ʻO ka hālāwai ʻana me kaʻu pēpē ʻaʻole aloha ma ke ʻike mua - a ua maikaʻi kēlā

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• Ua hele a puni koʻu mau manaʻo

Makemake au e aloha koke i kaʻu pēpē, akā ma kahi o ka hilahila. ʻAʻole wau hoʻokahi wale nō.

Mai ka manawa aʻu i hāpai ai i kaʻu hiapo, ua puni wau. Ua ʻānai pinepine wau i koʻu ʻōpū e hoʻonui ana, e noʻonoʻo ana i ke ʻano o kaʻu kaikamahine a ʻo wai ʻo ia.

Ua pīhoihoi wau i kuʻu waena waena. Ua aloha au i ke ʻano o ka pane ʻana i kaʻu hoʻopā, me ke kikeke ma aneʻi a me kahi ʻōpala ma laila, a i kona ulu ʻana, pēlā nō koʻu aloha iā ia.

ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke kali e waiho i kona kino pulu, wili i koʻu umauma - a ʻike i kona alo. Akā he mea ʻē aʻe i hanau ʻia i kona wā i hānau ai no ka mea ma kahi o ka luku ʻia e nā naʻau, ua nele wau iā lākou.

Ua uē wau i koʻu lohe ʻana i kāna uē.

I ka mua, ua kau wau i ka helu a hiki i ka luhi. Ua hana wau no 34 mau hola, a i loko o kēlā manawa ua hoʻopili ʻia wau i nā mea nānā, kahe, a me nā meds akā ʻoiai ma hope o ka pāʻina ʻana, ʻauʻau, a me kekahi mau manawa pōkole pōkole, pau nā mea.

Ua like kaʻu kaikamahine me he malihini lā. Ua paʻa wau iā ia i ka hana a me ke kuleana. Ua hānai wau me ka hoʻowahāwahā.

ʻOiaʻiʻo, hilahila wau i kaʻu pane. Hōʻike nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni i ka hānau keiki ʻana he nani, a he nui ka poʻe e wehewehe i ka pilina makuahine-pēpē e like me ka hoʻopuni āpau a me ka ikaika. No ka hapanui he manawa koke nō ia - ma ka liʻiliʻi no kaʻu kāne ia. Ua hoʻomālamalama kona mau maka i ka lua o kāna ʻike iā ia. ʻIke wau i kona puʻuwai huʻi. Akā ʻo wau? ʻAʻohe oʻu manaʻo a weliweli wau.

He aha ka pilikia iaʻu? Ua hōʻeha paha wau? ʻO ka makua hoʻokahi nui a hewa nui paha?

Ua hōʻoia ka poʻe iaʻu e maikaʻi nā mea. He kūlohelohe ʻoe, wahi a lākou. E lilo ʻoe i makuahine mama nui - a makemake wau e lilo. Ua hoʻolōʻihi wau i 9 mau mahina e makemake ana no kēia ola liʻiliʻi a eia ʻo ia: hauʻoli, olakino, a maikaʻi ʻole.

No laila ua kali au. Ua ʻakaʻaka wau i loko o ka ʻeha ke hele mākou i nā alanui mehana o Brooklyn. Ua ale wau i nā waimaka ke aloha nā malihini i kaʻu kaikamahine ma Walgreens, Stop & Shop, a me ka hale kūʻai kope kūloko, a ʻānai wau iā ia i ka wā aʻu e paʻa ai iā ia. Me he mea maʻamau ia, e like me ka mea kūpono e hana ai, akā ʻaʻohe mea i loli.

Ua huhū wau, hilahila, kānalua, ambivalent, a me huhū. E like me ke anuanu o ke anuanu, pēlā nō me kuʻu puʻuwai. A lohi wau i kēia mokuʻāina no nā pule he nui a hiki i koʻu haki ʻana.

A hiki i hiki ʻole iaʻu ke lawe hou.

Ua hele a puni koʻu mau manaʻo

ʻIke ʻoe, i ka manawa he 3 mau mahina o kaʻu kaikamahine, ua aʻo wau e ʻeha ana au i ke kaumaha postpartum. Aia nā hōʻailona ma laila. Ua hopohopo wau a me ka naʻau. Uē kaumaha au, e ʻū ana i ka uē i ka haʻalele ʻana o kaʻu kāne no ka hana. Ua heleleʻi nā waimaka i kona hele ʻana i ke alaloa, ma mua o ka heʻe ʻana o ka make i ka wahi.

Ua uē wau inā ninini wau i kahi kīʻaha wai a i ʻole anuanu kaʻu kofe. Ua uē wau inā he nui loa nā ipu a i ʻole i hoʻolei kaʻu pipi i luna, a ua uē wau no ka mea ke uē nei.

Ua uē wau i ka hapanui o nā hola o nā lā he nui.

Ua huhū wau i kaʻu kāne a me aʻu iho - ʻoiai ua kuhi hewa ka mea mua a alakaʻi hewa ʻia ka hope. Ua paʻi wau i kaʻu kāne no ka mea lili wau a hōʻeha wau iaʻu iho no ka mamao loa a me ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻia. ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke hoʻomaopopo i ke kumu i hiki ʻole ai iaʻu ke huki iaʻu iho. Ua nīnau pū wau i kaʻu mau "manaʻo makuahine" mau.

Uaʻike wau i ka lawaʻole. ʻO wau he "makuahine maikaʻi ʻole."

ʻO ka nūhou maikaʻi ua loaʻa iaʻu ke kōkua. Ua hoʻomaka wau i ka lāʻau a me ka lāʻau lapaʻau a ua hele mālie i waho mai ka noe postpartum, ʻoiai ʻaʻole wau i manaʻo iki i kaʻu keiki e ulu ana. ʻAʻole i hiki i kāna minoʻu gummy ke hou i kuʻu puʻuwai anuanu i make.

A ʻaʻole wau hoʻokahi. A ʻike ʻia he mea maʻamau no nā makuahine e ʻike i kahi "āpau ma waena o nā mea i manaʻo ʻia a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, a me ke ʻano o ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana mai ke keiki," ka hopena i "hewa a hilahila."

ʻO Katherine Stone, ka mea nāna i hana ka Postpartum Progress, i hōʻike i kahi manaʻo like ma hope o ka hānau ʻana o kāna keiki. "Ua aloha au iā ia no ka mea ʻo ia kaʻu, ʻoiaʻiʻo," i kākau ʻo Stone. "Ua aloha au iā ia no ka mea he nani ʻo ia a aloha wau iā ia no ka mea he nani a ʻoluʻolu a liʻiliʻi hoʻi ia. Aloha au iā ia no ka mea ʻo ia kaʻu keiki a ʻo wau loaʻa aloha iā ia, ʻeā? Ua manaʻo wau e aloha wau iā ia no ka mea inā ʻaʻole wau e hana ʻē aʻe? … [Akā] ua maopopo iaʻu ʻaʻole lawa koʻu aloha iā ia a aia kekahi mea hewa iaʻu. "

"[He aha hou aʻe,] ʻo kēlā me kēia makuahine hou aʻu i kamaʻilio ai e hoʻomau a ma o a ma o a ma o e pili ana i ka nui o lākou aloha ʻia kā lāua keiki, a pehea maʻalahi ia, a pehea kūlohelohe ua manaʻo ia iā lākou ... [akā noʻu] ʻaʻole i hana ʻia i ka pō hoʻokahi, "ʻAe ʻo Stone. "No laila, he manawaleʻa wau, maikaʻi ʻole a me ka pīhoihoi o ke kanaka."

ʻO ka nūhou maikaʻi i ka hopena, kaomi ʻia ka makuahine, noʻu a no Pōhaku. Hoʻokahi makahiki i hala, akā i hoʻokahi lā ua nānā au i kaʻu kaikamahine - nānā maoli iā ia - a hauʻoli ka hauʻoli. Ua lohe wau i kāna ʻakaʻaka ʻono no ka manawa mua loa, a mai ia manawa mai, ua maikaʻi nā mea.

Ua ulu koʻu aloha iā ia.

Akā lilo ka manawa o ka makua. Pono ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i ka manawa, a ʻoiai makemake mākou āpau e ʻike i ke "aloha i ka ʻike mua," ʻaʻole mea nui kou mau manaʻo mua, ma ka liʻiliʻi ʻaʻole i ka holo lōʻihi. ʻO ka mea nui pehea ʻoe e ulu a ulu pū ai. No ka mea hoʻohiki wau iā ʻoe, loaʻa ke ala i ke aloha. E kolo i loko.

ʻO Kimberly Zapata kahi makuahine, mea kākau, a me ka mea kākoʻo i ka olakino noʻonoʻo. Ua ʻike ʻia kāna hana ma nā pūnaewele, me ka Washington Post, HuffPost, Oprah, Hope, Mākua, Health, a me Mommy Scary - e inoa i kekahi mau mea - a ʻaʻole kanu ʻia kona ihu i ka hana (a puke maikaʻi paha), ʻo Kimberly hoʻolimalima i kona manawa manuahi e holo ana ʻOi aku: maʻi, kahi hui nonprofit e manaʻo e hoʻoikaika i nā keiki a me nā ʻōpio ʻōpio e hakakā ana me nā kūlana olakino noʻonoʻo. E hāhai iā Kimberly ma Facebook a i ʻole ʻO Twitter.