Nā nīnau he 5 ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e nīnau ma ka lā mua

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Ua hui kou mau maka ma ʻō a i ʻole o ka lumi, a i ʻole, "kaomi" wale nō nā pili pili pūnaewele. ʻO nā mea āpau, ua ʻike ʻoe i ka hiki, ua noi ʻo ia iā ʻoe e hele, a i kēia manawa ua mākaukau ʻoe no kēlā butterflies-in-your-tummy lā mua.

No laila he aha ka mea e noho ana ʻolua ma kēlā ʻaoʻao o ka papaʻaina a lilo ke kamaʻilio pilikino? ʻO ka hapanui o mākou ʻike e haʻalele i nā kumuhana hoʻopaʻapaʻa e like me ka politika a me ka hoʻomana, akā pehea ʻo ia pāʻani maikaʻi no nā poʻe ʻelua e hoʻāʻo nei e ʻike i kekahi i kekahi? Inā makemake ʻoe e hoʻohuli iā ia mai ka lā mua i ka hoa ʻuhane, eia nā nīnau ʻelima āu e pono ai ʻaʻole loa e ninau aku.

1. Ninau e pili ana i "The Ex."

Hōʻalo pinepine kēia i ka haʻi moʻolelo inā dishing e pili ana i nā hoʻomanaʻo lā nui, nā lā maikaʻi ʻole, a i ʻole nā ​​kaʻao koleke kahiko. "E ho'āʻo e hoʻopaʻa i ka mea hiki," wahi a Hilary Rushford, ka mea nāna i hoʻokumu i ka blog branding dapper & the Duchess. "ʻAʻole ʻoe makemake e kani i luna i kekahi mea ʻē aʻe. ʻOiai ʻo ka manaʻo o ke kanaka hope āu e pupule nei, hiki ke lilo i kahi pepehi kanaka." Hele pū ʻo ia me ka nīnau ʻana i kāu lā no ke aha i kūleʻa ai kāna pili hope, a no ke aha ʻo ia "noho" hoʻokahi.

2. Kou wahi a me koʻu?

'O ka 'imi 'ana ke ala wikiwiki loa e pepehi ai i ka pilina-i ka wā e pili ana i ka nosing i loko o ke ola moe kāne o kāu lā. Wahi a Coach Steph, kahi "loea aloha" kaulana, "ʻo ka holomua moekolohe-ʻoiai ma ke ʻano he nīnau-hiki ke manaʻo ʻia he mahalo ʻole a he pelapela hoʻi.

"ʻO ka lā mua he manawa kūpono ia e ʻike ai i ke kanaka i mua ou, a e manaʻo ʻia kēlā kanaka ke ʻano ʻino ʻia inā holo wikiwiki ke kamaʻilio mai kāu meaʻai punahele i kāu kūlana punahele," wahi āna. ʻAe ʻo Rushford. "He waha ʻole wale nō ia. Inā ʻaʻole kāu pahuhopu e moekolohe i kēlā pō, mālama i ka puʻuwai me ka puʻuwai, a mālama i ka helu o nā hoa a ʻehia ou mau makahiki i ka wā o nā nīnau no ka manawa kūpono."

3. Ehia mau kālā āu e loaʻa ai?

ʻ speakslelo nui ke kamaʻilio kālā, a he ala surefire ia e hoʻoweliweli iā ia. "ʻAʻole nā ​​kāne e ʻeli i kahi kaikamahine ʻo ia ka mea ʻeli gula" wahi a ka "relationshipologist" ʻo Lindsay Kriger, "a ʻo ka nīnau ʻana e pili ana i kāna kālā e hōʻike ana."

"ʻO ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i ke kūlana o ka lāhui a i ʻole ka hoʻokele waiwai o ka honua he maikaʻi a ʻoiaʻiʻo i ka manawa i kēia manawa. Akā ʻo ka kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i nā kūlana kālā pilikino ʻaʻole i palena a hiki i ka hoʻokumu ʻia ʻana o kahi pilina kūʻokoʻa, "wahi a Carol Brody Fleet, ka mea kākau o ʻO nā wahine kāne make i nā Stiletos (New Horizon Press, 2009).

4. Ma hea kou manaʻo e hele ana kēia pilina?

Inā ʻoe i hui a kamaʻilio mua i ka male, neʻe wikiwiki ʻoe. ʻOiai inā ʻoe e noʻonoʻo ʻo ia ke lilo i The One, "pono ​​ʻoe e leʻaleʻa i ka kāloti," wahi a ka loea nohona ʻo Samantha Goldberg. ʻAe ʻo Kriger. "Makemake nā kāne i ka hahai holoholona, ​​​​mai lilo ʻoe i dia make."

Wahi a David Wygant, ka mea aʻoaʻo kaulana a me ka pilina pili, inā ʻoe e noʻonoʻo nei i ka hauʻoli mau loa a me ka pitter patter o nā wāwae liʻiliʻi, e mālama iā ʻoe iho-i kēia manawa. "Mai nīnau iā ia i ka nui o nā keiki āna e makemake ai i ka lā mua. E kūʻai paha ʻoe i ka minivan i kēia manawa a neʻe i ka hale nui ma nā wahi e pili ana iā ʻoe iho - manaʻo ʻo ia e ʻimi wale ana ʻoe i kahi mea hāʻawi sperm," wahi a Wygant. .

5. He lauoho lauoho kēlā?

E kamaʻilio e pili ana i kahi nīnau i hāpai ʻia. Hiki ke hōʻino wale i ka pilina i kāu lā, ʻoiai inā ʻoe ma ke ʻano maikaʻi. Akā, ua ʻōlelo ʻo Coach Steph, ʻaʻole pau nā kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā hiʻohiʻona.

"ʻO ka haʻi ʻana aku iā ia he ʻumeʻume ʻo ia a i ʻole" he maka maka nui "ʻaʻole wale ia he mea hoʻonāukiuki, akā ʻaʻole ia e hōʻoluʻolu. E minoʻaka ʻo ia, a e mahalo ʻo ia, akā ʻaʻole ʻo ia e hele hou me ʻoe," i ʻōlelo ʻo ia.

E like me ka ʻōlelo ʻana i kona mau hiʻohiʻona he palena ʻole, mai noi ʻoe iā ia e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kāu. "ʻO ka nīnau ʻana iā ia 'ʻike ʻoe iaʻu he uʻi, nani, a hoihoi paha,' a i ʻole kekahi mea e hoʻōho ana 'ʻAʻole maopopo wau a pono wau i ka hōʻoia' e hoʻoweliweli koke iā ia. i ka lā! " Wahi a ka loea loea a me ka mea kākau ʻo Marina Sbrochi.

Kahakaha hope: ʻAʻole ia ʻo kāu therapist.

ʻOiai ʻaʻole kēia he nīnau i kēlā me kēia, he mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo kā kā mākou poʻe loea ma mua o nā hoʻomaka mua o ke kamaʻilio mua. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻoluʻolu me ia a manaʻo e hiki iā ʻoe ke kaʻana like i kekahi mea i ka wā o kēlā lā mua, akā ʻōlelo ʻo Rushford, e waiho i kāu ʻeke ma ka puka.

"He pilikia ko kēlā me kēia kanaka, akā e ho'āʻo ʻoe e alakaʻi ʻole me ke ʻano wela o kou puka ʻana mai ka puka hoʻomaka. 'oe ma mua o nā pu'upu'u i loa'a iā mākou a pau."

E ho'āʻo e kālele i nā mea maikaʻi i kou ola, a ʻaʻole e ʻōlelo ʻino e pili ana i nā mea e hoʻonāukiuki iā ʻoe - kou lā weliweli, kou mau hoa hana ʻino, a i ʻole kou haku ʻino. "ʻAʻole kēia e hoʻolilo iā ʻoe i mea ʻoi aku ke koʻikoʻi a i ʻole," i ʻōlelo ai ʻo Rushford. "Ma kahi o, e nānā i ka mea e hoʻomālamalama ai iā ʻoe, lawe mai i ka hauʻoli, a hauʻoli ʻoe." A i kekahi lā, ʻo ia nō paha ia.

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