Nānā i ke kumu e loli ai nā pilina ma hope o kāu pēpē

Anter

• ʻO pēpē hou, ʻo ʻoe hou, nā mea hou āpau
• "Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hana iki, e hōʻino ana ka pilina - e hoʻopaʻapaʻa ana ʻoe me nā mākua e pili ana i nā hana. Pono ʻoe e hoʻokau i ka hana i loko o ka pilina no ia e noho like ai, a ʻoi aku ka hana e hoʻomaikaʻi ai. "
• 1. Lilo i ke kamaʻilio transactional
• 2. Ua haʻo ʻoe i ke ʻano kūlohelohe o kāu ʻōiwi kahiko (a maikaʻi kēlā)
• 3. ʻOiaʻiʻo nā blues pēpē - a hoʻoikaika lākou i nā mea āpau
• 4. Moekolohe - he aha ka wahine?
• 5. Hoʻokaʻawale responsibilitʻaʻole maʻalahi
• 6. Ka nele o 'Manawa' manawa
• 7. Nā ʻano mākua ʻokoʻa hiki ke hoʻohui i ke koʻikoʻi hou aʻe
• 8. Akā hey, ʻoi aku kou ikaika no ia mea

Akā ʻaʻole maikaʻi ʻole nā ​​mea āpau. Eia nā ala i laila-hana ʻia-i loaʻa i nā mākua i loko o nā mea paʻakikī.

"Ma mua o kā māua kāne ʻo Tom a me kā māua pēpē, ʻaʻole maoli kaua i hakakā. A laila he pēpē kā mākou, a ua hakakā mākou i nā manawa āpau, "wahi a Jancee Dunn, kahi makuahine a me ka mea kākau, nāna i kākau i kahi puke i kapa ʻia" How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids. " Inā kani paha kahi ʻāpana o kā Dunn moʻolelo - ke kaua ʻana a i ʻole ka inaina - ʻaʻole ʻoe wale.

ʻO pēpē hou, ʻo ʻoe hou, nā mea hou āpau

Hiki i ka makua maoli e hoʻololi i kahi pilina. Ma hope o nā mea āpau, kaumaha ʻoe, ua nele ʻoe i ka hiamoe, a ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻokau i kou pilina ma mua - ma ka liʻiliʻi ʻaʻole i loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi keiki hānau kōkua ʻole e mālama ai.

"Ua ʻike mākou mai ka noiʻi ʻana e pili ana ka pilina i hāʻawi ʻole ʻia i ka nānā eʻoi aku ka maikaʻi," i ʻōlelo ʻia ʻo Tracy K. Ross, LCSW, kahi kāne a me ka ʻohana therapist ma Redesigning Relations in New York City. Hoʻohui ʻo ia:

"Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hana iki, e hōʻino ana ka pilina - e hoʻopaʻapaʻa ana ʻoe me nā mākua e pili ana i nā hana. Pono ʻoe e hoʻokau i ka hana i loko o ka pilina no ia e noho like ai, a ʻoi aku ka hana e hoʻomaikaʻi ai. "

Me he mea lā nui kēlā, keu hoʻi ke hana mua nei ʻoe me ka loli. Akā kōkua ia i ʻike ʻo ka nui o nā ala e loli nei kāu pilina he maʻamau loa ia a aia kekahi mau mea hiki iā ʻoe ke hana e hana ma o lākou.

ʻO kēia kekahi mau ala maʻamau e loli ai nā pilina aloha ma hope o ka lilo ʻana o nā mākua i mau mākua.

1. Lilo i ke kamaʻilio transactional

"Pono wau me kaʻu kāne e huli i ka hiamoe, no laila… ʻaʻole paʻakikī mākou e kamaʻilio pū kekahi me kekahi," wahi a Jaclyn Langenkamp, ​​kahi makuahine ma Hilliard, Ohio, nāna e blog nei ma One Bless Mom. "Ke mākou ua e kamaʻilio pū ana kekahi me kekahi, i ka ʻōlelo ʻana, 'E kiʻi ʻoe i ʻōmole' a i ʻole 'ʻO kou manawa kēia e hoʻopaʻa ai iāʻu e hele ana i kahi ʻauʻau.' Ua like kā mākou kūkākūkā ʻana me nā koi, a ua huhū māua kekahi i kekahi. "

Ke mālama nei ʻoe i kahi keiki hānau hou koi, ʻaʻohe ou manawa a me ka ikaika e hana i nā mea āpau e paʻa mau ai ka pilina.

"E ulu pono nā pilina ma ka manawa i lilo pū, e paʻa ana kēlā kanaka ʻē i kou manaʻo a hoʻohui a hoʻolohe iā lākou," wahi a Ross. "Pono ʻoe e hoʻolilo ia mea i mea nui - ʻaʻole nā ​​6 pule mua o ke ola o ka pēpē - akā ma hope o ia mea pono ʻoe e hoʻolilo i manawa no kāu hoapili, ʻoiai inā he manawa liʻiliʻi kēia e nānā ai me kekahi a kamaʻilio ʻole e pili ana i ke keiki. ”

Hiki i kēia ke hoʻohālikelike i kahi hoʻolālā loiloi, e like me ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi mea noho, ka nānā ʻana o kahi lālā o ka ʻohana i ka pēpē, a i ʻole ke hoʻolālā ʻana i ka hoʻolilo ʻana i kekahi manawa ma hope o ka iho ʻana o ka pēpē no ka pō - ke hiamoe lākou ma kahi papa kuhikuhi i ʻike mua ʻia, ʻo ia hoʻi.

ʻOi aku ka maʻalahi o kēia ala ma mua o ka hana ʻana, akā ʻo ka hele wāwae pōkole ʻana a puni ka palaka a i ʻole ka pāʻina ʻana i ka ʻaina ahiahi hiki ke hele i kahi ala lōʻihi e kōkua ai iā ʻoe a pili a kamaʻilio pū me kāu hoa.

2. Ua haʻo ʻoe i ke ʻano kūlohelohe o kāu ʻōiwi kahiko (a maikaʻi kēlā)

Ke nānā nei i kēlā pilina e nānā paha i kahi ʻokoʻa ma hope o ka hānau ʻana o kahi keiki. Hele paha ʻoe i ka manawa ma nā lā e hoʻāʻo ai i kēlā hale ʻaina hou a i ʻole noho i ka hopena pule a me ka hoʻomoana pū ʻana.

Akā i kēia manawa, ʻo ke ʻano o ka spontaneity e mālama i nā pilina e pīhoihoi i waho o ka puka aniani. A hoʻomākaukau wale no kahi e puka i waho e koi ana i ka hoʻolālā loiloi a me ka prepping (nā ʻōmole, nā ʻeke diaper, nā kahu hānai, a me nā mea hou aku).

"Manaʻo wau he mea maikaʻi ke loaʻa i kahi wā o ke kanikau kahi āu e haʻi aku ai i ka maikaʻi i kou ola wāwae wāwae hou aku," wahi a Dunn. "A hoʻolālā e noʻonoʻo i nā ala e hoʻohui ai, ʻoiai ma kahi ala liʻiliʻi, i kou ola kahiko. Lawe māua me kaʻu kāne i 15 mau minuke i kēlā me kēia lā e kamaʻilio ai kekahi mea koe wale kā mākou keiki a me nā crap logistic e like me ka mea e pono ai nā kāwele pepa hou aʻe. Hoʻomaʻo mākou e hana pū i nā mea hou - ʻaʻole pono ka lani, hiki ke hoʻāʻo i kahi hale ʻaina hou. ʻO ka hoʻāʻo ʻana i nā mea hou e hoʻomanaʻo ai i ko mākou ola ma mua o ke keiki. ”

A maikaʻi ke hoʻololi i kou manaʻo i ka hoʻolilo manawa ʻana a lilo i ke ʻano o ka poʻe i hoʻolālā i mua. Heck, e hoʻolālā i ka manawa o kēlā me kēia ma ka kalena no laila pili ʻoe iā ia.

"He hoʻolālā kāu, akā he hoʻolālā kūpono kāu," wahi a Ross. "E hoʻomanaʻo iā ʻoe iho he ʻelua mau mākua ʻoe e noho manawa pū ana no ka mea makemake ʻoe i ka hoʻolilo manawa."

ʻ sayslelo ʻo Langenkamp ʻo ia a me kāna kāne pū kekahi, i ka hala ʻana o ka manawa, ʻike pehea e hana ai i ka manawa o ka manawa me ka pēpē.

"ʻOiai ʻaʻole like ko mākou manawa maikaʻi e like me ia ma mua o kā kā mākou pēpē i ke kiʻi, hoʻāʻo mākou e noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ka hoʻolilo ʻana i manawa no ia mea," wahi a Langenkamp. "Ma kahi o ka hopena pule, loaʻa iā mākou kahi hopena pule" ʻaʻohe hana ". Ma kahi o ka hele ʻana i ka ʻaina awakea a me kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻoni, hoʻonohonoho mākou i ka ʻaina awakea i loko, a nānā i kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻoni ʻo Netflix. ʻAʻole mākou e haʻalele i kā mākou mau kuleana makua, akā leʻaleʻa mākou iā lākou - a i ʻole kekahi manawa e hele ma waena o lākou - hui pū. "

3. ʻOiaʻiʻo nā blues pēpē - a hoʻoikaika lākou i nā mea āpau

A hiki iā mākou ke ʻoluʻolu e kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā naʻau postpartum? ʻOiai inā ʻaʻohe ou kaumaha o ka postpartum a hopohopo paha, e ʻike paha ʻoe i kahi ʻolokaʻa o nā manaʻo - kahi 80 pākēneka o nā makuahine hānau hānau e ʻike i nā blues pēpē. Mai poina e pili ana i nā makuakāne i hiki ke loaʻa i ke kaumaha postpartum kekahi.

"Makemake wau e huki kekahi iaʻu a haʻi mai iaʻu," E hoʻolohe, he paʻakikī loa iā ʻoe ke neʻe a puni, "wahi a Amna Husain, MD, FAAP, ʻo wai ka makuahine o kahi kamaliʻi a me ka mea hoʻokumu o Pure Direct. Pediatrics.

"Hoʻomākaukau nā mea āpau iā ʻoe no nā pō hiamoe ʻole akā ʻaʻohe mea e ʻōlelo," Auē, e hele a paʻakikī ke kino o kou kino no kekahi manawa. "E paʻakikī ka hele ʻana i ka lua. E paʻakikī e ala aʻe. He mea paʻakikī ke hoʻokomo i ka lole wāwae. "

No laila ma waena o nā loli hormonal, ka hiamoe o ka hiamoe, a me nā pilikia e hele mai me kahi pēpē hānau hou, ʻaʻole ia he mea kupanaha e ʻike paha ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i ka hopu ʻana i kāu hoa a kau iā lākou ma lalo o kāu papa inoa makakoho.

ʻIke he manawa pōkole kēia mau ʻōuli - inā ʻaʻole lākou e hoʻomaikaʻi ana, e kamaʻilio koke me kāu kauka. A i kēia manawa, hana i ka mea hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻāʻo e kamaʻilio ʻoluʻolu i kāu hoa.

4. Moekolohe - he aha ka wahine?

I ka pili ʻana i ka moekolohe, ua loaʻa iā ʻoe nā mea āpau a mākou i kamaʻilio ai a hiki i kēia wā ke kūʻē iā ʻoe. ʻAʻohe ou manawa, huehu kou kino a huhū ʻoe me kāu hoa.

Hoʻohui, ka uhi ʻia ʻana i ka kuha a me ka hoʻololi ʻana i nā pale pale he 12 i ka lā ʻaʻole ia e hoʻokomo i ke ʻano. Inā hānai ʻoe i ka waiū, ʻike paha ʻoe i ka maloʻo o ka ʻōpala ʻo ia hoʻi ke kahakaha paha kou makemake. Akā hiki i ka moekolohe ke lilo i ala maikaʻi loa e pili hou a hoʻolōʻihi i kahi manawa me kāu hoa.

E hoʻomanaʻo: ke hiki mai i ka moekolohe maikaʻi ke lawe lohi. Ma muli wale nō o ke kauka i hāʻawi aku ai iā ʻoe i ke kukui ʻōmaʻomaʻo, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo e wikiwiki ʻoe i loko.

"ʻO kahi ala no nā kāne e hōʻoia ai i ka ʻole o ka moekolohe ʻaʻole e paʻa mau ka hana ʻana i ka pilina aloha i mea nui," i ʻōlelo ʻia ʻo Lana Banegas, LMFT, kahi mea hoʻoponopono male a me ka ʻohana e hana nei ma The Marriage Point ma Marietta, Georgia.

ʻO kēia kahi kahi āu e hana ai i ka kamaʻilio ʻana me kekahi a me ka hoʻolilo manawa ʻana he mea nui.

ʻO Fran Walfish, PsyD, ʻohana a me ka psychotherapist pili a me ka mea kākau o "The Self-Aware Parent," i ʻōlelo aʻo "he hoʻoliʻiliʻi o ka moekolohe, foreplay, a me ka moekolohe pinepine i hōʻailona no ka kamaʻilio maikaʻi ʻole ʻana a me kahi kāwīwī e hiki ai ke kūkulu ma waena o ka wahine."

E hoʻi i ke ala i loko o ka lumi moe, paipai ʻo ia i nā kāne e hana i ka manawa no ka moekolohe a ʻimi i nā ala e hana ai i ka wā o kā lāua keiki i ka home, e like me ka wā hiamoe.

A hoʻopukapuka maoli i loko o kekahi lube.

5. Hoʻokaʻawale responsibilitʻaʻole maʻalahi

I kekahi pilina, manaʻo paha kekahi kanaka i ka ʻoi aku o ka ikaika e lawe i nā kuleana hānai keiki hou aʻe ma mua o kekahi. Hiki iā ia ke waiho i kēlā kanaka me ka huhū i kekahi.

ʻOiai e noiʻi ana i kāna puke, ua ʻike ʻo Dunn "ua huhū ka hapa nui o nā makuahine ke lele ke kāne a ke uē ʻana ka pēpē i ka pō." Akā hōʻike ka noiʻi noiʻi hiamoe kēia kahi ʻano evolutionary.

I loko e nā National Institutes of Health, "ua hōʻike ʻia ka scans Brain, i nā wahine, ua hoʻololi koke nā hiʻohiʻona o ka hana lolo i kahi ʻano hoʻolohe ke lohe lākou i ka uē ʻana o ka pēpē, ʻoiai ua noho ka lolo o nā kāne i ka mokuʻāina hoʻomaha. “

He mea nui kēia.

No laila ʻoiai ʻaʻole hoʻokahi hoa e hoʻāʻo nei e waiho i kekahi kuleana i kekahi kanaka ʻē aʻe - e like me ke ala ʻana me ka pēpē i ke aumoe - hiki paha. ʻO kēia kahi maopopo a ʻoluʻolu mea nui ke kamaʻilio. Loaʻa i nā kūkākūkā noho ʻana i lalo e hoʻoholo pehea e mālama ai i nā hana makua hiki ke kōkua maikaʻi loa a pale i nā hoʻopaʻapaʻa.

Ke hahau nei i kāu hoa me ka uluna e ala i ka waena o ka pō, ʻoiai e hoʻowalewale ana, ʻaʻole maikaʻi.

"Manaʻo wau he mea nui ka hash i waho," wahi a Husain. "Manaʻo wau hiki iā mākou ke lawehala i ka manaʻo ʻana e heluhelu kekahi i ko mākou manaʻo." Loaʻa kahi hoʻolālā akā maʻalahi hoʻi, no ka mea ʻaʻole hiki ke kuhi ʻia i kēlā me kēia kūlana, i ʻōlelo ʻo ia.

ʻO kahi laʻana, ua ʻōlelo ʻo Husain ua hānau ʻia kāna pēpē ʻoiai ʻo ia e hoʻopau ana i kona noho ʻana, no laila ke kāhea pinepine ʻia ʻo ia he kauka. "E hiamoe kokoke kaʻu kāne i kahi moe o ka pēpē ke kāhea ʻia au," i ʻōlelo ʻo ia. "Pēlā, e ala mua ʻo ia a mālama iā ia."

'Saysleloʻo Husain ua pili pinepineʻo ia i kahi noho i ka wā e hānai ana i ka waiū, ʻoiai ke hele pinepine kāna pēpē i kahi ulu ulu a hānai pinepine. I loko o kēlā mau manawa, he mea nui iā ia e lawe kāna kāne i nā kuleana i hiki ʻole iā ia.

Hōʻike pū ʻo ia i nā makuahine hana e pump e noi i kā lākou mau hoa e mālama i ka holoi ʻana i nā ʻāpana pump, ʻoiai ka pīpī iā ia iho hiki ke kaumaha a lawe manawa mai kāna lā hana nui - ʻo ia kahi hana pili i hiki i kahi hoa ke lawe e hōʻoluʻolu i kāna ukana.

"He mea nui ka mālama ʻana o kekahi i kekahi, e hoʻāʻo i mea ʻoi loa no kēlā me kēia. E nānā ma kēlā ala, "wahi a Ross. "ʻAʻole wale ʻoe e hoʻokaʻawale i nā hana. E nānā iā ia me, 'ʻO mākou pū kekahi i kēia.' "

6. Ka nele o 'Manawa' manawa

ʻAʻole wale kou manawa e hui pū ai ke loli ke loaʻa iā ʻoe he mau keiki, ʻo kāu manawa ma kāu iho pū kekahi. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole paha iā ʻoe kekahi.

Akā ua ʻōlelo ʻo Ross he mea nui e nīnau kekahi i kekahi no ka manawa āu e pono ai e mālama iā ʻoe iho a kōkua i ka hāʻawi ʻana i kekahi i kekahi.

"He mea maikaʻi ke makemake i ka manawa iā ʻoe iho, e hele i ka hale hoʻoikaika kino a ʻike paha i nā hoaaloha a i ʻole e hele wale e hoʻopau i kou mau kui," wahi a Ross. "Pono nā mākua hou e hoʻohui i kahi ʻāpana i ke kamaʻilio ʻana:" Pehea mākou e mālama ai iā ʻoe iho? Pehea mākou e mālama ai iā mākou iho? '"

ʻO kēlā haki a me ka manawa e noʻonoʻo hou aʻe ai e like me ka hiki i kāu pēpē mua ke hele i kahi ala lōʻihi e lilo ai iā ʻoe i hoa maikaʻi a makua maikaʻi.

7. Nā ʻano mākua ʻokoʻa hiki ke hoʻohui i ke koʻikoʻi hou aʻe

E ʻike paha ʻoe he ʻokoʻa ʻoe a me kāu makua pakanā a maikaʻi ia, e ʻōlelo ana ʻo Ross. Hiki iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā kuʻikahi nui āpau a hoʻoholo i ke ʻano o kāu hana pū ʻana ma ke ʻano he kime, inā paha e loaʻa ana kahi kuʻikahi i kekahi hihia, e hele pū ana me ka hana a kekahi makua, a i ʻole me ka ʻae ʻana me ka mahalo e hōʻole.

Inā heʻuʻuku ka ʻokoʻa, makemake paha ʻoe e hoʻokuʻu wale.

"Aia kahi kūlana maʻamau kahi e makemake ai nā wahine i kā lākou hoa e hana hou akā micromanage a ʻaʻole hāʻawi iā lākou i ka manawa e hana ai," wahi a Ross. "Inā makemake ʻoe e co-makua, e hana kekahi i kekahi i nā mea a mai micromanage.

Maliʻa paha aia kekahi mau mea hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke kū i ka hana ʻana i kekahi ala a kamaʻilio e pili ana i kēlā mau mea akā kau i ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana i nā mea āu hiki kū. Ke hele nei ka makua ʻē aʻe, ʻo ko lākou manawa makua ia. "

8. Akā hey, ʻoi aku kou ikaika no ia mea

ʻOiai ʻo nā pāhaʻi paʻakikī a pau e hiki i kahi pilina ke lawe ma hope o ka hānau ʻana o kahi keiki, nui ka poʻe e hōʻike nei i kā lākou hoʻopaʻa paʻa ʻana e lilo i ikaika a hohonu. Ma hope o nā mea āpau, ʻaʻole wale ʻoe he pālua, he ohana i kēia manawa, a inā hiki iā ʻoe ke hana ma waena o nā mea ʻoʻoleʻa, e kūkulu ana ʻoe i kahua paʻa e kōkua iā ʻoe i ke anilā i nā piʻi a me nā lalo o ka makua.

"I ka manawa a mākou i hoʻokomo ai i nā ʻōnaehana hou - kahi i komo pū me kahi hālāwai loiloi luhi-akā-pono i kēlā me kēia pule - ua ulu a ikaika loa ko mākou pilina," wahi a Dunn.

"Hoʻohui mākou i kā mākou aloha i kā mākou kaikamahine, ka mea i hoʻohui i kahi nui hou i kā mākou pili. A ua lilo mākou i ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi i ka mālama manawa a hoʻoponopono pono ʻole i nā mea e hoʻokahe ana iā mākou. Aia kekahi kumu i ʻōlelo ai ka poʻe ʻo ka loaʻa ʻana o nā keiki ka mea maikaʻi loa a lākou i hana ai. "

ʻO Elena Donovan Mauer kahi mea kākau a me ka hoʻoponopono hoʻoponopono i nā kumuhana āna e ola a aloha ai: ka makua, ka nohona, ke olakino a me ke olakino. Ma waho aʻe o Healthline, ua hōʻike ʻia kāna hana ma Nā Mākua, Mākua, The Bump, CafeMom, Real Simple, iho, Care.com a me nā mea hou aʻe. ʻO Elena kekahi makuahine soccer, he polopeka hoʻohui, a me kahi mea makemake nui i ka taco, ka mea i hiki ke loaʻa i ka kūʻai kahiko a me ke mele ʻana i kāna lumi kuke. Noho ʻo ia ma ke awāwa ʻo Hudson o Nu Ioka me kāna kāne a me nā keiki kāne ʻelua.