Ke hoʻokau nei nā wahine i nā pōkā Glitter i kā lākou Vaginas

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ʻAʻohe hewa i ka hoʻohui ʻana i kahi anuenue liʻiliʻi ʻo Lisa Frank-style a me ka ʻālohilohi i kou ola. Inā hele mai ia ma ke ʻano o ka toast, ka frappuccino, a i ʻole nā ​​noodles unicorn, ʻaʻohe hilahila i ka lele ʻana ma luna o ka bandwagon unicorn-ma hope o nā mea a pau, inā ʻaʻole hiki i ka technicolor pixie lepo ke hoʻomake iā ʻoe, he aha ka mea?

Akā inā ʻoe e haʻohaʻo ana i kahi e hele ai kēia ʻano, ua kūleʻa mākou i ka climax-literal. Ke kūʻai aku nei kahi hui i kapa ʻia ʻo Pretty Woman Inc. ʻO kāna kumu? E hāʻawi iā ʻoe i kahi "orgasm sparkly, flavored." (No ka mea, ʻaʻole lawa ka maikaʻi o ka orgasms maʻamau e like me ia.) E like me nā unicorn āpau i hoʻonani i nā interwebs i ka makahiki i hala, ua paʻa koke ia, kūʻai koke aku ma ka pūnaewele o ka hui.

ʻO ka Passion Dust "he capsule sparkalized i hoʻokomo ʻia i loko o ka wahine ma kahi o hoʻokahi hola ma mua o ka hana ʻana i ka moe. i loko o ka capsule, "e like me ka pūnaewele.

ʻOiaʻiʻo, he leʻaleʻa ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi hookup e pili ana i ka Milky Way Galaxy, akā ʻo ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana i kahi paila ʻālohilohi i luna ma laila me he mea lā. E nīnau i kekahi kauka, a ua hōʻoia ʻia lākou e hōʻoia i kou hopohopo: "Hiki i nā kino ʻē i loko o ka ʻōpū ke hoʻopau i kona pH a hiki ke alakaʻi i ka vaginitis a i ʻole nā ​​​​maʻi ʻē aʻe," wahi a Angela Jones, MD, he ob-gyn i hōʻoia ʻia e ka papa. , e like me kā mākou i hōʻike ai i kā mākou moʻolelo e pili ana i kahi palekana o nā hua jade e waiho i loko o kāu ʻōpala. (Spoiler alert: ʻaʻole lākou.)

Ke koi nei ka hui ma hope o Passion Dust, ʻaʻohe mea ʻawaʻawa a me ka poepoe o kā lākou mau ʻālohilohi a me nā pauka makamae (ma mua o ka hexagonal), e hōʻemi ana i ka hopena o ka huhū mai nā kihi ʻoi. Hoʻopili nā mea i loko me nā capsule gelatin, starch-based edible glitter, acacia (gum arabic) paukū, Zea Mays starchate, a me nā stearate mea kanu.

"He ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o nā glitters, nā mea kemika, a me nā mea hoʻohui i ka lehelehe āu e ʻaʻahu ai a i ʻole ka mea koʻikoʻi ma kou alo a i ʻole ka eyeshadow ma mua o ka mea i loko o kēia huahana," e like me ka pūnaewele Passion Dust. Ke hoʻopaʻapaʻa nei lākou ua hanu ʻoe a ʻai paha i nā mea ʻālohilohi a me nā mea kemika me ka ʻole o ka maʻi ʻana, a ʻaʻohe mea e komo i loko o ka vagina he 100 pakeneka palekana - mai nā tampons, douche, pauka, a me nā mea ʻala i nā mea pāʻani, lubes, lotion, aila, a ʻoiai nā kui kuʻi a me nā manamana lima. Wahi a ka pūnaewele, "Inā loaʻa iā ʻoe nā pilikia vaginal i loaʻa iā ʻoe ma mua o kou hoʻohana ʻana i ka Passion Dust ... ʻO ka mea ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻohe mea e komo i laila a inā loaʻa, pono ʻoe e hoʻohana i kou manaʻo ponoʻī i ka wā e hoʻoholo ai i ka mea. ia mau mea."

Eia nō naʻe, no ka mea ʻaʻole pili kekahi mau mea i kou kino i nā wahi ʻē aʻe ʻaʻole ia he palekana no kāu ʻōpū: ʻo kahi laʻana, maikaʻi nā hua a me nā mea ʻai no ka hele ʻana i loko o kou ʻōpū akā he manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole ke hele ma kahi kokoke. ʻāpana o kāu wahine. ʻO nā huahana kūlohelohe i holoi ʻia maʻemaʻe ke lawe mau nei i ka bacteria, hoʻokomo i nā microbes i kou mau genital a hoʻonāukiuki i ke koena maʻamau o ka maʻi bacteria i loko o ka ʻōpū, hiki ke hoʻoulu i kahi maʻi, e like me ka ʻōlelo a Mary Jane Minkin, MD, ke kaukaʻi o ka ob-gyn ma Yale School. o ka lāʻau lapaʻau, e like me kā mākou i hōʻike ai ma 10 mau mea pono ʻole e hoʻokokoke i kāu puʻukū.

Ma waho aʻe o ka pilikia o ke olakino, e noʻonoʻo kākou i ke kumu i hana ʻia ai kēia mau capsule ʻālohilohi i ka mua: e hoʻohuli i kāu mau ʻāpana wahine i mea pohihihi, waho o kēia honua. ʻO ka mea kikoʻī, wehewehe ka pūnaewele "ʻono ka ʻono e like me ka candy akā ʻaʻole i ʻono loa, lawa wale nō e hoʻomaopopo ai i kāu mea aloha ʻo kāu Yara (ka wahine-wai a i ʻole ka pepeke liʻiliʻi) ʻo ia ka mea i manaʻo ʻia e nānā, manaʻo a ʻono ʻia nā vaginas āpau; palupalu, ʻono a kupua hoʻi! "

ʻAe, kala mai iaʻu, akā i ka manawa hope aʻu i nānā ai, he kupua nā *all* ʻoiai inā he palupalu a ʻono paha a ʻālohilohi paha a ʻaʻole paha. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua o ka hoʻokalakupua ʻana i nā aliʻi fairytale a i ʻole hoʻouna ʻana i nā mammals liʻiliʻi i ke mele - hānau lākou i ke ola kanaka weliweli.

A, ʻoiai, ʻo ka manawa hope loa āu i ʻike ai i kahi huahana i kūʻai ʻia aku i nā dudes e hoʻohiki ana e hoʻohihi hou i kā lākou genital? (Dick disco balls? Suppositories to make semen taste like cupcakes?)

ʻAʻole loa? ʻAe, manaʻo pēlā. ʻO ka manawa kēia e hoʻoholo ai ke ao nei e aloha a mahalo i kā mākou "mau peʻapeʻa liʻiliʻi" hanohano no nā mea kupanaha maoli ʻaʻole pono lākou.

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