻoe ke hana nei ʻoe i ka hapa nui o ka hana e kau pū ai? Maliʻa paha pane mau lākou i nā leka. A i ʻole ke kono ʻana iā lākou e puka i waho, ʻōlelo lākou, “Malia paha! E hōʻike wau iā ʻoe ”a mai hōʻoia a hiki i ka minuke hope loa.

Inā hoʻomau kēia ʻano a ʻaʻole hāʻawi lākou i kekahi kumu, e like me ke kuleana ma mua, aia paha he wehewehe hou aʻe no kā lākou hana.

ʻO ka hōʻole ʻana i nā hōʻailona ʻaʻole hoihoi lākou

ʻAʻohe mea pehea ʻoe e dice ai, ʻeha ke aloha aloha ʻole. No ka hana ʻana i ka ʻeha, ʻaʻohe mea maʻamau ke hele ma waena o ka manawa o ka hōʻole.

Malia paha ʻoe e nānā ʻole i nā hōʻailona ʻoi loa āu e kiʻi nei a koho i ka nānā ʻana i ka pinepine o lākou:

• apo a hoʻopā paha iā ʻoe ma ke ʻano maʻamau
• mahalo iā ʻoe
• hilinaʻi iā ʻoe a nīnau paha i kou manaʻo

Akā aloha wale kekahi poʻe a hāmama wale, kahi hiki ke huikau ke hoʻāʻo nei ʻoe e ana i ko lākou hoihoi iā ʻoe.

"ʻO ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ke aloha aloha ʻole," i ʻōlelo ai ʻo Egel, "pono ​​i kou hiki ke hoʻopono me ʻoe e pili ana i nā mea e hana nei." Hoʻopili kēia i ka nānā ʻana i nā hōʻailona o ka mea ʻē aʻe, ʻoiai ke ʻae nei i ko lākou manaʻo he paʻakikī paha.

Ke hoʻohana nei i nā mea āu e ʻike ai e pili kokoke ana iā lākou

E ʻike paha ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i nā ala e hoʻonani ai iā ʻoe iho i ka mea ʻē aʻe. Malia paha ʻo ka snowboarding kā lākou leʻaleʻa punahele, no laila lawe koke ʻoe iā ia - me ka inaina i ke anuanu ʻelua a haʻuki.

Keʻike nei i ka nui o nā naʻau ʻoluʻolu ʻole

Pili ke aloha aloha ʻole i ke kaʻapuni o nā manaʻo, e like me kā Stringer.

"Hoʻomaka pinepine kēia ʻano me ka lana o ka manaʻolana ke hana ʻoe i nā hoʻolālā i hoʻohuli ʻia i ka pilina aloha," wehewehe ʻo ia. Akā ke holo pono ʻole kēia mau hoʻāʻo, e waiho ʻia paha ʻoe me "nā manaʻo o ka hōʻole ʻia a me nā ʻuhane e hele pū ana, me ke kaumaha, huhū, huhū, hopohopo, a me ka hilahila."

Ke hakakā nei e haʻalele iā lākou mai kou manaʻo

"Hoʻohui pū ʻia ke aloha me ke aloha ʻole me ka manaʻo o ka ʻiʻini e hiki ai ke hoʻomaka e lawe i kou mau naʻau a me ka maoli taint," wahi a Egel. Hiki paha kou mau manaʻo no ke kanaka i kāu lā holoʻokoʻa, i nā wahi like ʻole o kou ola.

ʻO kahi laʻana, oe paha:

• e nānā iā Facebook e ʻike inā makemake lākou i kāu pou (a i ʻole kaʻana like i kekahi mea hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo ma)
• kākau i nā leka a i ʻole nā ​​leka (ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻouna) e haʻi i kou mau manaʻo
• hale kūʻai i ko lākou kaiāulu me ka lana o ka manaʻo e ʻike iā lākou
• e kamaʻilio pinepine no lākou
• e noʻonoʻo i nā hanana āu e haʻi ai iā lākou i kou manaʻo

Aia kekahi ala e hana ai me ia?

ʻEhaʻeha ke kiʻi ʻole ʻia kou mau manaʻo. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua hōʻike ʻia kahi noi liʻiliʻi mai 2011 e hōʻole ʻia ka hōʻole ʻana i nā wahi like i loko o ka lolo e like me ka ʻeha o ke kino. Hiki i kēia mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo ke kōkua iā ʻoe e kū me ka ʻeha a hōʻemi ʻia.

E kamaʻilio e pili ana…

ʻO kahi kamaʻilio me kahi kanaka ʻē aʻe e pili ana i kou ʻano hiki ke makaʻu, akā ʻo ke ala ʻoi loa ia e hoʻoponopono ai i ke kūlana.

Inā ʻike ʻoe i kekahi mau hōʻailona huikau, e like me ke ʻano flirty a i ʻole nā ​​hana aloha, mai ke kanaka āu e hoihoi ai, ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i kēlā mau mea hiki ke kōkua. ʻAʻole maʻalahi ka wehewehe ʻana i ka hana a kekahi, no laila ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻike kikoʻī i ko lākou manaʻo ke ʻole lākou e haʻi iā ʻoe.

Manaʻo nui loa? Maikaʻi loa ke kamaʻilio wale aku me kahi hoaaloha hilinaʻi e pili ana i ka mea āu e hele nei. I kekahi manawa, ke kiʻi wale nei i kēia mau manaʻo mai kou umauma hiki ke hāʻawi i ke kōkua.

... akā, mai hoʻolōʻihi

Hōʻike ʻoe i kou aloha i kahi hoaaloha, akā hōʻole lākou iā ʻoe. Ua ʻeha ʻoe, akā makemake ʻoe e noho mau hoa. ʻO ke ala ʻoi loa e hana ai i kēia e kia i kou aloha.

Inā ua maopopo leʻa ʻaʻole hoihoi lākou i kekahi pili aloha, e hoʻokau i ke kumuhana o ke aloha. Ke hoʻomau nei i ka alualu ʻana iā lākou a i ʻole ka manaʻolana e loaʻa iā lākou kahi loli o ka puʻuwai e hoʻohoka paha iā lākou ma hope, e hōʻino i kou aloha, a e hōʻeha hou iā ʻoe.

Akā, mai manaʻo ʻoe e koi aku i kou aloha ma kēia manawa, ʻeā. He mea maʻamau loa ka pono o kahi a me ka manawa e hoʻōla ai.

Manaʻo i kou mau manaʻo ...

Pili ke aloha pau ʻole i ka nui o nā naʻau, ʻaʻole maikaʻi ʻole nā ​​mea āpau.

Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke hauʻoli e ʻike i ke kanaka āu e aloha ai, ma luna o ka honua ke hoʻolōʻihi ʻoe i ka manawa me lākou, a kaumaha kaumaha loa ke ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻoi aku ma mua o ko lākou aloha.

E hoʻāʻo e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka ʻae ʻana i kēia mau manaʻo āpau. E ʻae iā lākou i ko lākou piʻi ʻana mai me ka hoʻopili ʻole ʻana i ka hoʻokolokolo iā lākou. E nānā wale iā lākou a hoʻokuʻu iā lākou e hala. ʻO ka huakaʻi ʻana e pili ana iā lākou ke ʻike ʻoe iā lākou (ʻo nā mea ʻeha) hiki ke kōkua pū kekahi.

… A laila hoʻohuli iā ʻoe iho

Kūpono kou mau manaʻo āpau, a me ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana a me ka ʻae ʻana iā lākou hiki ke kōkua iā ʻoe e neʻe i mua.

Akā e hoʻāʻo e mālama i kahi kaulike, no ka mea, ʻo ka nui o ka manawa o ka luʻu ʻana i ka manawa e hiki ai i ka hopena e pōʻino ai ʻoe. I ke ao, hiki iā ia ke kōkua i ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i nā manaʻo a hiki i kou manawa a me kahi e kamaʻilio ai iā lākou.

E hoʻololi i kāu kahawai

Eia kekahi mau ala e hoʻololi i nā kapa:

• E hoʻāʻo e hana i kahi manawa keu kahi e hiki ai no kāu leʻaleʻa, hoaaloha, a me nā hana leʻaleʻa ʻē aʻe.
• Mālama iā ʻoe iho ma ka ʻai ʻana i nā meaʻai mau a me ka hoʻomau ʻana i ka hana.
• E mālama iā ʻoe iho i kahi mea liʻiliʻi, inā he pua hou, kahi ʻai maikaʻi i waho, a i ʻole he puke hou a kiʻi ʻoniʻoni paha.
• E noʻonoʻo i ka launa aloha ʻana, ke mākaukau koke ʻoe, e loaʻa kahi hoa nāna hana hoʻihoʻi i kou mau manaʻo.

E ʻike i ke ʻano o ka ʻike

"ʻAʻole ia he mea nui e pili ana i ka mea e hana ʻia iā mākou i ke ola, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka pehea e pane ai i ke kūlana i kēia manawa," wahi a Egel.

Aloha ʻoe i kekahi a makemake aloha ʻia ʻoe i ka hoʻi ʻana.Malia paha ʻaʻole i loaʻa iā ʻoe ka hopena āu i lana ai, akā ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo he makehewa kou aloha. Ua aʻo ʻoe i kekahi mea e pili ana iā ʻoe iho? Ulu i kekahi ʻano? E hoʻomōhala i ka pilina ikaika me ke kanaka?

Hiki i ka hōʻole ke kumu i ka ʻeha, akā hiki i ke aloha ke hoʻolōʻihi a mellow i loko o kahi aloha ʻokoʻa e like me ke aloha. ʻAʻole paha he mea hōʻoluʻolu loa i kēia manawa, akā i kekahi lā e mahalo paha ʻoe i kēia aloha.

E nīnau iā ʻoe iho i kāu mea e makemake maoli ai

"Ke kamaʻilio mau nei kou mau manaʻo me ʻoe," wahi a Egel. "I kou nānā ʻana i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o kou ʻike, hiki i kou mau manaʻo ke kōkua iā ʻoe e kuhikuhi iā ʻoe i ke ala kūpono nāu."

Ua aʻo hou paha kāu ʻike iā ʻoe e pili ana i ke ʻano o ke kanaka āu i hoihoi ai, no ka laʻana.

Inā hoʻomau ʻoe i ke aloha aloha ʻole, hiki iā ia ke kōkua e noʻonoʻo inā paha e ʻōlelo kēia hiʻohiʻona i kahi mea e pili ana i kāu mau pono. Ke aloha nei me ka poʻe hoʻi ʻole i kou mau manaʻo hiki ke ʻōlelo iā ʻoe e like me ke aloha me kekahi ke hauʻoli maoli ʻoe iā ʻoe iho. Malia paha ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake i kahi pilina - ʻaʻohe mea hewa me kēlā.

I ka manawa e loaʻa ai ke kōkua

ʻO ke kū ʻana me ke aloha aloha ʻole kahi kumu kūpono e noi ai i ke kōkua o kahi mea lapaʻau kūpono.

Hōʻike ʻo Stringer i ke kōkua he kōkua paha inā:

• ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hōʻoki i ka alualu ʻana i ka mea ʻē aʻe ma hope o kā lākou ʻōlelo ʻana ʻaʻole hoihoi lākou.
• Hoʻolālā nui ʻoe i ka manawa e noʻonoʻo ai e pili ana i ka mea ʻē aʻe e hoʻopilikia ai i kou ola i kēlā me kēia lā.
• Hōʻike nā hoaaloha a me nā mea aloha i ka hopohopo e pili ana i kāu ʻano.

Inā kaumaha ʻoe, manaʻolana ʻole, a i ʻole he mau manaʻo no ka pepehi kanaka, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi e kamaʻilio koke me ka loea i aʻo ʻia.

Inā ʻoe e kōkua i kēia manawa

Inā ʻoe e noʻonoʻo nei i ka pepehi kanaka ʻana a i ʻole nā ​​manaʻo e hōʻino iā ʻoe iho, hiki iā ʻoe ke kāhea i ka Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration ma 800-662-HELP (4357).

E hoʻohui ka hotline 24/7 iā ʻoe me nā kumuwaiwai olakino i kou wahi. Hiki i nā loea i hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻia ke kōkua iā ʻoe e ʻike i nā kumuwaiwai o kou mokuʻāina no ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa inā ʻaʻohe ou ʻinikua olakino.

He naʻauao hoʻi ka ʻimi ʻana i ke kōkua ʻoihana inā alakaʻi kou mau manaʻo i nā ʻano pilikia pilikia, e like me ka hāhai ʻana i ke kanaka, ke kali a puni i ko lākou hale a i ʻole ka hana, a i ʻole nā ​​hana ʻē aʻe e like paha me ka stalking.

Wahi a Egel, ke hoʻokokoke ʻia nei i ke aloha ʻaoʻao hoʻokahi e kuhi paha ʻoe e hana pū ana ʻoe me kekahi koena naʻau a i ʻole he hala i hala ʻole. Hiki i ke Therapy ke kōkua iā ʻoe e kamaʻilio i kēia, a he mea kōkua paha e hoʻomaʻemaʻe i ke ala no kahi ʻumeʻume ʻelua.

He aha inā ʻo ʻoe ka mea e manaʻo like ʻole?

ʻAʻole maʻalahi ka hōʻole ʻana i kekahi me ka ʻoluʻolu, keu nō inā mālama ʻoe i kēlā kanaka.

E noʻonoʻo paha ʻoe i ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e hoʻopaʻa lā iā lākou e ʻike i ka mea e hana ana. Akā inā maopopo iā ʻoe ʻaʻohe ou hoihoi aloha, e hoʻopili paha kēia i nā mea no ʻolua.

Eia kekahi ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo no ka hoʻokele maikaʻi ʻana i kēia kūlana

ʻAʻole kōkua ka hōʻalo maʻamau

Makemake paha ʻoe e hōʻalo iā lākou a hiki i ka mae ʻana o ko lākou mau manaʻo, akā hiki i kēia ke hōʻeha iā ʻolua, keu hoʻi inā he mau hoaaloha maikaʻi ʻoe. Ma kahi o, hoʻāʻo e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ke kūlana. He ʻoluʻolu iki paha kēia, akā hiki i ke kūkākūkā pono ʻana ke kōkua iā ʻolua e neʻe i mua.

Mālama pehea ʻoe e hōʻike ai i kou hoihoi ʻole. E hoʻopono, akā ʻoluʻolu. E haʻi i nā mea āu e waiwai ai e pili ana iā lākou ma mua o ka wehewehe ʻana i ke kumu e ʻike ʻole ai ʻolua ma ke ʻano he kāne.

Hāʻawi i ke aloha

ʻO nā manawa kūpono, ua loaʻa iā ʻoe nā manaʻo no ka mea i hoʻi ʻole iā lākou i kekahi manawa. E noʻonoʻo hou i kou ʻano. He aha ka mea i kōkua iā ʻoe i kēlā manawa?

ʻOiai inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i ʻike i ke aloha aloha ʻole, e hāʻawi ana i ka lokomaikaʻi a hiki i ke kuʻi ʻana o ka hōʻole hiki ke kōkua i ka mea ʻē aʻe e hōʻoluʻolu i kāu aloha aloha e kū nei.

E akāka i kāu hōʻole

He mea nui e haʻi akāka ʻaʻole ʻoe hoihoi. ʻAʻole paha ʻoe e makemake e hōʻeha i ko lākou mau manaʻo me ke kīnā ʻole, "ʻAʻole wau e manaʻo pēlā iā ʻoe." Akā hiki i nā hōʻole pohihihi a kānalua paha ke paipai iā lākou e hoʻāʻo mau.

Ma ke alo i kēia manawa hiki ke kōkua i ka pale ʻana i ka ʻeha a me ka ukiuki o ʻolua.

E hoʻāʻo:

• "He mea nui ʻoe iaʻu a mahalo wau i ka manawa a mākou e noho pū ai, akā ʻike wale wau iā ʻoe he hoaaloha."
• "ʻAʻole wau hoihoi iā ʻoe ma ke aloha, akā makemake wau e noho mau hoa aloha. Pehea mākou e hana ai i kēlā hana? ”

Hōʻalo i ka ʻōlelo ʻana i nā mea e like me, "E ʻike ʻoe i kekahi mea kūpono iā ʻoe," a i ʻole, "ʻAʻole maikaʻi wau iā ʻoe." Kuhi paha kēia mau mea. Hoʻoulu paha lākou i nā manaʻo e like me, "ʻAe, pehea ʻoe e ʻike ai ke ʻole mākou e hoʻāʻo?"

Ke laina lalo

Hiki ke aloha ke aloha ʻole ʻia no nā mea āpau e pili ana, akā nā mea makemake e ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi me ka manawa. Inā loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi manawa paʻakikī, hiki i ka lāʻau lapaʻau ke hāʻawi mau i kahi manawa palekana, ʻaʻohe hoʻokolokolo e hana ma o kou mau manaʻo.

Ua hana mua ʻo Crystal Raypole ma ke ʻano he mea kākau a hoʻoponopono no GoodTherapy. ʻO kāna mau māla hoihoi e pili ana i nā ʻōlelo a me nā palapala a ʻAsia, ka unuhi Kepani, ke kuke ʻana, nā ʻepekema kūlohelohe, ka maikaʻi o ka wahine, a me ke olakino noʻonoʻo. Eia kekahi, ua kūpaʻa ʻo ia e kōkua i ka hōʻemi ʻana i ka stigma e pili ana i nā pilikia olakino noʻonoʻo.