Ua kapa ʻia kāu mau hoa kāne e haʻalele: he aha kēia?

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I ka makahiki i hala, ua ʻano hemolele kā Abbe Wright hoa hui. ʻO ka 28 makahiki mai Brooklyn ka mea nui i hui pū me kāna mau hoaaloha maikaʻi loa mai ke kula kiʻekiʻe, ʻo Sarah lāua ʻo Brittany, a me kā lāua mau hoaaloha, ʻo Peter lāua ʻo Patrick, ʻo ia hoʻi - he ʻelima liʻiliʻi maikaʻi. Akā i ka pau ʻana o ka makahiki, ua haʻalele ʻo Brittany lāua ʻo Patrick-a hoʻomaka ka haunaele.

"He mea weliweli ia," i hoʻomanaʻo ai ʻo Abbe, nāna i wehewehe i ka hopena o ka haʻihaʻi ʻana i hana ʻia i ʻelua mau manawa. "Ua manaʻo ʻo Brittany e loaʻa iā māua me Sarah ka pāʻālua kaikamahine a ʻaʻole e ʻike iā Patrick, ma mua mau. Akā pili loa māua me Patrick, maopopo leʻa, no laila ua paʻa mākou. A laila ua hoʻomaka ʻo Brittany e noi i nā nuggets liʻiliʻi o ka ʻike e pili ana i kona ola aloha e hoʻoponopono ʻia. Ua lilo ia, 'Mai haʻi iā Patrick ua piha wau i ka blank.' Ua luhi ke kūlana holoʻokoʻa a kaumaha loa, "wahi a Abbe.

Wahi a ka poʻe akamai, ʻo ka pili ʻana i ka hoʻoikaika pūʻulu ma hope o ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana o kahi hoaaloha he kūlana pilikanaka e piʻi nui ana ma muli o ka moʻomeheu hookup o kēia mau lā. "ʻO ka mea e ulu nei ka nui o ka poʻe e kau aku nei i nā hui nui a pili aloha i loko o ka hui no ka mea he mea maʻamau ka pilina ʻana i kēia manawa," e wehewehe ana ʻo Carlin Flora, he loea hoaaloha a mea kākau o Friendfluence: ʻO nā ala kamahaʻo e hana ai kā mākou mau hoaaloha iā mākou ʻo wai mākou. Maʻaneʻi, ʻo nā hanana maʻamau ma hope o kahoaloha-breakup-ʻekolu a pehea e hana ai me kēlā me kēia.

Manaʻo # 1: Manaʻo ʻoe i ke kaomi e lawe i nā ʻaoʻao

ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e komo i kahi hakakā mālama hoaloha e kākoʻo i nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua-ʻo kāu hana wale nō ke kamaʻilio. ʻO ke kī ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo a me ka mahalo, a ʻaʻole hoʻi e holo malū. "Maikaʻi paha, hiki paha iā ʻoe ke hoʻoikaika liʻiliʻi i kekahi ʻaoʻao ma mua o kekahi, a maikaʻi kēlā. e kamaʻilio pū me Mark i kekahi manawa. Akā, he pilina maikaʻi koʻu me ia a makemake wau e hoʻomau - manaʻo wau e ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole kēia e lawe i kaʻu kākoʻo iā ʻoe, "wahi a Andrea Bonior, he kauka psychologist a me ka mea kākau o Hoʻoponopono ka Hoaloha. ʻEha iki paha kāu hoaaloha i ka manawa mua ("ʻAʻole hiki iāʻu ke manaʻoʻiʻo ke kau nei ʻo ia me kuʻu ex!"), Akā ʻo ka hopena, ua hoʻokumu ʻia kēlā mau manaʻo i loko o ka ʻeha haki huikau - a e ʻike kou pal i ka manawa i puka mai ai ʻo ia mai ke alawai hoʻokaʻawale.

Manaʻo # 2: Makemake ʻoe e noho ma waho o ka Neg negatives

ʻO ka manawa pinepine, i ka wā o ka haʻihaʻi, e haʻi aku nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua e pili ana i kekahi. He nui. A hiki i kēia ke hana i kahi ʻano, um, kahi ahi i hoʻopau ʻia. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, hiki i ka vibe ʻona ke ikaika loa i hiki iā ʻoe ke makemake e holo ma lalo o kahi puʻu a hūnā ma mua o ke kākoʻo ʻana i kāu mau ʻōpuʻu. ʻO ia ka mea i hana ʻia iā Alison, he 33 makahiki ona mai Manhattan mai. "I loko o koʻu puʻuwai o koʻu puʻuwai, makemake wau e noho ma laila no lāua ʻelua, akā ikaika ia e makemake pū wau e hoʻopaʻa a ʻaʻole hana iki," ʻae ʻo ia. ʻO ka ʻōlelo aʻo maikaʻi loa? Mai hōʻalo i kāu mau hoaaloha-makemake lākou iā ʻoe ma mua o ka wā ma mua. E noho kūleʻa wale i ka hāʻawi ʻana e hoʻolohe. "E ʻōlelo, 'Maʻaneʻi wau nou, a loaʻa iaʻu he mea kōkua ia e hāwanawana. Akā manaʻo wau e lilo ia i mea kōkua nui loa inā wau e hoʻolohe wale ana," wahi a Bonior. ʻO nā manawa kūpono, e hauʻoli like lākou me ka hoʻohana ʻana iā ʻoe ma ke ʻano he papa kani. ʻO kēia ala, ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻopilikia i kou aloha me kekahi kanaka-a ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka mālama ʻana i nā pilina ʻelua i ka manawa.

Scenario # 3: ʻO kāu mau hoaaloha me nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua e hopohopo ʻole

Ke hoʻokaʻawale ʻelua o kāu mau hoaaloha pili loa, e ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho e pili ana i nā hopena ʻaoʻao i manaʻo ʻole ʻia, e like me ka mea leka uila āpau. He aha ka mea i lilo i "wikiwiki" wikiwiki a maʻalahi hoʻi i kēia manawa: "ʻO wai wau e hoʻopili ai ma ka papa inoa?" ʻOiai ua ʻike ʻoe e hele ana lākou i loko o ka ʻeha nui, hiki i kekahi hapa o ʻoukou ke huhū iā lākou no ka hoʻopau ʻana i kahi au no nā mea a pau, wahi a Flora. Akā no ka like ʻole o nā mea, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo ʻaʻole maikaʻi. ʻO kāu keu pono ʻo ka hāʻawi manawa; E hoʻopaʻa i nā hana hui a hiki i ka manawa e ho'ōla ai a hoʻoholo pehea e mālama ai i ka hoʻonohonoho hou. "ʻAʻole hiki ke hoʻokumu i ka mea maʻamau hou i ka pō. Hiki paha i kou mau hoaaloha ke kaumaha a kaumaha paha i ka launa pū ʻana-ʻoiai hoʻokahi wale nō-e like me kā lākou ma mua," wahi a Bonior. E ahonui, a i ka hala ʻana o ka manawa, ʻike ʻoe i ka mea a lākou e pono ai. I ko Abbe hihia, ua hoʻomaka ʻo Brittany i ka launa pū ʻana me kahi kāne hou, a ke lawe nei ʻo ia iā ia i kahi hang hang-ʻoiai me Patrick ma laila. "ʻOiaʻiʻo he mea ʻino iki, akā ke hoʻāʻo nei nā mea a pau e lilo i kanaka makua. ʻOliʻoli wale wau i hiki iā mākou ke hui hou aku. hana ikaika," wahi āna.

*Ua hoʻololi ʻia nā inoa o nā hoaaloha o Abbe no nā kumu pilikino.

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