Ke manaʻo nei kēia Polyamorous Therapist i ka Lili He Manaʻo Kupanaha - Eia ke kumu

Anter

• He aha ka lili, ʻoiaʻiʻo?
• Pehea e hana ai me ka lili i nā pilina
• ʻAnuʻu 1: ʻcklelo
• KaʻAnuʻu 2: E wehewehe
• KaʻAnuʻu 3: Hāʻawi
• Nānā no

"ʻAʻole ʻoe lili?" ʻO ia ka nīnau mua aʻu e loaʻa ai ma hope o ka kaʻana like ʻana me kekahi ʻaʻole wau i monogamous. "ʻAe, ʻoiaʻiʻo nō," pane wau i kēlā me kēia manawa. A laila, maʻamau, nānā mau lākou iaʻu me ka huikau a hiki i kaʻu ʻōlelo ʻana i kahi mea, a hoʻāʻo hōʻoluʻolu ʻole paha e hoʻololi i ke kumuhana. Hoʻomaʻo pinepine wau e paʻi i ka hoʻololi kūpilikiʻi me, "mai hana oe lili?" ʻo ia ka mea e hoʻōki ai iā lākou i ko lākou ala i ko lākou ʻike ʻana ʻaʻole ʻo ka monogamous ka lāʻau no ka lili.

Inā ʻoe i ulu a nānā i nā comedies aloha a i ʻole kekahi hōʻike i pili aloha ʻia i loko, ʻike paha ʻoe i ka lili i hōʻike ʻia ma ke ʻano he hana ma mua o kahi manaʻo. ʻO kahi laʻana: Makemake ke keikikāne akā ʻaʻole pololei e pili ana iā ia, hōʻike ke kaikamahine i ka hoihoi i kekahi kanaka ʻē aʻe, hoihoi nui ke keiki i kēia manawa i ka alualu ʻana i ua kaikamahine lā. ʻO kekahi laʻana: Hōʻike pinepine ʻia nā pilina ma ke ʻano he kuleana. Nui loa inā inā he kanaka ʻē aʻe nana aku i kā lākou hoa ma ke ʻano flirtatious a i ʻole makemake ʻia, kūpono ia no ka hoa e "lilo i ke kino" a i ʻole e hoʻomaka i kahi hakakā. (Pili: Kūpono ʻole e hele ma waena o kāu kelepona a kāu hoa hana a heluhelu i kā lākou mau ʻōlelo?)

Aia kekahi mau leka i nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni a me ke kīwī e haʻi ana iā ʻoe inā ʻoe mai hana manaʻo lili, aia paha kekahi mea hewa iā ʻoe a i ʻole kou pilina. I ka manawa, ʻoiaʻiʻo, i hope kēlā. ʻIke, ʻoi aku ka paʻa o kou pili ʻana iā ʻoe iho a me kāu mau hoa, ʻo ka liʻiliʻi o ka lili maʻamau. ʻO ka mea e lawe iā mākou i ...

He aha ka lili, ʻoiaʻiʻo?

Kuhi kēia mau mea āpau i ka lili ma ke ʻano he hana kaiaulu: ʻaʻole ʻike like ka lili ma waena o nā hui like ʻole o ka poʻe, akā hilinaʻi nui ia i nā kaiaulu. ʻO kahi kūkulu kaiaulu kahi mea i ʻole i ka ʻike maoli akā no ka hopena o ka launa kanaka. Aia no no ka mea ua ʻae ke kanaka e noho nei. ʻO kahi hiʻohiʻona maikaʻi o kekahi ʻē aʻe he puʻupaʻa. Ua emi iho paha kou pono ma hope o kou moe kolohe ʻana i hoʻokahi manawa? Ua oi aku anei kou waiwai? Ma mua o ke aha? Ma mua o wai? ʻAʻole mākou e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kekahi hanana ʻē aʻe e like me ka "lawe" ʻana a i ʻole "hāʻawi" ʻana i kekahi mea, no laila no ke aha he mea nui kēia hana nui? ʻĀ, ua hoʻoholo kekahi poʻe ʻo ia nō, a laila ʻae ka hapa nui o ka poʻe, ua lilo ia i "mea maʻamau," a ʻaʻole nīnau ka hapanui o nā poʻe i ke ʻano maʻamau. Akā, hoʻi hou i ka lili: He kuʻuna moʻomeheu ka manaʻo lili ke ʻike kāu hoa i kahi mea ʻē aʻe.

No laila, inā pehea mākou e ʻike ai i kēia manawa ka lili he hana pilikino wale nō ia, pehea ke ʻano inā hana hou mākou i ka lili?

Eia kaʻu ka wehewehe ʻana o ka lili: kahi ʻoluʻolu ʻoluʻolu ʻole o nā manaʻo i hana maʻamau ʻia e 1) ka palekana a me / a i ʻole 2) ke ʻike nei i kekahi e loaʻa a loaʻa i kahi mea a mākou e makemake ai.

ʻIke ka poʻe āpau i ka lili ma ka ʻokoʻa no ka mea ʻaʻole ia hoʻokahi naʻau maʻalahi a me nā hopena kemika. Ke mālama ʻoe e pili ana i kekahi, e noʻonoʻo a manaʻo paha ʻoe e pili ana i nā mea e hana nei i ko lākou ola - a i kekahi manawa manaʻo ʻia he lili. (Pili: ʻO kēia ʻanuʻu 5-ʻāpana e kōkua iā ʻoe e hoʻololi i nā ʻōnaehana manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole)

Pehea e hana ai me ka lili i nā pilina

ʻOiai ʻaʻole ka mea lili kekahi mea hoʻokahi, ʻaʻohe "hoʻōla" no ia - akā inā aia, he ʻike ponoʻī a kamaʻilio. ʻO ka ʻoi aku ka ʻike iā ʻoe iho, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka hiki iā ʻoe ke inoa i ke ʻano o kou lili, e maʻalahi ai ke kamaʻilio ʻana, noho pū me, a hoʻoholo hope. (Pili: 6 Mea hiki i nā poʻe Monogamous ke aʻo mai nā pilina wehe)

ʻO ka wehewehe hou ʻana i ka lili e lawe nui i ka ʻike pilikino, ka nui o ke kamaʻilio ʻana, a me ka manaʻo ʻaʻole e hoʻohilahila iā ʻoe iho ke manaʻo ʻoe i ka lili. He mea pilikino ka lili, akā ʻo ka maʻamau he manaʻo ʻē aʻe āu e pono ai e hoʻoponopono.

ʻEkolu aʻu mau hoa i manaʻo wau i nā mea āpau e lilo i mau hoa "mua" - a no ka mea he lāʻau lapaʻau wau ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo no ka lili a i ʻole ke kaumaha loa i koʻu mau manaʻo. He kanaka wau i lili (a me ka hapanui o nā manaʻo) hohonu loa. A ma waena o kā mākou ʻehā, he mau manaʻo like ʻole kā mākou no ka lili a me ka manaʻo.

Ke lili kekahi o mākou, ke kaʻana like nei mākou me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Manaʻo kōkua: ʻoi aku ka weliweli o nā manaʻo ke waiho wale ʻia i kou noʻonoʻo ma mua o ka haʻi ʻōlelo ʻana me kahi mea āu e aloha ai. No laila, inā lili au, e nīnau wau iaʻu iho, "He aha kaʻu e hopohopo nei?" a "He aha kaʻu e makemake ai ʻaʻole wau i hiki iaʻu ke komo?" A laila, ʻike wau i kēlā mea a kamaʻilio i koʻu mau lili me nā mea aʻu i manaʻo ai e kōkua. (E nānā: Pehea e loaʻa ai kahi pilina polyamorous olakino)

ʻO ka manawa pinepine, ke kamaʻilio ka poʻe i ka lili a i kekahi ʻano manaʻo ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻole lākou e kaʻanalike i kā lākou makemake a i nā kūlana e hiki mai ana. Ma kahi o ka hoʻolei ʻana o ka poʻe i ke kinipōpō o nā manaʻo i kā lākou hoa a lana ka manaʻo ʻike lākou i ka mea e hana ai me ia. Ke ʻike ʻoe i kahi e hele mai ai nā manaʻo lili, hiki iā ʻoe ke noi (a me ka manaʻolana e loaʻa) i kāu makemake.

ʻO ka lili kahi manaʻo kokoke-hiki ʻole ke pale ʻia i kekahi pilina, e like me ka nui o nā manaʻo, no laila no ke aha e aʻo ʻole ai pehea e noiʻi ai i kou mau manaʻo a laila e hoʻokō ʻia kāu mau pono ma kahi o ka noho ʻeha a me ka ʻeha ʻole. Ke kamaʻilio ʻoe i kou lili, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohana i kaʻu kiʻina A-E-ʻO: e hōʻoia, wehewehe, a hāʻawi. (He mea kōkua nui ke hoʻonohonoho ʻoe i nā palena.) Eia pehea.

ʻAnuʻu 1: ʻcklelo

He mea nui kēia ʻanuʻu mua o kēia kamaʻilio ponoʻī akā haʻalele wale ʻia. Pono ia i ka inoa ʻana i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo a i ka mea paha e makemake ʻole ai kekahi e ʻōlelo, me ka leo nui.

Hoʻomaka ia me "Maopopo iaʻu ..." a hiki ke kani i kekahi mea e like, "Maopopo iaʻu ke paʻakikī nei i ka hoʻokele ʻana i kēia mea hou," a i ʻole "ʻike wau he hohonu maoli koʻu a ʻaʻole ʻoe e manaʻo e hōʻeha iaʻu." (E heluhelu pū kekahi: ʻO ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a me ka pilina mai kahi laikini laikini)

KaʻAnuʻu 2: E wehewehe

He mea maʻamau ka luʻu pinepine ʻana i ke kamaʻilio ʻana, me ka hoʻolei ʻana i ke kanaka āu e kamaʻilio nei i kahi pōpō nunui o nā manaʻo a me nā manaʻo, a laila e nānā iā lākou e like me, "no laila he aha kā mākou e hana ai?" Ma muli o kēia hoʻolālā hiki ke kōkua iā ʻoe e kamaʻilio i kou mau manaʻo a me kou mau manaʻo a hoʻomaka i ka holomua ma nā pae aʻe.

ʻO kahi laʻana: "ʻIke wau ___ (ʻuhane) ____ ke / ma kahi o ____ (kumuhana / hana e hāʻawi ana i kēlā manaʻo) ___."

Laʻana 1: "Ke lili wau ke ʻike wau iā ʻoe e ʻai pū ana i ka steak me John akā ʻo nā mea ʻai wale me aʻu."

Laʻana 2: "makaʻu wau a lili hoʻi ke haʻalele ʻoe i nā lā."

KaʻAnuʻu 3: Hāʻawi

Hāʻawi ka ʻōlelo hāʻawi i kāu hoa i ka manaʻo o kāu mea e makemake ai (e hoʻomanaʻo: ʻaʻole hiki i kekahi ke heluhelu i ka noʻonoʻo), kahi pēpē pēpē i kahi hopena ʻoi aku ka ikaika, a i ʻole kou manaʻo no kahi hoʻoponopono. (E pili ana: Pehea e loaʻa ai nā hoʻopaʻapaʻa pili olakino)

E ho'āʻo: "ʻO kaʻu mea makemake loa e hana ʻo…." a i ʻole "ʻO kahi mea aʻu e makemake ai e hana he…." a i ʻole "Makemake au e…" ukali ʻia e "pehea ke kani?" aiʻole "pehea kou manaʻo?"

Laʻana 1: "Makemake au e ʻoliʻoli i ka pāʻina steak me ʻoe i kekahi manawa. Pehea kou manaʻo?"

Laʻana 2: "E kōkua nui ia iaʻu inā hiki iā ʻoe ke leka iaʻu i kekahi mau ʻōlelo hoʻohiki no kā mākou pili ma mua a ma hope hoʻi o kāu lā. E like paha ia me kahi mea hiki iā ʻoe ke hana?"

I ka manawa aʻe e lili ana ʻoe, e nīnau iā ʻoe iho inā he insecurity a i ʻole kekahi mea āu e makemake ai e komo, a laila kamaʻilio pū me kāu (mau) hoa a hana i nā hana e hana ai i ka insecurity a i ʻole e kiʻi i ka mea āu e makemake ai. ʻAʻole pono ka lili i holoholona nunui makaʻu makaʻu; hiki iā ia ke kōkua iā ʻoe e ʻike iā ʻoe iho a me kāu mau hoa ma kahi pae hohonu inā ʻae ʻoe iā ia.

ʻO Rachel Wright, M.A., L.M.F.T., (ʻo ia) he mea lapaʻau psychotherapist, hoʻonaʻauao wahine, a me ka loea pili i hoʻokumu ʻia ma New York City. He ʻōlelo akamai ʻo ia, he mea hoʻoponopono hui, a he mea kākau. Ua hana ʻo ia me nā kaukani mau kānaka ma ka honua holoʻokoʻa e kōkua iā lākou e uē liʻiliʻi a hoʻonui hou.

Nānā no