Eia ke kumu e leka ai kāu mau ex iā ʻoe ma Quarantine

Anter

• Inā loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi kikokikona i manaʻo ʻole ʻia mai kahi ex:
• E kuhi pehea kou manaʻo e pili ana i ke kūlana.
• Loiloi i kā lākou manaʻo.
• E pane kūpono (a ʻaʻole paha).
• Mai hoʻoholo i nā hoʻoholo nui i kēia manawa.
• I kēia manawa, inā oe hoʻouna i kahi huaʻōlelo kuikawa i kahi ex:
• Noi i ka ʻae.
• E hoʻomaopopo i kāu mau manaʻo e like me ka hiki ke loaʻa.
• ʻAe e loaʻa ʻole kāu pane.
• Mai hana i kekahi poino mau.
• Nānā no

He paʻakikī ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana. Inā ʻoe e noho a ke kū hoʻokahi nei ʻoe i kēia manawa, a i ʻole nānā wale ʻoe i ka helehelena o ke hoa noho (ʻoiai ʻo kou makuahine) i kēlā me kēia lā, hiki ke ʻike ʻia ka mehameha. E like me ka hapa nui o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, ua maʻa paha ʻoe i ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i kāu pilikanaka mai ka hele ʻana i waho me kāu mau hoaaloha a me ka launa pū ʻana me kāu poʻe hana. Akā i ka pō, ua lawe koke ʻia kēlā. Hiki i kēia ke alakaʻi i ka nui o nā manaʻo ʻoluʻolu ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke haʻalele maʻalahi. No laila, no ka maikaʻi a i ʻole ka hewa, no kekahi, ʻo ka manaʻo mua e ʻimi i kahi ala e pakele ai iā lākou.

"Ke manaʻo nei au i kēia manawa, pono ka poʻe i ka mea maʻamau, ʻo ia ke kumu e hoʻomaka ai lākou e hoʻi i nā hana maikaʻi ʻole a lākou i neʻe aku ai i mua o ka maʻi maʻi, ʻo ia ka puhi ʻana, ka inu ʻana, ka ʻai ʻana, a i ʻole ka hoʻi ʻana i kahi kahiko. ka pilina, "wahi a psychotherapist Matt Lundquist. "Ke ʻike nei wau i ka nui o ka poʻe e loaʻa ana nā leka mai ka ex a hiki i nā ex, ʻoiai no ka nui o ka pili o ka pilina i kēia manawa, a no laila aia ka ʻiʻina no kēlā. Nui a mākou ka manawa e wanaʻao ʻo kāu hoapili hou loa no kekahi ʻano like o ka hoʻōla hiki ke hana pinepine ʻia. "

ʻO ka manawa kūpono, inā ʻoe e heluhelu ana i kēia, ua ʻino paha ʻoe i kahi huaʻōlelo (a i ʻole DM a i ʻole — gasp! — Kāhea) mai kahi ex mai ka hoʻomaka ʻana o ka maʻi ahulau. Malia paha ʻo ʻoe ka mea e hiki ke kō aku. Inā he ʻoiaʻiʻo ka mea mua, ʻaʻohe ou manaʻo i ka mea e hana ai e pili ana i ia, no ke aha e hana nei, a i ʻole ke ʻano o ia mea āpau. A inā ʻo ia ka mea hope, mai hopohopo (no ke aha mākou i noʻonoʻo ʻole ai pehea e wehe ai i nā memo ma nā kelepona i kēia manawa?!). Minamina paha ʻoe, hopohopo paha i ka pane ʻana, a i ʻole manaʻolana paha i ka hopena - ma ke ʻano he maikaʻi.

Eia ka mea hiki iā ʻoe ke hana inā pili ʻoe i nā kikokikona mai kahi ex (a ʻaʻole maopopo i ka mea e hana ai i kēia manawa ua hoʻomaka ʻoe i kahi convo).

Inā loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi kikokikona i manaʻo ʻole ʻia mai kahi ex:

E kuhi pehea kou manaʻo e pili ana i ke kūlana.

Nui nā ʻano ʻē aʻe — ka mea i pakele, ka hoa ʻona ʻona āu e makemake ʻole ai e lohe hou, kēlā kanaka ma ke koleke ua poina ʻoe iā ʻoe e pili ana i ka lā — a no laila, ke hoʻowalewale nei ka hoʻolohe ʻana mai kahi ex i kahi ala kū hoʻokahi i kēlā pilina.

"ʻOiai inā he mau manaʻo kahiko kou no kekahi, i nā manawa he nui, ua pau nā pilina ma ke kumu," wahi a Lundquist. "ʻAʻole ʻoe makemake e hāʻule i loko o nā lauana kahiko. Akā i kekahi manawa ke pau ka manaʻo, hiki iā ʻoe ke mālama i kahi aloha, a i ʻole he ʻoiaʻiʻo ke ʻano ʻē aʻe - hiki iā ʻoe ke loiloi hou i ka mea i hewa ai ka pilina a loaʻa ka manawa kūpono e hana ia mai."

ʻO ke ala wale nō e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo i nā hanana i pili i ka ex āu i lohe ai, e nānā i ka hoʻolohe ʻana mai kēia kanaka iā ʻoe. Ua huhū ʻoe? Nostalgic? Hauʻoli? Ma mua o kou hoʻāʻo ʻana e noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ka manaʻo o ke kanaka ma kēlā ʻaoʻao o kēlā kelepona, e noʻonoʻo i ka mea āu e makemake ai e puka i waho o kēia kamaʻilio. Unuhi: E noʻonoʻo ma mua o kou paʻi ʻana. Hoʻomanaʻo ʻaʻohe unsendend.

Loiloi i kā lākou manaʻo.

Ke ʻike ʻoe pehea oe manaʻo, he mea nui e ʻike i kahi e hele mai ai kahi kanaka ʻē aʻe — ma hope o nā mea āpau, no ka mea ua neʻe mua ʻoe, no ka laʻana, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo no lākou. "He minamina maoli paha ia e hoʻokele nei i ka launa ʻana, a i ʻole ʻo ia ka mehameha, ka huhū, a i ʻole nā ​​helu ʻē aʻe ʻē aʻe," wahi a Lundquist.

ʻIke ʻoe i kou pilina maikaʻi loa: Inā ʻike ʻoe i ka ʻeha e hōʻeha paha kēia kanaka iā ʻoe (ʻoiai inā hana hewa ʻole lākou), maikaʻi e hemo i kāu mau mea i manaʻo ai mai ka pilina a alo i kēlā kūlana. ʻO kahi ʻē aʻe, inā manaʻo ʻoe e mālama kēia kanaka i kou olakino inā ʻoe pū a ʻaʻole paha, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaka e ʻimi i kahi pilina aloha a i ʻole, ʻae, ʻo ka hoʻi hou ʻana.

E pane kūpono (a ʻaʻole paha).

ʻO ka mea mua, ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e launa pū me kekahi no ka mea wale nō lākou e hele aku ai. ʻAʻole kēia manaʻo e hoʻomake i kā lākou "Pehea ka mālama ʻana o ke ola quarantine iā ʻoe?" kākau ʻōlelo, eia nō naʻe.

"ʻO ke kamaʻilio pinepine ka ala maʻalahi e hoʻoponopono ai i nā mea, akā ʻo ia ka mea hana hoʻohaʻahaʻa nui ʻia i nā pilina, a i ʻole nā ​​pili kūpono paha," i ʻōlelo ʻia e ka loea pilina ʻo Susan Winter. "Inā hoʻonāukiuki kēia kanaka iā ʻoe a ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake e kamaʻilio pū me lākou, ʻo kēia ka manawa kūpono loa e hoʻopono!" wahi a Winter. "Hiki iā ʻoe ke wehewehe ua hōʻeha lākou iā ʻoe a ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake e ʻōlelo hou iā lākou." ʻO ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, "inā he ex kūlike ʻole ia, e kūloko a hoʻopau i ke kamaʻilio ʻana a inā he mea āu e makemake ai e hoʻāla hou i kahi pilina me ʻoe, e hele lohi a e ʻoluʻolu." He mea koʻikoʻi ka hele lohi a me ka mālama ʻana i nā manaʻolana post-quarantine, e like me kāu e ʻike ai ma lalo nei...

Mai hoʻoholo i nā hoʻoholo nui i kēia manawa.

"Ma muli o ka piʻi ʻana o nā manaʻo i kēia manawa, ʻo ka mea āu e makemake ai i ka waena o ka maʻi maʻi ʻaʻole ia ka mea āu e makemake ai ma hope o ka maʻi maʻi," wahi a psychotherapist J. Ryan Fuller, Ph.D. "Ke hana nei kekahi mea i kēia manawa ʻo ia ka manaʻo i loko o ka psychology i kapa ʻia ʻo selective abstraction, kahi āu e noʻonoʻo nui ai i ka maikaʻi a i ʻole ka maikaʻi ʻole o kahi kūlana ke pilikia ʻoe - a ʻo ia nō ka maʻi maʻi COVID-19."

ʻO kēia ke manaʻo nei ʻoe e pili ana i kāu ex, hiki iā ʻoe ke hōʻeha nui iā lākou a i ʻole nostalgic paha e pili ana iā lākou no kāu pono ponoʻī, hilinaʻi ia i kou ʻano. He ʻokoʻa ʻokoʻa paha kēia mai kou manaʻo ma hope o ka pilikia, no laila ke ʻoki nei i ka hoʻoholo ʻana i nā hoʻoholo wikiwiki.

I kēia manawa, inā oe hoʻouna i kahi huaʻōlelo kuikawa i kahi ex:

Noi i ka ʻae.

"Manaʻo wau ʻo ka mea ʻoi loa e maopopo ai ke hoʻouna ʻoe i kahi leka i kahi ex mai ka polū, keu hoʻi inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e launa lōʻihi ana, ke wehe nei ʻoe i hoʻokahi tone o nā manaʻo" no nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua. wehewehe ʻo Lundquist. Eia hou, ma kēia pae, ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike i ka manaʻo o ka lohe ʻana mai iā ʻoe. "E kuhi hewa paha wau ma ka ʻaoʻao o ka makaʻala inā loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi pane, e nīnau ana inā maikaʻi lākou e pili ana."

Pono ke kaumaha o ka naʻau ma luna o ke kanaka e hoʻopā aku ana (ʻo ʻoe nō ia, e ke kaikamahine), ma mua o ka mea ʻoluʻolu ʻole e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka hōʻoluʻolu ʻana i ka pilina hou ʻana. Inā kū pololei ʻoe e nīnau inā ʻoluʻolu lākou me ia, hāʻawi kēia iā lākou i ka manawa kūpono e ʻōlelo a ʻae me ka hana ʻole ʻana i nā mea a huki ʻia paha. (Pili: Pehea e lawelawe ai i kahi haʻihaʻi i ka wā o ka Quarantine Coronavirus, e like me nā Pros Pono)

E hoʻomaopopo i kāu mau manaʻo e like me ka hiki ke loaʻa.

"He mea ʻole inā he huaʻōlelo" check-up-on-you "e alakaʻi aku ai i kahi kamaʻilio lōʻihi a i ʻole kahi huaʻōlelo i kikoʻī ʻia e hoʻi hou, pono ʻoe e hoʻāʻo e wehewehe i kou ʻano ke hiki koke," wahi a Lundquist . ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e hoʻouna i kahi ʻōlelo kekelē ma mua o kā lākou pane ʻana e nīnau ana "No laila, makemake e hui pū a he aha paha?" akā, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka ʻike, ʻo ia ka mea e hoʻoikaika ai. Makemake paha ʻoe e maʻalahi i ka wā mua e hoʻāʻo i ka wai, maikaʻi ia, akā inā hoʻomaka ʻoe e hoʻomohala hou i nā manaʻo a makemake ʻoe e hāʻawi i kahi manawa a i ʻole ua pau maoli ʻoe, ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e alakaʻi i ka mea ʻē aʻe inā hiki iā ʻoe ke kōkua. ia." ʻAe, ʻoiai hiki ke mehameha ka quarantine.

ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hōʻike ʻana i kou mau manaʻo a me ka hoʻoholo ʻana pehea e hana ai ma hope aku ma mua o nā mahina o ka maopopo ʻole a me ka ʻimi noiʻi - ke kumu wale nei ka hopohopo. A e maoli kākou: ʻAʻohe mea e pono hou aʻe i kēlā i ka wā o ke ahulau olakino honua.

ʻAe e loaʻa ʻole kāu pane.

"Ke hiki aku ʻoe i kekahi mea āu e pili pū ai me ka naʻau a ʻeha mau lākou a ua neʻe paha i ko lākou ola, hiki iā ʻoe ke hana ʻoluʻolu ʻole iā lākou," wahi a Winter. "He mea kēlā e pono ai ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo. Pane paha lākou me ka manaʻo ʻaʻole paha."

Inā kū kēlā, ʻōlelo ʻo Winter e ʻae wale ʻoe i ko lākou mau manaʻo (a i ʻole ko lākou manaʻo inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻolohe hou) a neʻe i mua. ʻOiai, no ka laʻana, ua loli paha ʻoe a ke lana nei ka manaʻo no ka hoʻōla, i kekahi manawa ʻaʻole pono ia e lilo a i ʻole makemake lākou i manawa hou e noʻonoʻo ai pehea e pane ai. E ʻike wale inā ʻaʻole loaʻa iā ʻoe ka pane āu i manaʻo ai (a ʻaʻole loa) ʻo ka mea maikaʻi loa āu e hana ai ʻo ka hoʻāʻo e ʻae. "E hauʻoli ana kekahi me ʻoe, a ʻo kaʻoiaʻiʻo, makemake ʻoe e noho pū me kahi mea makemake e lohe mai iā ʻoe," wahi a Winter.

Mai hana i kekahi poino mau.

Lana ka manaʻolana, i kēia manawa ʻike ʻoe he ʻokoʻa loa kāu mau pono ma mua, i ka wā, a ma hope o ka maʻi maʻi, a ʻo ka hoʻopili ʻana i kāu ex i manaʻo paha he mea kūpono ia e hana ai i kekahi mau pule i hala aku nei, akā i kēia manawa ʻaʻole ʻoe pēlā. ʻoiaʻiʻo. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻōlelo ʻo Fuller i ka manawa o ke kākau leka ʻana, ke nānā nui nei paha ʻoe i nā manawa maikaʻi o kou pili kahiko - e hoʻomaʻamaʻa iā ʻoe, i kahi mea abstraction koho. Hoʻohui, hiki iā lākou ke lawelawe ma ke ʻano he pakele mai ka maopopo ʻole e hana nei i kēia manawa.

"Ua luhi paha ʻoe i kāu ʻoiaʻiʻo o kēia manawa, a inā he hoa kāu, ke hoʻolōʻihi nei i ka manawa me lākou e hoʻomaka nei i kou aʻa," i ʻōlelo ʻo ia. "No laila ke nānā nei ʻoe i ka maikaʻi i loko o kahi hui mua, akā ʻo ka mea hope āu e makemake ai e hana i kahi pilikia e hoʻohuli i kāu mau hoʻoholo hoʻoholo maʻamau." Ke kali nei e hoʻoholo i kēlā mau hoʻoholo a hiki i kou ʻike ʻana i kekahi i kekahi (a i ʻole hoʻoholo i kahi ʻē aʻe) ma hope o ka pilikia e kōkua iā ʻoe e hana i kahi koho āu e mihi ʻole ai ma hope.

Nānā no