5 mau kumu ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e ʻae i kāu mau hoaaloha e hoʻonohonoho iā ʻoe

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I kekahi manawa o kou ola, ua noʻonoʻo paha ʻoe i ka hoʻonohonoho ʻana o kāu mau hoaaloha iā ʻoe i kahi lā a i ʻole ua hana ʻoe i ka match match. Me he mea lā he manaʻo maikaʻi loa ia - inā he hoaaloha ʻoe me lāua ʻelua, he nui nā mea maʻamau a paʻa paha ia, ʻeā? ʻAʻole pololei. Ua ʻike ʻia kahi noiʻi hou mai ke Kula ʻoihana ʻo Harvard e lawe ka match match i ka hauʻoli i nā mea hoʻokūkū akā ʻaʻole pono i nā poʻe e hoʻonohonoho ana. [Tweet i kēia ʻoiaʻiʻo!]

"ʻOiai e like paha me kāu pals ka mea hoʻokūkū hope loa no ka mea ʻike lākou iā ʻoe a me kāu ʻono maikaʻi loa, ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo ka hoʻonohonoho ʻana iā ʻoe e hiki ai ke alakaʻi i kahi mau hanana maikaʻi ʻole," wahi a Christie Hartman, Ph.D. , he kanaka psychologist a me ka mea akamai i ka pili ana ma Denver. E noʻonoʻo i kēia mau mea ʻelima a noʻonoʻo ʻelua ma mua o ka ʻae ʻana i kāu mau hoaaloha e pāʻani Cupid.

1. Hiki iā Wreak ke hoʻokau i kāu aloha

Wahi a kou hoaaloha e hoʻonohonoho iā ʻoe me kāna hoaaloha ʻo John. Nui ʻo ia a hiki i, mai kahi ʻē, hoʻonuanu ʻo ia iā ʻoe. Huli ʻoe i kāu hoaaloha no ke kākoʻo, akā ma kahi o ke kiʻi ʻana i kāu pae, kūpikipiki ʻo ia a ʻōlelo ʻo ia ke noho nei i waho o kēia-haʻalele ʻana iā ʻoe mehana. "I ka wā e hoʻonoho ai kāu hoaaloha iā ʻoe, lilo ʻo ia i mea waena, hiki iā ia ke hoʻoulu i ka ʻeha ma waena o ʻolua," wahi a Hartman. "Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke hoʻopau i ke kau ʻana iā ia inā ʻaʻole holo pono ke kūlana, ʻoiai ʻaʻole ka hewa ka hopena." A hiki i kēlā pāʻani hoʻopiʻi ke hoʻopilikia nui i kou pilina.

ʻO kahi ala ʻē aʻe e hiki ai i kahi hoʻonohonoho ke hana ʻino i kāu BFF-ness inā manaʻo ʻoe he dud āpau kāu pāʻani a ʻaʻole hiki ke hilinaʻi i ka manaʻo ua maikaʻi ʻo ia no kou komo ʻana i kāna lolo no ka sekona ʻelua. "Inā hoʻonohonoho kāu hoaaloha iā ʻoe me kekahi e kū ʻole i kāu mau kūlana ponoʻī, hoʻoholo paha ʻoe ʻaʻole ʻoe e manaʻo he kāne maikaʻi ʻoe," wahi a Hartman. A inā he kuhi wahaheʻe kēlā ma kou ʻaoʻao, ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo āu e manaʻo nei he ʻoiaʻiʻo ia ua lawa ia e hoʻoulu ai i kahi kaua kūpono ʻole a ʻeha paha.

PILI: ʻO nā wahi maikaʻi loa e hālāwai ai me nā kāne hoʻokahi

2. Manaʻo ʻoe i ke koi ʻana i kahi pilina

E ʻōlelo kākou, ʻaʻole ʻo John e hoʻohālua iā ʻoe, luhi ʻoe iā ia a hoʻopau iā ia. Akā manaʻo nui ʻoe i ka hewa e pili ana i ka hoʻopau ʻana iā ia ʻoiai ʻo ia i "ʻohana" e ʻae ʻoe i nā mea e pāʻani ma mua o ka mea pono. "Ke ʻae ʻoe i kāu mau hoaaloha e hoʻonoho iā ʻoe, hoʻopau ʻoe i ka hoʻoweliweli ʻana i kou kūʻokoʻa pili manuahi ponoʻī no ka mea manaʻo ʻoe he ʻaiʻē lākou na lākou e hāʻawi i kā lākou mau hoaaloha i nā manawa hou aʻe ma mua o ka hāʻawi ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe," wehewehe ʻo Marni Battista, he kumu pili aloha a pilina. ma Los Angeles a hoʻokumu i ka Dating with Dignity. ʻO ka manaʻo o ka pahu i hiki iā ʻoe ke mālama pono ʻole i ke kāne i nīnau ʻia no ka huhū, hoʻohui ʻo Battista, ka mea hiki ke hōʻeha i kona mau manaʻo ma mua o ka ʻoki ʻana i nā pili i ka manawa kūpono.

3. Kapua Ia Kāu Hoʻokolokolo

Hiki ke loaʻa iā ʻoe ka hopena like ʻole "i loko o ka ʻohana": No ka mea ua hoʻopaʻa ʻia ʻo John, ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka lele ʻana i ka manaʻo e hoʻopaʻa ʻoe iā ia. Ma mua o kou ʻike ʻana, e moeʻuhane ana ʻoe e pili ana i nā lā lua kupaianaha āu e hele ai me kāu hoaaloha a me kāna keikikāne - a malia paha kāu inoa male a me kāu pēpē. E hoʻolohi, e kaikamahine! "ʻO ka pilikia me nā mea i manaʻo ʻia he hiki iā lākou ke paʻakikī iā ʻoe e lawe i nā mea ke hiki mai lākou, a ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī iā ʻoe e ʻike inā ʻaʻole maikaʻi ʻolua," i ʻōlelo ʻo Hartman. Ma muli o kou makemake e holo pono ʻole nā ​​mea, e hoʻāʻo paha ʻoe e hoʻoikaika i kahi pilina ma laila wale ʻole. A i ʻole ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi, hiki iā ʻoe ke hopena i ka hāʻule no ka manaʻo o ia ma mua o ka ʻike ʻana iā ia maoli, ʻo wai ka mea kūpono ʻole iā ʻoe. ʻO kēlā me kēia kūlana, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kāu mau manaʻolana, ʻoi aku ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻana iā ʻoe inā ʻaʻole ia e hana i waho - ʻoiai ʻaʻole ia he pāʻani maikaʻi mai ka wā e hele ai. [Tweet i kēia ʻoiaʻiʻo!]

4. Loaʻa paha i kāu hoa aloha nā kumu hope loa

Ke ho'āʻo nei paha kāu hoaaloha e hoʻonohonoho iā ʻoe me kou mau pono maikaʻi wale nō. Eia nō naʻe he hiki iki paha iā ia ke haki iā John a no nā kumu āpau e ʻoluʻolu ʻole ai ke hele pololei nona - no laila hoʻoholo ʻo ia e hoʻonohonoho iā ʻoe me ia, ma ia ala e loaʻa iā ia kahi mea e kamaʻilio pū me ia. "ʻIke nui wau i kēia me kaʻu mau mea kūʻai aku," wahi a Battista. "He aha ka mea e hoʻomaka ai ke kamaʻilio a ke hoa me ke kāne, no laila ua lilo ʻo ia i mea kōkua, no laila ke hoʻokumu nei i kahi ʻano pseudo-intimacy." A waiho ʻia ʻoe me ka ʻole o ka pilina pili pono iā ʻoe.

PILI: 8 Nā mea āu e hana ai i hiki ke hōʻeha i kou pilina

5. ʻOi aku ka paʻakikī o ka hana ʻana me kahi Māhele

ʻO ka maʻamau ke hoʻopau ʻoe i nā mea me kekahi, hiki iā ʻoe ke hana i kahi kahakaha pāpili hoʻomaʻemaʻe a un-follow iā ia ma Instagram a me Twitter a de-hoa iā ia ma Facebook. Akā inā nā hoaaloha o ke kāne me kou hoaaloha, e ʻike nō ʻoe iā ia ma ka pūnaewele a ma ke kino. "ʻOi aku ka paʻakikī o ka launa ʻana me kahi hoaaloha no ka mea ke hoʻomau nei ʻoe i ka lohe ʻana i nā ʻōlelo liʻiliʻi e pili ana iā ia ma o ke kumu waina, a paʻi paha ʻo ia ma nā kiʻi Facebook inā ʻaʻole ʻoe he hoaaloha hou me ia," wahi a Battista. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, pili mau ʻo ia, a ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī iā ʻoe e neʻe i mua.

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