Eia ke ʻano o ka pilina Polyamorous a me ka mea ʻaʻole

Anter

• He aha ka wehewehe o ka polyamorous?
• Ka pilina polyamorous ≠ pili wehe
• Loaʻa i kekahi mau pilina poly i ka "kūkulu" ʻoiai ʻaʻole nā ​​ʻē aʻe
• ʻO nā poʻe o kēlā me kēia ʻano kāne, ka moekolohe, a me ke kūlana pilina hiki ke poly
• ʻAʻole, ʻo ka poly ʻaʻole ia he "ʻano hou"
• ʻAʻole pili wale ka pilina polyamorous i ka moe ʻana
• Akā, ʻoiaʻiʻo, hiki i ka moekolohe ke lilo i ʻāpana
• Nā pilina Polyamorous * ʻaʻole * no ka hoʻokō-phobes
• Inā makemake ʻoe e hoʻokolohua me ka pili aloha polyamorous, pono ʻoe e hana i kāu noiʻi
• Nānā no

ʻO Bethany Meyers, Nico Tortorella, ʻo Jada Pinkett Smith, a me Jessamyn Stanley nā AF nani a pau, nā ʻoihana ʻino e hana nei i nā nalu ma kāu mau hānai kaiaulu. Akā loaʻa kekahi mea like iā lākou: ʻike lākou āpau he polyamorous.

I kēia manawa ua lohe paha ʻoe no "polyamory" a me "nā pilina polyamorous." Akā, maopopo anei iā ʻoe ke ʻano o lākou? Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe he poly, ʻōlelo ʻo Stanely ʻaʻole paha ʻoe. I loko o kahi Instagram Story hou, ua ʻōlelo ʻo ia, "huikau ʻo Polyamory me ka makemake e moekolohe a pono paha e moekolohe me nā poʻe like ʻole, ʻaʻole maoli ia." (Pili: Pehea e loaʻa ai kahi pilina Polyamorous olakino)

No laila he aha nā pilina polyamorousʻoiaʻiʻo pili ana? E ʻike ai, ua kūkākūkā mākou me nā mea aʻo moekolohe i loea i ka non-monogamy ethical. Ma aneʻi, wehewehe lākou i ka dinamika o polyamory a kāpae i kekahi o nā kuhi hewa maʻamau e puni ana iā ia.

He aha ka wehewehe o ka polyamorous?

Wahi a kā mākou hoaloha ʻo Merriam Webster ʻo ka huaʻōlelo "polyamory" e pili ana i nā poʻe i pili i ka pilina aloha ma mua o hoʻokahi. ʻOiai kahi hoʻomaka OK, ʻōlelo nā mea aʻo wahine a me nā wahine polyamory i kēia misses ua hala kekahivv ʻāpana nui: ʻae.

"ʻO Polyamory kahi pilina pili pono, pono, a kipaku ʻia e ʻae ʻia e hiki ai iā mākou ke komo i nā mea he nui (poly), aloha aloha (amorous)," i ʻōlelo ʻia e ka mea hoʻolauleʻa wahine e pili ana i ka leʻaleʻa a me ka loio i loko o ka wahine, ʻo Lateef Taylor. "He mea nui ka ʻae ʻae ma aneʻi." No laila, ʻoiai he nui ka pilina pili a/a i ʻole ka pilina pili i ka manawa like, ua ʻike nā mea a pau (!!) i pili ʻo ia ka hoʻoikaika o ka pilina.

Kaha: inā ʻoe i loko o kahi pilina monogamous hana a hoʻopunipuni ʻia a hoʻopunipuni ʻia paha, e ʻike ʻo ia nōʻaʻole polyamory. "ʻO ka hoʻopunipuni kekahi ʻano e hiki ke hana ʻia ma kekahi ʻano pilina no ka mea ʻo ia nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo i nā ʻaelike a i ʻole nā ​​palena o ka pilina," wehewehe ʻo ka mea hoʻonaʻauao wahine a me ka mea noiʻi noiʻi laikini ʻo Liz Powell, Psy.D., ka mea kākau oKe kūkulu nei i nā pilina e wehe ana: Kou Alakaʻi ʻAoʻao e piʻo ai, Polyamory, & ma ʻō aku.Unuhi: ʻo ke kāhea ʻana iā ʻoe iho "poly" ʻaʻole ia he pass manuahi na ʻoe a i ʻole kāu ipo e launa pū me ka poʻe āu e makemake ai.

Ka pilina polyamorous ≠ pili wehe

Hoʻohui pinepine ʻia a huikau nā ʻōlelo pili pili ʻole monogamous āpau. ʻO Sarah Sloane, ka mea aʻo wahine a me nā pilina, nāna i aʻo i nā papa pāʻani moe kolohe ma Good Vibrations and Pleasure Chest mai ka makahiki 2001, wehewehe ʻo ia ka consensual non-monogamy (i kapa ʻia kekahi manawa ethical non-monogamy)pau loa o kēia mau mea.

Ua lohe paha ʻoe i ka huaʻōlelo "queer" i wehewehe ʻia ma ke ʻano he huaʻōlelo umbrella? ʻAe, ʻōlelo ʻo Sloane "ʻo ka consensual non-monogamy e hana like me kahi huaʻōlelo umbrella, pū kekahi." Ma lalo o kēlā malu, aia nā ʻano like ʻole o ka pilina non-monogamous, me nā pilina polyamorous, a me ka koli, ka pilina wehe, nā throuples, a me nā mea hou aku.

Kali, no laila he aha ka ʻokoʻa ma waena o nā pilina polyamorous a hāmama? "ʻO ke ʻano o kēia mau huaʻōlelo pili i nā mea ʻokoʻa iki i nā poʻe like ʻole," i wehewehe ai ʻo Sloane. ʻO ka mea maʻamau, "inā hoʻohana kekahi i ka huaʻōlelo 'polyamorous,' hoʻohana lākou iā ia e wehewehe i nā pilina pili i ka naʻau a me ke aloha, e kū'ē i ka moekolohe," wahi āna. ʻO nā pilina hāmama, ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, pili i ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi hoa i kāu kaomi nui / kāu mea boo / kāu hoa / kāu meli, a me nā hoa ʻē aʻe e pili maoli i ka moekolohe ~. ʻO ka waiho wale, ʻoiai ʻo nā pilina hāmama a me nā pilina polyamorous nā hana ʻelua o ka non-monogamy ethical, ʻo nā pilina polyamorous ka mea maʻamau i kahi lumi no kahi ʻoi aku ma mua o hoʻokahi pilina pili naʻau. (Pili: 6 Mea hiki i nā poʻe Monogamous ke aʻo mai nā pilina wehe)

E hoʻomanaʻo wale nō: "I ʻike ai i ka manaʻo o kekahi ke ʻōlelo lākou aia lākou i loko o kahi pilina polyamorous, e nīnau iā lākou, no ka meahana mea like ʻole i nā poʻe like ʻole, "wahi a Sloane.

Loaʻa i kekahi mau pilina poly i ka "kūkulu" ʻoiai ʻaʻole nā ​​ʻē aʻe

E like me ka nānā ʻole ʻana o nā pilina ʻelua monogamous, ʻaʻole hoʻi i pili i nā pilina polyamorous ʻelua. "Nui a hewahewa nā ala like ʻole e pili ai ka pilina pilikino me nā poʻe he nui, no laila nui nā ala e hiki ai i nā pilina polyamorous ke hōʻike a pāʻani hoʻi," i ʻōlelo ʻia ʻo Amy Boyajian, Luna Nui a me ka mea hoʻokumu o Wild Flower, kahi olakino moekolohe hou a me nā mākua. hale kūʻai.

Ua wehewehe ʻo Sloane e hahai ana kekahi poʻe i kahi hierarchy pili kahi i manaʻo ʻia ai nā hoa "kumu mua," "kualua," "kumu kula," a pēlā aku, e pili ana i ke kiʻekiʻe o ka hoʻokō. "ʻAʻole hoʻohana nā mea ʻē aʻe i nā lepili kikoʻī, akā e hoʻonohonoho i ka 'mea nui' o kā lākou mau pilina e pili ana i ka mea a lākou e noho pū nei, he mau keiki me, a pēlā aku," i ʻōlelo ʻo ia. Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, pale kekahi poʻe i ka "hoʻonohonoho" i nā poʻe a lākou e woo-ing a hoʻohiwahiwa ʻia e, hoʻohui ʻo Sloane.

ʻO ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i kahi ʻano pilina (a i ʻole ka nele) e hana maikaʻi loa iā ʻoe, pono e hoʻomaopopo iā ʻoe iho a me kāu mea e pono ai mai kou pilina, wahi a Boyajian. "Pono ʻoe e noʻonoʻo hohonu i nā mea āu e ʻoluʻolu ai, he aha kāu mau pono, a laila hiki ke kamaʻilio i kēlā mau mea i kāu mau hoa a me nā hoa pili."

ʻO nā poʻe o kēlā me kēia ʻano kāne, ka moekolohe, a me ke kūlana pilina hiki ke poly

"ʻO kēlā me kēia mea i manaʻoʻiʻo a kūpaʻa i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka pilina pili pono ʻole monogamous hiki ke ʻimi i kēia ʻano aloha," wahi a Taylor.

BTW, hiki iā ʻoe ke noho kaʻawale a hoʻomaopopo ʻia he poly. Hiki iā ʻoe ke moe me hoʻokahi kanaka a i ʻole ka launa pū ʻanamalie e hoʻomaopopo he poly. "ʻO ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana ma ke ʻano he poly ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo no ʻoemau loaʻa i nā hoa he nui i ka manawa hoʻokahi," wahi a Boyajian, "Ua like ia me ka pansexual. Ke hoʻomau nei ʻoe i ka pansexual inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e pili ana i kēia manawa a moe pū me kekahi!" (Related: What It Really Means to Be Gender Fluid or Identify As Non-Binary)

ʻAʻole, ʻo ka poly ʻaʻole ia he "ʻano hou"

Me he mea lā ʻo Polyamory ~ ʻo nā keiki ʻoluʻolu āpau e hana nei ~ akā he moʻolelo nui kāna. "Ke hana nei ka poʻe ʻōiwi a me ka poʻe queer no nā makahiki he nui," wahi a Powell. "A iā mākou i kapa aku ai he 'trend', holoi mākou i ka moʻaukala o nā ʻano kanaka āpau e hoʻomaʻamaʻa nei i ka non-monogamy ma loko o ka mōʻaukala, ma mua o ka hoʻomaka ʻana o ke keʻokeʻo Komohana e hana."

No laila, he aha ka mea e hana koke ai i nā mea āpau? Hele mua, hoʻomaha. ʻAʻolenā mea a pau ke hana nei. ʻOiai hoʻokahi ana noiʻi ua ʻike ʻia ma kahi o 21 pākēneka o ko ʻAmelika i hoʻāʻo i ka consonual non-monogamy i kekahi manawa o ko lākou ola, ua ʻōlelo ʻia kahi kumu ʻē aʻe he 5 pākēneka wale nō o ka poʻe.i kēia manawa i ka pili pili ʻole monogamous. Eia nō naʻe, ʻo ka ʻikepili hou loa ma ka liʻiliʻi he ʻelua mau makahiki, no laila ke ʻōlelo nei ka poʻe loea i ka pākēnekaMei e kiʻekiʻe aʻe i luna.

Hāʻawi ʻo Sloane i kāna kuhiakau ponoʻī: "Ma ke ʻano he kaiāulu, aia paha mākou i kahi e kamaʻilio nui ai mākou e pili ana i ke ʻano o ke aloha a me nā pilina," i ʻōlelo ʻo ia. "A ʻo ka nui o kā mākou kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka polyamory, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka poʻe e noʻonoʻo iā lākou iho." (Pili: ʻO ke kumu kupaianaha makemake nā wahine i ka male male ma mua o nā kāne)

ʻAʻole pili wale ka pilina polyamorous i ka moe ʻana

Aia ka manaʻo kuhihewa ʻo ka polyamory e pili ana i kahi pono a makemake paha e loaʻa i ka nui o ka moekolohe me nā poʻe he nui, ua haʻi hou ʻo Stanley ma Instagram. Akā, "heʻoiaʻiʻo maoli nō ia o ka nui maoli," i kākau ʻo ia.E like me ka wehewehe a Powell: "ʻAʻole pili ka Polyamory i ka moekolohe, e pili ana i ka makemake (a i ʻole ka hana) o ka makemake e loaʻa nā pilina aloha he nui."

I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, i kekahi manawa ʻaʻole pili ka moekolohe ma ka papa. ʻO kahi laʻana, ʻo nā poʻe e ʻike he asexual (ʻo ia hoʻi ʻaʻole lākou e ʻike i ka makemake e moekolohe) hiki i loko o nā pilina polyamorous, i ʻōlelo ʻia e ka mea aʻo wahine ʻo Dedeker Winston, ka mea kākau oʻO ke alakaʻi a ke kaikamahine akamai i Polyamory. "No ka poʻe asexual, polyamorous e ʻae iā lākou e mahi i nā pilina e pili ana i ka hoʻokō, ka pilina, nā waiwai like, a me nā ʻike like me kahi hoa a mau hoa paha, ʻoiai e ʻae nei i kēlā hoa e moekolohe."

Akā, ʻoiaʻiʻo, hiki i ka moekolohe ke lilo i ʻāpana

"ʻO Polyamory e pili ana i ka hoʻolālā ʻana i kahi kaila pili i ka manaʻo e hana no ʻoe, no laila hiki i ka moekolohe ke hoʻokele mua a i ʻole he mahele wale nō," i ʻōlelo ʻia e ka mea aʻo a me ka mea noiʻi kāne a wahine ʻo Ren Grabert, M.Ed. (BTW: Inā ʻoe e noʻonoʻo poly = orgies i nā manawa āpau, e koho hou. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka moekolohe pūʻulu kekahi o nā manawa. Akā ʻaʻole ia kahi hiʻohiʻona wehewehe o nā pilina polyamorous.)

A ke moe koloheʻo ia ʻO kahi hapa o ia mea, ʻōlelo ʻo Boyajian e kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā hana palekana-sex a me ke kūlana STI ke kī. "Ke hoʻohana nei ʻoe i ka pale me kāu mau hoa āpau? ʻO kahi hui o ʻoe wale nō kekahi i kekahi a no laila ʻaʻole hoʻohana i nā pale? E hoʻohana anei ʻoe i ka pale me nā hoa āpau akā hoʻokahi, ʻo wai kāu e pili pono ai?" Pono e ʻaelike kēia mau kikoʻī ma mua o ka hiki ʻana o ka pilina kolohe a me ke kamaʻilio mau. (Eia pehea e nīnau ai i kāu hoa inā ua loaʻa iā lākou kahi hōʻike STD.)

Nā pilina Polyamorous * ʻaʻole * no ka hoʻokō-phobes

Aia kekahi kuhi hewa ʻo ka polyamorous ka mea like me ka "maikaʻi ʻole i ka hoʻokō ʻana." ʻO kēlā hogwash. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua ʻōlelo ʻo Taylor e koi ana ka poli iā atona o ke kūpaʻa — iā ʻoe iho a i ka poʻe āu e ʻike nei. "E noʻonoʻo e pili ana: ʻo ka pili ʻana me nā poʻe he nui e koi aku i ka poʻe āu e aloha nei a ʻike paha a hoʻohanohano iā lākou a me nā palena o kāu pili."

ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, inā hoʻomaka ʻoe i ka launa polyamorously kikoʻīno ka mea makaʻu ʻoe i ke kūpaʻa, e holo paha kāu mau pilina, wahi a Powell. "He aha ka mea e hiki ai ke hoʻopau ka poʻe i ka lawe ʻana i kā lākou kūpaʻa-aversion - a me nā pilikia e pili pū me ia - i nā pilina he nui, ma kahi o hoʻokahi wale nō." Woof.

Inā makemake ʻoe e hoʻokolohua me ka pili aloha polyamorous, pono ʻoe e hana i kāu noiʻi

Malia paha makemake ʻoe e ʻimi i ka polyamory. Malia paha ʻo kā Stanely aloha aloha no kāna mau hoa ma hope o kahi ulia pahika ("Ke mahalo pū nei wau no kaʻu mau hoa a me ke ʻano o kā lākou hoʻopaʻa ʻana iaʻu a me kekahi i ka pō nei / i kēia kakahiaka") i hoʻokūʻī i kou hoihoi. A i ʻole he pīhoihoi wale paha ʻoe no ka ʻike e hiki mai ana. ʻO nā kumu āpau, inā ʻoe — a i ʻole ʻoe a me kāu hoa — makemake e hoʻokolohua me ka polyamory, pono ʻoe e hana i kāu noiʻi.

Kudos, helu kēia ʻatikala. Akā inā ʻo ʻoeʻoiaʻiʻo ke nānā nei i ka lā polyamorously, ʻaʻole lawa. "Ke hana nei i ka noiʻi ʻana ma nā pilina polyamorous, nā palena ma waena o kēlā pilina, a me nā mea āu e ʻimi nei mai ka pili aloha polyamorous i mea nui," wahi a Grabert.

No kēlā mea, eia nā manaʻo loea i nīnauele ʻia:

• Podcast Multiamory
• Ke polyamorous o kekahi mea āu e aloha ai na Elisabeth Sheff, Ph.D.
• Ke kūkulu nei i nā pilina e wehe ana: Kou Alakaʻi ʻAoʻao e piʻo ai, Polyamory, & ma ʻō akuna Liz Powell, Psy.D.
• ʻO ka Slut Ethical: Kahi alakaʻi kūpono i Polyamory, nā pilina wehe, a me nā kūʻokoʻa ʻē aʻe na Janet W. Hardy lāua ʻo Dossie Easton
• ʻOi aku ma mua o ʻelua: He alakaʻi i ka Monogamy Etika na Franklin Veaux lāua ʻo Eve Ricket
• ʻO ka blog ka Poly.Land
• ʻO ka blog ʻo SoloPoly

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