Maikaʻi hou, maikaʻi ʻole nā ​​pilina ma waho no kou olakino?

Anter

• No ke aha lākou maikaʻi ʻole ai iā ʻoe
• Pehea ʻoe e ʻike ai e hāʻawi
• Pehea e (ʻOiaʻiʻo) hoʻopau iā ia
• Nānā no

Newsflash: ʻO ke kūlana pilina "paʻakikī" ʻaʻole maikaʻi wale ia no kāu pili kaiapili, maikaʻi ʻole ia no kou olakino holoʻokoʻa.

"ʻO ka pili hou, hiki i nā pilina ke hoʻoulu i ka hopohopo nui no ka mea e manaʻo paha ʻoe e hele ana ʻoe ma luna o nā ʻōpū hua manu, e hoʻāʻo ana e hoʻoholo inā kokoke ʻoe e kaʻawale i kēlā me kēia manawa," wahi a Andrea Syrtash, ka loea pilina a me ka mea kākau. o ka ʻAʻole wale ʻo ia kāu ʻano (A ʻo ia kahi mea maikaʻi). "He hilinaʻi ka pilina maikaʻi a olakino hoʻi, kamaʻilio hāmama, mahalo, a kūlike ʻole-e nalowale ana kēia mau mea mai nā mea he nui a i ʻole nā ​​pili hou." (Eia 10 mau ala ʻino e pane ai kou kino i ka pilikia.)

No ke aha lākou maikaʻi ʻole ai iā ʻoe

ʻO ka mea mua: He aha ka mea i loko o kahi lepili? ʻO ka huaʻōlelo kūpono no kēia mau pilina pili hou, ʻo ia ka "pilikia pili." "A ʻo kēia kaʻa paikikala e hoʻoweliweli i kou nohona naʻau," i ʻōlelo ʻia ʻo Lisa Brateman, kahi psychotherapist a me ka loea pili pilina ma New York City. "Lawe ka paikikala i nā manaʻo hou o ke kūpaʻa ʻole, ka nalowale, ka ʻehaʻeha, a me ka ʻeha. ʻO kēia kumu luku e hōʻino i ka hilinaʻi a me ka pilina." (E makaʻala i kēia mau mea 8 e hōʻeha ai i kou pilina.)

I ka pōkole: ʻO ka poʻe i loko o kēia mau pilina hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka naʻau e ulu maikaʻi i nā manawa maikaʻi a noho maoli i ka hewa. ʻAʻole wale kēia ʻano roller coaster naʻau e hāʻawi iā ʻoe i ka loli o ka naʻau, hiki iā ia ke hana pū me kou hilinaʻi ke hiki mai i kou kino, ʻoihana, a me nā mea hou aʻe. "ʻO ka hana hou ʻana o hope a i hope e hoʻonāukiuki i ka huhū, ka hopohopo, ka huhū a me ke kaumaha pinepine," wahi a Brateman.

Pehea ʻoe e ʻike ai e hāʻawi

Hiki i ke kamaʻāina o ka pilina ke paʻakikī loa i ka hele ʻana ke hele a paʻakikī ke hele, ʻoiai ʻo kona ʻano noʻonoʻo. Ma hope o kekahi manawa, hiki i ka tarik-of-war ke waiho i nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua a hakahaka. "ʻO ka manawa kēia e neʻe ai inā manaʻo ʻoe ua hoʻāʻo ʻoe i nā mea āpau e hana i ka pilina, a he paio nō ia," wahi a Syrtash. "Inā ua kūkākūkā ʻoe i kāu mau pilikia ma ke ākea, hana i ka hana ʻana i mea ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi, ke lawe nei i ka manawa e aʻo ai e pili ana i nā mea e pono ai kāu pakanā a hōʻike i nā mea āu e makemake ai a ʻaʻole naʻe e kaomi ana, hiki iā ʻoe ke haki ka ʻike ʻana ua hoʻāʻo ʻoe."

ʻIke mākou i kāu mea e noʻonoʻo nei: maʻalahi ka ʻōlelo ma mua o ka hana. Eia kekahi mau hae ʻulaʻula nui ʻo ia ka manawa e hele ai i kāu mau ala ʻokoʻa:

1. ʻIke ʻoe i ka ʻeha hou aʻe ma mua o ka leʻaleʻa i ka launa. Ke kūleʻa mau nei nā mea, maʻalahi ka manaʻo ʻole, huhū, a me ka huhū. "Ma ka hopena, e pau ka pili e waiho ana iā ʻoe e huhū iā ʻoe iho a me kāu hoa a i ʻole ʻelua paha i hiki ke alakaʻi i ke kaumaha," wahi a Brateman. "ʻO ka manaʻo paʻa he mea hoʻonāukiuki a hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka hoʻokō pilikino."

2. Ke nalowale nei ʻoe i kou ʻike i ke kaʻina. ʻAe, ʻo ʻoe ka hale kukui. ʻO ke ʻano: E like me ka hale kukui e kū hoʻokahi ana i waenakonu o ke kai kūʻono, ʻo ʻoe wale nō ka mea e hoʻomālamalama mau i ka noe. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻano kūlohelohe paha kēia inā ʻoe e noʻonoʻo iā ʻoe iho he mea hāʻawi. Eia naʻe, inā ʻaʻole ʻoe ma ka loaʻa ʻana o ke kākoʻo naʻau, ulu ʻoe i ka huhū i kāu hoa. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi, e hoʻomaka ʻoe e lilo i ka ʻike paʻa i nā mea āu e makemake ai a pono mai ka pilina.

3. ʻAʻole kūlike kāu mau waiwai a me kou mau pono.ʻO kou mau manaʻo e pili ana i ka moekolohe, ka hoʻomana, nā politika, a me nā keiki he mea nui. ʻOiai paha kekahi mau mea āu e ʻoluʻolu ai e hoʻohina, he mea nui e loiloi i ke kaupaona o kāu mau hoʻoholo. "He mea weliweli ka hoʻopili ʻana i kāu mau waiwai a i ʻole nā ​​loina i kou olakino," wahi a Brateman.

4. ʻO ʻoenoho ʻana no ka mea ʻaʻole ʻoemakemake e kaʻawale. Pono ʻoe e ola i kou ola maikaʻi loa, me kahi hoa e hoʻohālikelike iā ʻoe e like me ka mana maikaʻi loa o ʻoe iho. ʻAe, ʻoluʻolu ka launa ʻana, akā ʻoi aku ka waiwai o kēlā pilina ke pili ia me kahi mea e kū ʻole i kāu mau pono akā e ʻike ʻoe i ke ʻano maoli. Eia kekahi, aia nā pono olakino i ka noho hoʻokahi.

Pehea e (ʻOiaʻiʻo) hoʻopau iā ia

No laila ua ʻae ʻoe i nā ʻoiaʻiʻo: ʻO ka manawa kēia e haʻalele ai i kēia pilina ʻona. ʻO kāu ʻāpana aʻe e ʻoki maoli nei i nā pili a ʻae iā ʻoe iho e haʻalele i ke ala maʻalahi loa e hiki ai. (Ke ʻimi nei i kahi ala e puhi ai i ka mahu? Heluhelu i nā kumu he 10 no ke aha e ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kou pilina me ka hale haʻuki ma mua o ke kanaka.)

1. Mai hoʻokau i ka hewa. ʻO ka hoʻokomo ʻana i ke koʻikoʻi ma luna o kekahi kanaka me nā mea ʻē aʻe e maʻalahi i nā mea i ka wā mua no kou psyche. Akā ʻo ka hope, ʻaʻohe mea nona ka "hewa", e pani mau ana ka mokuna. Ke pili pili paikikala nei ʻoe no kekahi manawa, ʻo ka ʻāpana nui ka hoʻopau maʻalahi ʻana iā ia, ʻaʻole hāʻawi i ka hewa. "E haki me ka pololei a me ka lokomaikaʻi," wahi a Brateman. "E hoʻomākaukau kēia i ke ala no ka haunaele liʻiliʻi o ka naʻau a me ke kaumaha. Hoʻomaopopo ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike āpau i ka mea i hewa. E ʻae i kāu mea e ʻike ai a aʻo mai i ka ʻike. Lawe i ka mea hiki, a neʻe i mua."

2. E nānā i nā hoaaloha no ke kōkua. ʻO mākou ka pōhaku ke hele nei kahi galpal me kāna kāne o kēia manawa. E like me ka mea nui o ka hoa aloha e kamaʻilio pū ai i nā manawa paʻakikī (a me ka puna i loko o ka pint o Ben & Jerry's)

"E noi aku i kahi hoa aloha a lālā ʻohana paha e kōkua iā ʻoe e noho kaʻawale mai kahi pilina i manaʻo ʻole olakino a maikaʻi ʻole paha," wahi a Syrtash. "Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hilinaʻi iā ʻoe iho, e noi aku i kahi mea āu e hilinaʻi ai e kōkua iā ʻoe e noho kuleana. Hiki i kēia kanaka ke hoʻomanaʻo iā ʻoe i nā mea e ʻole ke hana ke hoʻowalewale ʻia ʻoe e hoʻāʻo hou. ʻO ka mea hope loa, makemake kāu poʻe aloha e ʻike iā ʻoe hauʻoli a hana lākou He aha ka mea e kōkua ai iā ʻoe e hiki ma laila. "

3. ʻokiʻoki i nā pili kaiāulu āpau. ʻO ia ka manaʻo, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, LinkedIn ... lākou āpau. He paʻakikī e ʻike i ka pili o kāu ex, ʻoiai ma hope o ka maikaʻi o ka haʻihaʻi.

Nānā no