Hana i nā pilina wehe i hauʻoli i ka poʻe?

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No ka hapanui o mākou, ʻo ka makemake e hui pū kekahi mea ikaika. Hiki ke hoʻonohonoho ʻia i loko o kā mākou DNA. Akā, ʻo ke aloha, ʻaʻole ia e launa pū me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe?

I kekahi mau makahiki i hala aku nei, ua hoʻoholo wau e ʻaʻa i ka manaʻo ʻo ke ala hoʻokahi wale nō i kahi pilina aloha, kūpaʻa e monogamous. Ua hoʻoholo wau me kaʻu hoa kāne i kēlā manawa e hoʻāʻo i kahi pilina ākea. Ua kūpaʻa mākou i kekahi i kekahi, ua kapa ʻia kekahi i kekahi he hoaaloha a he hoaaloha, a ua ʻae ʻia mākou e launa pū a pili kino me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Ua haki mākou (no nā kumu like ʻole, ʻaʻole pili ka hapanui o mākou i kā mākou hāmama), akā mai ia manawa ua hoʻomau wau i ka hoihoi i ka noʻonoʻo hou ʻana i nā pilina-a ʻike ʻia ʻaʻole wau hoʻokahi.

Nā Kūlana Nonmonoga-me-ʻAno

Manaʻo nā manaʻo ua ʻoi aku ma mua o ka hapalua miliona mau ʻohana polyamorous ma US, a ma 2010, ua manaʻo ʻia he ʻewalu miliona mau kāne e hoʻomaʻamaʻa ana i kekahi ʻano o ka nonmonogamy. ʻOiai ma waena o nā kāne male, hiki ke kūleʻa nā pilina ākea; kuhi kekahi mau noiʻi ʻike ʻia lākou ma ka male male.

No kēia mau lā he 20 a me ka 30, he mea nui kēia ʻano. Ma mua o 40 pākēneka o nā millenial e manaʻo nei e "lilo ana ka male" i ka male (hoʻohālikelike ʻia me 43 pākēneka o Gen Xers, 35 pākēneka o nā pēpē pēpē, a me 32 pākēneka o nā kānaka 65-plus). A ʻaneʻane kokoke i ka hapalua o nā millenial ke nānā pono lākou i nā hoʻololi o nā hanana ʻohana, ke hoʻohālikelike ʻia i ka hapaha wale nō o nā ʻelemākule paneʻe. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻo ka monogamy-ʻoiai he koho kūpono loa-ʻaʻole hana no kēlā me kēia.

ʻAʻole holo pono ia naʻu. Hoʻopiʻi ia i nā pilina olakino ʻelua i koʻu wā ʻōpio: No nā kumu āpau, i koʻu manaʻo ʻo "monogamy" i pili me ka waiwai, lili, a me claustrophobia-ʻaʻole ia ka mea i makemake ʻia e ke aloha mau loa. Makemake au e mālama e pili ana i kekahi me ka manaʻo ʻole na lākou, a makemake wau e like ka manaʻo o kekahi. E hoʻohui i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ua male au no kekahi manawa (ma hope o koʻu noho ʻana i kahi pilina monogamous no ka lōʻihi aku) a-he wahine wau i lawa e ʻae aku ai-ʻaʻole mākaukau e haʻalele i ke kūʻokoʻa e hoʻokama me nā malihini. . Ma waho o kēlā, ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu ka mea aʻu e makemake ai, pololei, akā ʻike wau ʻaʻole wau i makemake e hoʻopōpī ʻia e kahi hoa. No laila, i koʻu hoʻomaka ʻana i ka launa pū ʻana ... e kapa kākou iā ia ʻo 'Bryce,' ua hoʻomākaukau wau iaʻu iho no nā manaʻo ʻeha, hoʻopau i koʻu ʻano awkwarded, a ʻōlelo ʻia: Ua noʻonoʻo paha ʻoe e pili ana i kahi pilina ākea?

ʻO nā pilina hāmama e hāʻule i loko o ʻelua mau waeʻano maʻamau, i ʻōlelo ʻia ʻo Greatist Expert a me ke kākāʻōlelo ʻo Ian Kerner: E kūkākūkā paha nā kāne me kahi hoʻonohonoho nonmonogamous e like me ka mea i loaʻa iaʻu me Bryce, kahi i loaʻa ai i kēlā me kēia kanaka ke kūʻokoʻa e lā a / a i moekolohe ai paha me ka poʻe ma waho. ka pilina. A i ʻole e koho i nā kāne e hoʻoluliluli, hoʻolaha i waho o ko lākou pilina monogamous ma ke ʻano he anakahi (e moe pū me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, e like me ʻekolu a ʻoi aku paha). Akā he wai maikaʻi kēia mau ʻāpana, a hoʻololi lākou ma muli o nā pono a me nā palena o kahi kāne.

Monogamy = Monotony?-No ke aha e hele ai nā kāne i ka pōʻino

ʻO ka mea maʻalea e pili ana i nā pilina he ʻokoʻa lākou āpau, no laila ʻaʻohe "kumu hoʻokahi" e hoʻoholo ai nā poʻe e ʻimi i nā hiʻohiʻona pilina ʻē aʻe. Eia nō naʻe, he nui nā manaʻo e pili ana i ke kumu ʻaʻole i hōʻoia ʻia ka ʻoluʻolu o ka monogamy. Wahi a kekahi poʻe akamai he kumu ia i ka genetics: Ma kahi o 80 pakeneka o nā primates he polygamous, a pili nā manaʻo like i nā hui hahai holoholona. (Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole pono ke kiʻi ʻia i ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa "he kūlohelohe" ia, wahi a Kerner: ʻO ka hoʻololi ka mea kūlohelohe, ʻoi aku ma mua o ka monogamy a nonmonogamy paha.)

Hōʻike nā noiʻi ʻē aʻe i nā ʻano ʻokoʻa a nā kānaka ʻokoʻa i kahi pilina ʻoluʻolu. In ʻO ka Monogamy Gap, Hōʻikeʻo Eric Anderson i nā pilina wehe e hiki ai i nā hoa ke hoʻokō i ko lākou mau pono pono'ī me kaʻole e koi aku i nā meaʻoi aku ma mua o hoʻokahi hoa hiki ke hāʻawi. Aia kekahi mahele moʻomeheu: ʻokoʻa ka nui o nā helu helu pilikino ma waena o nā moʻomeheu, a hōʻike nā hōʻike i nā ʻāina me nā ʻano ʻae nui i ka moekolohe a ʻoi aku ka lōʻihi o ka male ʻana. I nā ʻāina Nordic, he nui nā kūkā e kūkala kamaʻilio ākea "pili like" -e hoʻonohonoho ana mai nā mea i huki ʻia a hiki i nā pīleʻa hoʻomaha-me kā lākou mau hoa, akā ʻo ka male ka mea i mahalo ʻia. A laila hou, ʻōlelo ʻo ka mea kākau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo wahine ʻo Dan Savage i ka iho ʻana o ka nonmonogamy i ka luhi kahiko.

I ka pōkole, nui nā kumu e nonmonogamous e like me ka poʻe nonmonogamous-a ma laila e waiho nei kahi wahi o kahi pilikia. ʻOiai inā ʻae kekahi kāne i ka nonmonogamous, hiki i kā lāua mau kumu no ka hana ʻana pēlā ke hakakā. I koʻu hihia, ua makemake wau e pili i ka pilina nonmonogamous no ka mea makemake wau e ʻaʻa i nā manaʻo pili kaiaulu e pili ana i ke aloha; Ua makemake ʻo Bryce e pili i ka pilina nonmonogamous no ka mea makemake wau e noho i hoʻokahi, a makemake ʻo ia e noho pū me aʻu. ʻAʻole paha he mea kānalua, hoʻonāukiuki kēia i waena o mākou i ka wā i hoʻomaka maoli ai wau e ʻike i kekahi poʻe ʻē aʻe. ʻOiai ua maikaʻi wau i ka wā i hana ai ʻo Bryce me kahi hoaaloha, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke ʻōpū i ka manaʻo e hana like wau. ʻO kēia ka mea i alakaʻi ai i ka huhū ma nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua a me ka lili iā ia-a ua ʻike koke wau iaʻu iho i loko o kahi pilina claustrophobic, e hoʻopaʻapaʻa ana i ka mea nona.

Pono ʻoe e kau i kahi apo ma luna? - Nā kuhikuhina hou

ʻAʻole ia he mea kupanaha, ʻo ka moʻo maka maka ʻōmaʻomaʻo kahi pilikia nui ia no nā hoa nonmonogamous ma o ka papa, me ka nānā ʻole i ka wahine a me ka moekolohe. ʻO ke ala maikaʻi loa e hana ai? ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. I loko o nā noiʻi he nui, ʻo ka wehe ākea ka mea nui o ke aloha o ka pilina (heʻoiaʻiʻo kēia i kēlā me kēia pilina), a me ke ʻano hana ʻoi loa no ka lili. No nā kāne e ʻimi nei i ka wehe ʻana, he mea nui i nā hoa ke kamaʻilio i ko lākou mau pono a hana i kahi ʻaelike ma mua o kēlā me kēia hui.

I ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻana, pono wau e ʻoi aku ka ʻoiaʻiʻo iaʻu iho, a ʻae aku ʻo ia (me ka ʻole o kāna ʻōlelo) ʻaʻole makemake ʻo Bryce e lilo i nonmonogamous; inā ua mālama ʻia iā māua i kekahi ʻehaʻeha o ka naʻau. He mea maʻalahi ka hoihoi ʻana i ka ʻaoʻao sexier o ka nonmonogamy, akā pono maoli ka hilinaʻi kiʻekiʻe o ka hilinaʻi, ka kamaʻilio, ka wehe ʻana, a me ka pilina me kāu hoa pili mua-ʻo ia hoʻi, e like me ka monogamy, hiki i nā pilina wehe ke kaumaha loa, a ʻaʻole lākou. no na mea a pau. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻo ka nonmonogamy ʻaʻole ia he tikika mai nā pilikia pili, a he kumu paha ia na lākou. Hiki iā ia ke pīhoihoi, uku, a me ka hoʻomālamalama.

ʻAʻohe mea, e ʻōlelo ka poʻe loea, inā paha e hoʻoholo ka kāne e wehe a i ʻole monogamous pono ke koho. "Inā ʻaʻohe stigma i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka pilina pili wahine," i kākau ai ʻo Anderson, "e hoʻomaka nā kāne a me nā wahine e ʻoi aku ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e pili ana i kā lākou makemake ... a pehea lākou e makemake ai e hoʻokō."

ʻO wau, i kēia mau lā, he kāne hoʻokahi wau i aʻo ʻia e ka wehe.

Ua hoʻāʻo anei ʻoe i loko o kahi pilina wehe? Manaʻoʻiʻo ʻoe he pilina paʻa i waena o nā kānaka ʻelua a me ka mea ʻē aʻe? Kaʻana ma nā ʻōlelo ma lalo, a i ʻole tweet i ka mea kākau @LauraNewc.

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