Bombing aloha: 10 mau hōʻailona o ke aloha kiʻekiʻe loa

Anter

• Hoʻonui lākou iā ʻoe me nā makana
• ʻAʻole hiki iā lākou ke hooki i ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana iā ʻoe
• Hoʻopili lākou iā ʻoe me nā kelepona a me nā leka
• Makemake lākou i kou nānā pono ʻole
• Hoaʻo lākou e hōʻoia iā ʻoe he poʻe ʻuhane ʻoe
• Makemake lākou i ke kūpaʻa a makemake lākou i kēia manawa
• Huhū lākou ke kau ʻoe i nā palena
• Ua nele loa lākou
• Hoʻopau ʻia ʻoe e ko lākou ikaika
• Manaʻo ʻoe ʻaʻole kaulike
• Ke laina lalo

Ke hui mua ʻoe me kekahi, ke kahili ʻia i kou mau wāwae hiki ke ʻoluʻolu a pīhoihoi hoʻi. ʻO ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana o kekahi iā ʻoe me ke aloha a me ka mahalo ka mea e pīhoihoi ai ke hele ʻoe i nā hoʻomaka o kahi pilina hou.

ʻO ke aloha pōkā pahū, eia naʻe he moʻolelo ʻē aʻe. Kūleʻa ia i ka wā e hoʻokahuli ai kekahi iā ʻoe me nā huaʻōlelo aloha, nā hana, a me ke ʻano me ke ʻano he manipulate.

"Hoʻohana pinepine ʻia e lanakila ma luna o kou hilinaʻi a me kou aloha i hiki ai iā lākou ke hoʻokō i kahi pahuhopu o kā lākou," e wehewehe ana ʻo Shirin Peykar, MA, kahi male laikini a me ka hoʻoponopono ʻohana.

Eia kahi hiʻohiʻona o nā hōʻailona pōkā aloha aloha. Inā ʻoe e ʻike i kekahi o kēia mau mea, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo he mea ʻawaʻawa kāu hoa, akā e hoʻolohe i kāu intuition inā ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka mea e hoʻāʻo nei e woo iā ʻoe.

Hoʻonui lākou iā ʻoe me nā makana

Hoʻokomo pinepine ke aloha i ka pōkā pahū i nā ʻōnaehana ʻoi loa, e like me ka hoʻouna ʻana iā ʻoe i nā makana kūpono ʻole i kāu hana (he mau puaʻaina ma kahi o hoʻokahi, no ka laʻana) a i ʻole ke kūʻai ʻana i nā tikika mokulele kiʻekiʻe no ka wā hoʻomaha, a me ka lawe ʻole ʻana i "no" no kahi pane.

Hiki ke hōʻeha ʻole kēia mau mea āpau, akā ʻo ke kuhi ke hoʻokalakupua iā ʻoe i ka noʻonoʻo ʻana he ʻaiʻē kāu iā lākou i kekahi mea.

"ʻO ka hapanui pinepine, hana ʻia kahi pōkā aloha e kahi narcissist me ka manaʻo e kiʻi i loko a loaʻa ka hoʻomalu ma luna o ka mea e aloha ʻia e pōkā ʻia," wahi a ke kākāʻōlelo laikini laikini ʻo Tabitha Westbrook, LMFT.

ʻAʻole hiki iā lākou ke hooki i ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana iā ʻoe

Makemake mākou āpau i ka mahalo, akā hiki i ka hoʻomaikaʻi mau ke hoʻohuli i kou poʻo. Inā kekahi e hōʻike nei i ko lākou aloha pau ʻole ma hope o ka manawa pōkole wale nō, he hae ʻulaʻula kūpono ia ʻaʻole maoli ko lākou mau manaʻo.

ʻO kekahi mau māmalaʻōlelo maʻamau a ʻoi paha e hoʻohana ai paha lākou:

• "Aloha au i nā mea āpau e pili ana iā ʻoe."
• "ʻAʻole au i launa me kekahi e like me ʻoe."
• "ʻO ʻoe wale nō ka mea aʻu e makemake ai e noho manawa."

I kā lākou iho, ʻaʻole pono kēia mau ʻōlelo i mea hōʻino, akā he mea nui e noʻonoʻo iā lākou i ka pōʻaiapili nui o ka nohona holoʻokoʻa o kekahi.

Hoʻopili lākou iā ʻoe me nā kelepona a me nā leka

Kāhea lākou, kikokiko, a leka iā ʻoe ma nā pāpili kaiapili 24/7. ʻOiai ke kamaʻilio mau ʻana ka mea maʻamau ke pili mua ʻoe, he hae ʻulaʻula inā manaʻo ka kamaʻilio me ka ʻaoʻao hoʻokahi a lilo i mea hoʻonui loa.

E hoʻomaopopo inā hoʻomaka lākou i ka leka ʻana iā ʻoe i ke kakahiaka a i kēlā me kēia hola i ka hola.

Makemake lākou i kou nānā pono ʻole

Ke pili ʻole kou manaʻo i ka mea ʻē aʻe, huhū paha lākou. Hiki i kēia ke nānā aku e like me ka pouting ke hele ʻoe ma ke kelepona me nā hoaaloha a hōʻole paha e haʻalele ma hope o kou ʻōlelo ʻana he pono ʻoe e hana ma ka lā mua.

"ʻAʻole makemake ke aloha maoli i kou manawa āpau a me kou ikaika i kau wale ʻia ma luna o lākou wale nō," wahi a Westbrook. "Hoʻohanohano lākou i nā hoʻohiki, manaʻo, a me nā palena ʻē aʻe."

Hoaʻo lākou e hōʻoia iā ʻoe he poʻe ʻuhane ʻoe

ʻO ka haʻi ʻana aku iā ʻoe ua moemoeā lākou ua haʻi mai ke Akua iā lāua ʻelua e male ʻolua he maʻa manipulate. Inā kū pololei ka mea a lākou i ʻōlelo ai mai kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻoni, e nānā, e kākau ʻo Westbrook. "Maikaʻi ʻo Hollywood no ka hoʻokipa, akā ʻaʻole like ke aloha maoli a me nā pilina i nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni."

ʻO kekahi mau mea ʻē aʻe a lākou e ʻōlelo ai.

• "Ua hānau ʻia mākou e noho pū."
• "ʻO ka hopena kēia a mākou i hui ai."
• "Maopopo iā ʻoe iaʻu ma mua o kekahi."
• "He ʻuhane mākou."

Makemake lākou i ke kūpaʻa a makemake lākou i kēia manawa

Hoʻomaʻamaʻa paha kahi poma aloha iā ʻoe i ka holo wikiwiki ʻana i nā mea a hana i nā hoʻolālā nui no ka wā e hiki mai ana. E haʻi lākou i nā mea e like me ka male a neʻe pū ʻana paha ke ʻike wale ʻoe i kekahi i kekahi manawa pōkole.

ʻO ka mea e noʻonoʻo ai, e like me kā Westbrook, ʻo ia nā pilina maoli i manawa e hoʻomohala ai. "He mea hiki ʻole paha ke aloha maoli ke kanaka iā ʻoe ma mua o nā mea āpau o ka honua i 2 mau pule. A i ʻole ʻelua mau lā. A i ʻole 2 mau hola. A i ʻole 2 mau mahina, "wehewehe ʻo ia.

Huhū lākou ke kau ʻoe i nā palena

Ke hoʻāʻo ʻoe e haʻi iā lākou e lohi, e hoʻomau lākou i ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e loaʻa iā lākou ka mea a lākou e makemake ai. ʻO kekahi e mālama pono, ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, e mahalo i kou mau makemake a hoʻi hope.

"Hoʻonāukiuki pū kekahi nā poʻe pōkā aloha e pili ana i nā palena e pili ana i ke kiʻi ʻana iā ʻoe a i ʻole ke ʻae ʻana i kā lākou hōʻike o ke" aloha, "wahi a Westbrook. "Ua like ia me ke kai eʻe o ke aloha a manaʻo lākou e ʻae ʻoe i nā mea āpau."

Ua nele loa lākou

No ka nui o ka manawa a me ke komo ʻana āu e hāʻawi ai iā lākou, ʻaʻole lawa ia. Akā e nīnau iā ʻoe iho: Ke hoʻopiʻi nei ʻoe i nā hoaaloha no ka mea ʻaʻole hiki iā lākou ke kū hoʻokahi? A i ʻole manaʻo ʻoe he kuleana e pane i kēlā me kēia huaʻōlelo no ka mea hāʻawi lākou iā ʻoe i kēlā iPhone pipiʻi?

E hoʻokau kekahi iā ʻoe i ka ʻaiʻē iā lākou i hiki iā lākou ke hilinaʻi iā ʻoe i ke ao a me ka pō.

Hoʻopau ʻia ʻoe e ko lākou ikaika

ʻAʻole lākou e hoʻohuli i ka leʻaleʻa a me he mea lā ke holo nei ma nā paukū āpau ke hui pū ʻoe me lākou. ʻAʻole ʻoe i ʻike i ka mea e kali ai mai kahi manawa a kahi aʻe a manaʻo ʻia e kaomi ʻia i ka ʻike ʻana iā lākou a puni ka uaki.

Aia nā aloha a kū i lalo i ke aloha kū kānāwai, akā, mahalo a ʻaʻole hoʻokahuli, wahi a Westbrook. "He ahonui, ʻoluʻolu, a akahai."

Manaʻo ʻoe ʻaʻole kaulike

Ke aloha aloha ʻia i ka pōkā ʻia hiki ke ʻona i ka wā mua, akā ʻoluʻolu ʻole paha ʻoe, ke kali nei i ka hāʻule ʻana o nā kāmaʻa ʻē aʻe.

E nānā i kēia mau manaʻo pīhoihoi, wahi a Westbrook. "He mea nui ia e hoʻopili ʻia i kāu intuition, no laila hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaopopo ʻia ma kahi o ka lawe ʻia ʻana e nā hana hoʻopā aloha."

Ke laina lalo

Inā ʻoe i nā wā mua o ka pilina a manaʻo nā mea āpau e like me ka hiki koke ʻana, e nānā me kāu ʻōpū. E hoʻomanaʻo: ʻO ka hāʻule ʻana i ke aloha e ʻono ʻia, ʻaʻole wikiwiki.

Inā hopohopo ʻoe i ka hele o kāu hoa i kahi ʻāina manipulative, e hoʻāʻo e kiʻi i kahi hoaaloha hilinaʻi, ʻohana ʻohana, a i ʻole ka mea lapaʻau olakino noʻonoʻo e hiki ke kōkua iā ʻoe e loiloi i kā lākou hana.

Hiki iā ʻoe ke nānā i nā kumuwaiwai ma lalo iho nei no ke alakaʻi hou ʻana i nā kaʻina e hiki mai ana.

• ʻO ke aloha ka mahalo he kōkua kōkua hōʻino lāhui lāhui e hāʻawi nei i ke kākoʻo a hāʻawi i ka ʻike e pili ana i nā pili olakino a me nā lawena.
• Hoʻokahi Ke Aloha kahi kahua e kōkua ana i ka hōʻoki ʻana i ka hōʻino pilina.

ʻO Cindy Lamothe kahi mea kākau moʻolelo kūʻokoʻa i hoʻokumu ʻia ma Guatemala. Kākau pinepine ʻo ia e pili ana i nā kuʻina waena o ke olakino, olakino, a me ka ʻepekema o ka hana kanaka. Ua kākau ʻia ʻo ia no The Atlantic, Magazine ma New York, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, a me nā mea hou aku he nui. E ʻike iā ia ma cindylamothe.com.