ʻO Alison Désir Ma nā mea i manaʻo ʻia o ka hāpai ʻana a me nā makuahine hou vs. ʻOiaʻiʻo

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I ka wā i hāpai ai ʻo Alison Désir—ka mea nāna i hoʻokumu iā Harlem Run, he mea lapaʻau, a he makuahine hou, ua manaʻo ʻo ia ʻo ia ke kiʻi o kahi mea haʻuki e kali nei āu e ʻike ai ma ka media. Holo ʻo ia me kāna puʻupuʻu, holo i loko o ʻeiwa mau mahina e pīhoihoi ana e pili ana i kāna pēpē ma ke ala, a hoʻomau i kona olakino (ʻo ia wale nō ke hele mai nei mai nā kuʻekuʻe wāwae o kahi holo ʻo Marathon City New York).

Akā i kēlā me kēia manawa e holo ai ʻo ia i ka wā o kona hāpai ʻana, e ʻike ʻo Désir i ke kahe koko a ua hoʻokomo ʻia ʻo ia i ka ER i kekahi mau manawa no kēia ma mua o kona hāpai ʻana. "ʻO ka ʻike ka mea i haki i kēia manaʻo e hiki iaʻu ke lilo i makuahine kūpono a i ʻole ka mea haʻuki hāpai āu e ʻike ai ma nā wahi āpau," wahi āna.

Ua hōʻike koke ʻia kekahi mau pilikia ʻē aʻe iā ia: Ua hoʻopau ʻo ia i ka hāʻawi ʻana (ma ka hebedoma 36 mau pule) ma o kahi ʻāpana C pilikia i ka hopena o Iulai no ka mea aia kahi keiki i kahi kūlana breech a ua preeclampsia ʻo ia. A ma muli o kona noho ʻana i kekahi mau lā i loko o ka Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), ʻaʻole i loaʻa iā ia kēlā mau manawa paʻa a i ʻole ka ʻili i ka ʻili me kāna keiki hānau hou-a manaʻo ʻo ia i ka hao ʻia o ka manawa e launa pū me ia.

"Ua loaʻa iaʻu kēia mea i loko o koʻu poʻo, e like me ka ʻōlelo a kēlā me kēia, ʻo ka hāpai ʻana ka manawa nani loa i kou ola," i ʻōlelo ʻo ia. Ma kahi o ia, ua ʻōlelo ʻo ia ua nalowale, huikau, kōkua ʻole, a makaʻu hoʻi-a e like me ia wale nō ka mea i ʻike i kēia ʻano.

I ka hoʻomau ʻana o ka naʻau postpartum, ua hewa ʻo Désir iā ia iho i ka nui o kona makemake ʻole i kāna ʻike hāpai akā akā pehea kona aloha i kāna keiki. Nā manaʻo o ka hopohopo lani lele. A laila, i kekahi lā, haʻalele ʻo ia i ka hale, a haʻohaʻo: E ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kāna pēpē inā ʻaʻole ʻo ia i hoʻi mai? (Eia nā hōʻailona maalea o ke kaumaha hope loa o ka Postpartum āu e nānā ʻole ai.)

He wahi haʻihaʻi ia-a alakaʻi ia iā ia e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ke kōkua āna, ʻoiai he therapist, pono. "He nui ka nuance i nalowale ke kamaʻilio mākou e pili ana i ka ʻike o ka hāpai ʻana," wahi āna. ʻOiai he maʻalahi ka hāpai ʻana o kekahi poʻe, ʻaʻole ia ka moʻolelo o kēlā me kēia kanaka.

He aha ka mea maʻamau? "I kekahi manawa makemake ʻoe iā ia, i kekahi manawa e inaina aku ʻoe iā ia, e poina ana ʻoe i kou wā ma mua, a nui ka kānalua a me ka palekana," wahi āna. "ʻAʻole lawa ka poʻe ma waho e haʻi nei i nā moʻolelo hou aʻe e pili ana i ke ʻano o ia ʻano. Pono mākou e hoʻomaopopo he maʻamau ka hopohopo a me ke kaumaha a aia kekahi mau ala e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke kūleʻa a me ka maikaʻi. Inā ʻaʻole, makaʻu wale ʻoe. a me ka noʻonoʻo ʻana ʻo ʻoe wale nō ka mea e manaʻo nei a hele i kahi ala pouli." (Pili: He aha kāu e ʻike ai e pili ana i ke kākoʻo ʻana i kou olakino noʻonoʻo i ka wā o ka hāpai ʻana a me ka hānau hānau.)

Mai ka loaʻa ʻana o kāna keikikāne, ua lilo ʻo Désir i leo e pili ana i kāna ʻike. Ma Mei, hoʻomaka ʻo ia i kahi huakaʻi i kapa ʻia ʻo Meaning Through Movement, e paipai ana i ke olakino a me ke olakino noʻonoʻo ma o nā hanana a puni ka ʻāina.

Maʻaneʻi, ka mea āna e makemake ai i ka poʻe āpau e ʻike e pili ana i ka mea ma hope o ka kānana o ka hāpai keiki a me ka postpartum - me ke ʻano e loaʻa ai ke kōkua āu e makemake ai.

E ʻimi i nā mea mālama ola āu e pono ai.

"Ke hele nei i ke kauka, hāʻawi wale lākou iā ʻoe i ka ʻike kumu," wahi a Désir. "ʻ telllelo lākou iā ʻoe i kāu helu helu a noi iā ʻoe e hoʻi i ka pule aʻe." Ua ʻike ʻo ia i ke kākoʻo naʻau ma o kahi doula nāna i kōkua iā ia e hoʻomaopopo i kāna mea e manaʻo nei a nānā iā ia i loko o kāna hāpai āpau. Ua hana pū ʻo Désir me kahi mea hoʻoponopono kino no ka hana pelvic papahele. "Me ka ʻole o kahi mea hoʻoponopono kino, ʻaʻole wau e ʻike e pili ana i nā ala e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke hoʻomākaukau i kou kino no ka mea āu e hele ai," i ʻōlelo ai ʻo ia. (Pili: ʻO nā hoʻolālā 5 kiʻekiʻe loa e pono ai kēlā me kēia makuahine-e-hana)

ʻOiai hiki ke hele mai kēia mau lawelawe i ke kumukūʻai hou, e nīnau i kāu ʻoihana ʻinikua olakino he aha ka mea e hiki ke uhi ʻia. ʻO kekahi mau kūlanakauhale, me New York City, ke hoʻonui nei i nā makana mālama ola e ʻae i kēlā me kēia makua mua e hiki ke loaʻa i ʻeono mau kipa home mai kahi ʻoihana mālama ola e like me ka doula.

Noi i kōkua.

Hoʻohālikelike ʻo Désir i kona mau manaʻo ma hope o ka hānau ʻana me kahi puahiohio - ua manaʻo ʻo ia ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻomalu ʻia, hopohopo, hopohopo, a me ke kaumaha. Ua kuʻi ʻo ia iā ia iho e pili ana iā ia, ʻoiai ʻo ia kahi mea hoʻoponopono iā ia iho. "ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke kau i kuʻu manamana lima ma luna a hoʻi i hope a hele i koʻu ʻaoʻao analytical, 'oh, ʻo kēia ka mea e hana nei i kēia manawa'.’

He mea paʻakikī paha ke noi ʻana i ke kōkua inā maʻa ʻoe i ka mea hāʻawi kōkua, akā ʻo ka lilo ʻana i makuahine pono i kahi ʻōnaehana kākoʻo. No Désir, kona makuahine a me kāna kāne ma laila e kamaʻilio pū me ia e pili ana i kāna mea e hele nei. "Ke koi mau nei kaʻu kāne iaʻu e hoʻohui i kekahi mau kumuwaiwai a hiki i kekahi," wahi āna. "ʻO ka loaʻa ʻana o kekahi i kou ola e hiki ke lilo i loko o kou pepeiao ke kī." Ua ʻike ʻo Désir iā ia, no ka mea, ke kōkua nui nei i ka hoʻonui ʻana i nā lāʻau o kāna lāʻau i ka hui ʻana me ka psychiatrist hoʻokahi manawa i ka mahina.

ʻAʻole he makuahine iā ʻoe iho? E nīnau i kāu mau hoaaloha i loaʻa nā pēpē hou pehea lākou maoli ʻo ia hoʻi — ʻo kāu mau hoa 'uaua'. "Inā ʻaʻole maopopo ka poʻe a puni ʻoe i ka mea e hana nei, a laila hiki ke makaʻu loa," wahi a Désir. (Pili: 9 mau wahine ma ka mea e ʻōlelo ʻole ai i kahi hoa e pili ana i ke kaumaha)

E aʻo iā ʻoe iho.

Nui nā puke pēpē i waho akā ua ʻōlelo ʻo Désir ua loaʻa iā ia kahi hoʻomaha i ka heluhelu ʻana i kekahi mau puke e pili ana i nā ʻike a nā makuahine. ʻElua o kāna punahele? He Manaʻo Makaʻu nā Māmā maikaʻi: He alakaʻi hoʻōla i nā makaʻu huna o nā makuahine hou a Hoʻokuʻu i ke pēpē a me nā manaʻo makaʻu ʻē aʻe: ka haki ʻana i ke kaʻina o nā manaʻo makemake ʻole i ka wā makuahine na Karen Kleiman, LCSW, hoʻokumu o ka Postess Stress Center. Kūkākūkā lāua ʻelua i nā 'manaʻo makaʻu' maʻamau i hiki ke hana i ka makuahine hou—a me nā ala e lanakila ai.

E hoʻomaʻemaʻe i kāu hānai kaiāulu.

Hiki ke paʻakikī ka pāʻoihana kaiapili i ka wā hāpai a me ka makuahine hou, akā ʻōlelo ʻo Désir ma ka hahai ʻana i nā moʻolelo kūikawā (ʻo kahi āna e makemake ai ʻo @momdocpsychology) hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike i nā kiʻi maoli a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ka hāpai ʻana a me ka makuahine hou. E hoʻāʻo e hoʻohuli i nā leka hoʻomaopopo no nā hānai kikoʻī a nānā i hope no ka ʻike hou loa ma kahi o ka hele mau ʻana. (Pili: Pehea ka hopena o ka nohona kaulana i ka olakino noʻonoʻo a me ke kino)

E hoʻokuʻu 'pono' mai kāu huaʻōlelo.

He mea hookaumaha, wahi a Désir. Laka iā ʻoe i loko o kēia mau manaʻo kaupalena o ka makuahine ma muli o ka mea āu i ʻike ai. Akā, nona? ʻO ka makuahine 'ʻo ia ia.' "ʻAʻohe aʻu ala nani e kau ai i kahi ʻē aʻe ma mua o kaʻu, ʻo koʻu hāpai ʻana a me koʻu makuahine he lā maoli ia," wahi a Désir. "ʻAʻole ia he manaʻo ʻaʻole ʻoe e mālama i ke kālā no ka wā e hiki mai ana a i ʻole e noʻonoʻo ana e pili ana i ka mea āu e manaʻo ai ke ʻano, akā he lā maoli ia lā. ʻAʻole pono ke ʻano makuahine a nānā paha i kekahi ʻano."

Inā manaʻo ʻoe ke ʻike nei ʻoe i kahi ʻano perinatal a me ka maʻi pīhoihoi, e ʻimi i ke kōkua mai kāu kauka a i ʻole hoʻohana i nā kumuwaiwai mai ka Postpartum Support International non-profit e like me ke kōkua manuahi, ke komo ʻana i nā loea kūloko, a me nā hālāwai pūnaewele ma kēlā me kēia pule.

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