ʻO ka hihia no ka mua e pili ana i kāu moekolohe ma ka lā mua

Anter

• ʻO ke keu pono o ka puka ʻana i kahi lā mua
• He aha inā ʻaʻole wau e manaʻo palekana e puka i waho - A i ʻole pane pane maikaʻi ʻole lākou?
• He aha inā lākou e ʻae nei ... akā ʻaʻole ʻike nui e pili ana i ka LGBTQ +?
• Pehea e puka ai i ka lā mua (a i ʻole ma mua o kēlā)
• 1. E waiho i loko o kāu pili pili pili.
• 2. Kaʻana like i kāu pilikanaka.
• 3. Hoʻokomo iā ia i loko o ka manawa.
• 4. E kuha i waho!
• 5. E nīnau i kahi nīnau alakaʻi.
• Nānā no

ʻO ka hopena ia o ka lā mua. I kēia manawa, ua holo maikaʻi nā mea. Ua hoʻopā mākou i nā moʻolelo pili, ua hōʻoia i kā mākou pilina pili pili (ʻelua monogamous), kūkākūkā i kā mākou mau hewa ponoʻī, pili i ke aloha like o yoga a me CrossFit, a kaʻana like i nā kiʻi o kā mākou furbabies. E pili maoli ana me kēia kanaka - e kapa mākou iā ia ʻo Derek - akā aia nō kekahi mea nui a mākou i kamaʻilio ʻole ai e pili ana: ʻO kaʻu bisexuality.

Ua hoʻohālike koʻu hoa pili mua ʻaʻole i hōʻike ʻia kaʻu hoʻomaka hou ʻana i nā kāne o nā kāne like ʻole, a ʻo kā mākou noho ʻana e pili ana i ia mea i kōkua iaʻu ʻaʻole lawa. Makemake au e pale hou i kēlā ʻano ikaika, no laila, i ka lā helu ʻekahi me Derek, ua ʻōlelo malū wau.

"He mea nui ia iaʻu e hoʻomaopopo ʻoe he bisexual wau a e lilo nō wau i bisexual inā pili aloha kāua."

E like me ka rockstar ʻo ia, ua pane ʻo Derek, "ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka noho pū ʻana me aʻu ʻaʻole ia e hoʻololi i kou ʻano moe kolohe." Ua hele māua ʻo ia i ka launa ʻana no kahi kokoke i hoʻokahi makahiki. ʻOiai ua haki mākou (ma muli o ke kūlike ʻole o nā pahuhopu wā lōʻihi), manaʻo nui wau ʻo ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i kaʻu moekolohe ʻana me ia mai kinohi mai ke kumu o koʻu aloha a ʻike ʻia i ka wā e pili aloha ana mākou.

Ma muli o ia mea, ua hana au i kānāwai e puka i waho ma ke ʻano he bisexual i ka lā mua (a i kekahi manawa, ʻoiai ma mua). A koho aha? Ua ʻae ka poʻe akamai. ʻO ka psychotherapist a me ka male a me ka loea pili ʻo Rachel Wright, M.A., L.M.F.T. a me ke kākāʻōlelo laikini ʻo Maggie McCleary, L.G.P.C., ka mea loea i ka lawelawe ʻana i nā aliʻi, i ʻōlelo ʻia ʻo ka puka ʻana i kahi hoa kūpono ma mua o ka hopena he neʻe maikaʻi ia - inā manaʻo ʻoe e palekana i ka hana ʻana pēlā.

E heluhelu e aʻo i nā pōmaikaʻi o ka hele ʻana i kahi hoa pili hou ASAP. Eia kekahi, nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo no ka mālama ʻana iā ia, inā ʻoe he bisexual, pansexual, asexual, a i ʻole kekahi ʻāpana o ke ānuenue queer.

ʻO ke keu pono o ka puka ʻana i kahi lā mua

"ʻO ka kaʻana like ʻana i kou moekolohe e hiki ai i kāu hoa pili ke kiʻi i ke kiʻi piha loa iā ʻoe i ka wā hiki loa," wahi a McCleary. "A no ke olakino maikaʻi o ka pilina, makemake ʻoe e lilo ʻoe iā ʻoe iho," wahi a lākou.

Ke hele nei i waho e ʻae iā ʻoe e ʻike inā e ʻae ana ke kanaka i kāu moekolohe. Inā hele ʻoe i kāu lā a ʻaʻole lākou e pane maikaʻi a i ʻole e loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi manaʻo ʻaʻole lākou e, "he hōʻailona kēlā ʻaʻole lākou kekahi e ʻae ʻole iā ʻoukou āpau," wahi a McCleary. A ma kahi pilina maikaʻi a maikaʻi āu e makemake ai (a pono!) kēlā ʻae.

Nānā: "Inā ʻaʻole lākou e pane maikaʻi a ʻo ia ʻaʻole kahi mea haʻihaʻi nou, a laila aia paha kekahi mau mea ʻē aʻe āu e pono ai e loiloi i loko, "e noʻonoʻo ana i nā hōʻailona e ʻae ʻoluʻolu ʻoe e komo i kahi pilina maikaʻi ʻole, wahi a McCleary. . Hiki iā ʻoe ke loaʻa kekahi ma Psychology I kēia lā.)

ʻO ka puka ʻana i waho koke e hoʻopakele iā ʻoe mai ka hopohopo o ka *ʻaʻole* i kahi mea āu e hoʻomau ai i ka pilina. "ʻO ka lōʻihi o kou hōʻole ʻana i kāu moe kolohe me lākou, ʻoi aku ka nui o kou hopohopo e pili ana i kā lākou pane ʻana," wahi a McCleary. (Pili: Pehea ka 'puka ʻana i waho e hoʻomaikaʻi ai i koʻu olakino a me ka hauʻoli)

ʻO ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i ka hopohopo ke hele pū ʻia me nā ʻōuli o ke ʻano e like me ke kaumaha, ka makaʻu, a me ka makaʻu, a me nā ʻōuli o ke kino. (E ʻike i nā mea hou aʻe: He aha ka maʻi hōʻeha - a he aha ia ʻaʻole?)

He aha inā ʻaʻole wau e manaʻo palekana e puka i waho - A i ʻole pane pane maikaʻi ʻole lākou?

ʻO nā mea mua, e hoʻomanaʻo ʻoe ʻaʻole loa pono e puka i waho! "ʻAʻole loa ʻoe e ʻaiʻē i ka hele ʻana i kekahi - a ʻaʻohe ou hōʻaiʻē i kekahi mea āu e hele nei me ka lā mua," wahi a Wright.

No laila inā ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake e haʻi iā lākou, mai hana. A i ʻole inā e haʻi aku ana kou ʻōpū iā ʻoe ʻaʻole kēia kanaka * ʻae, mai hana. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, i ka hihia hope, ʻōlelo ʻo McCleary ua ʻae ʻia ʻoe e haʻalele i ka lā ma ka smack dab i waenakonu.

E ʻōlelo paha ʻoe:

• "ʻO ka mea āu i ʻōlelo wale mai nei he mea haki mea naʻu, no laila e lawe wau me ka mahalo iaʻu mai kēia kūlana."
• "He kānāwai ia naʻu e pili ʻole i nā transphobes a ʻo ka mea āu i ʻōlelo wale ai he transphobic, no laila e kāhea ana wau i ke koena o kēia lā."
• "ʻAʻole kūpono kēlā ʻōlelo i loko o koʻu puʻuwai, no laila e kala aku wau iaʻu iho."

Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻopili i ka lā a hiki i ka hopena a laila hoʻouna i kahi huaʻōlelo like i ka manawa i kou home? ʻOiaʻiʻo. "ʻO kou palekana kou helu ʻekahi, akā ʻaʻohe ala hewa e hoʻonoho mua ai i kou palekana, ke hana ʻoe," wahi a Wright. (E pili pū ana: He aha ke ʻano o ka noho ʻana i kahi pilina asexual)

He aha inā lākou e ʻae nei ... akā ʻaʻole ʻike nui e pili ana i ka LGBTQ +?

Inā ʻaʻole kamaʻāina ka mea āu e pili ana i ka lā me ke ʻano o ka LGBTQ +, inā ʻoe e hoʻomau i ka lā iā lākou he hoʻoholo pilikino maoli ia. Hiki mai ia i nā mea nui ʻelua.

ʻO ka mea mua, pehea ka nui o ka hana naʻau āu e makemake ai e hoʻokomo i ke aʻo ʻana i kēia kanaka e pili ana i kāu ʻike? Inā, no ka laʻana, ke ʻimi nei ʻoe i kāu bisexualite ponoʻī, ke aʻo ʻana e pili ana i ka bisexuality me kāu boo hou he hana hoʻopaʻa leʻaleʻa. Akā, inā he kanaka hoʻoikaika kino ʻoe no nā makahiki he ʻumi a i ʻole ke aʻo ʻana e pili ana i ka mōʻaukala LGBTQ+ no ka hana, ʻaʻole liʻiliʻi paha kou hoihoi i ka lawe ʻana i kahi hana hoʻonaʻauao ma kāu pilina.

ʻO ka lua, he mea koʻikoʻi iā ʻoe ka ʻae ʻana o ka poʻe āu e kamaʻilio nei a ʻike e pili ana i kāu aliʻi wahine? "Inā pili nui ʻoe i kou kaiāulu LGBTQ kaiāulu, ʻoi aku paha ka mea nui iā ʻoe e launa me kekahi mea e hoʻomaopopo i ka bisexuality ma mua o ka mea a ka bisexuality i hana nui ʻole ai i kā lākou pōʻai kaiāulu a i ʻole ke ola," wahi a Wright.

Pehea e puka ai i ka lā mua (a i ʻole ma mua o kēlā)

Hōʻike kēia mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo i ka hele ʻana i waho ʻaʻole pono e weliweli ke kani.

1. E waiho i loko o kāu pili pili pili.

Me nā kauoha hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i ka nohona, ua emi nā manawa e hālāwai ai me nā poʻe ma ka pā a i ʻole ka hale haʻuki. No laila inā e hālāwai ana ʻoe i nā mea aloha hou, ʻoi aku ka kiʻekiʻe o ka hiki ke hana ʻia ma nā polokalamu. I kēlā hihia, paipai ʻo McCleary e kau pono i kāu moekolohe i kāu pili. (Pili: Pehea ka Coronavirus e hoʻololi nei i ka Landscape Kālā)

I kēia mau lā, ʻo ka hapa nui o nā polokalamu aloha (Tinder, Feeld, OKCupid, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe) maʻalahi, ʻae iā ʻoe e koho mai nā ʻano like ʻole o nā kāne a me nā hōʻailona moekolohe e hōʻike pono ʻia i kāu pili. No ka laʻana, ʻae ʻo Tinder i nā daters e koho i ʻekolu mau huaʻōlelo e wehewehe pono i ko lākou moekolohe, e like me ka pololei, ka wahine, ka wahine wahine, ka wahine ʻelua, ka wahine ʻole, ka demisexual, pansexual, queer, a me nā nīnau. (Pili: Nā wehewehe ʻana o LGBTQ + Nā huaʻōlelo a kēlā me kēia e ʻike ai)

"Hiki iā ʻoe ke hōʻailona maʻalahi me ke ānuenue 🌈, ka hae ānuenue emojis 🏳️‍🌈, a i ʻole ka puʻuwai i ke kala o ka hae haʻaheo bisexual 💗💜💙," wahi a McCleary.

Inā ʻoe e ʻimi nei i kēia manawa i kāu moekolohe a ʻaʻole i kau ʻia ma kahi lepili (a i ʻole nā ​​mea he nui), hiki iā ʻoe ke kākau e like me ka nui i kāu pili, e kākau ʻo Wright. O kahi laʻana:

• "Ke ʻimi nei i kaʻu moekolohe a me ka ʻimi ʻana i nā hoaaloha a me nā mea aloha e makemake e hele mai i ka huakaʻi."
• "Ua puka mai nei ma ke ʻano pololei ʻole a ma aneʻi e mākaʻikaʻi ai i ke ʻano o kēia mea iaʻu."
• "Homophobes, misogynists, racists, a me biphobes e ʻoluʻolu e hana i kēia pēpē wai i mea aloha a swipe hema."

"ʻO ka hōʻike ʻana i kāu moe kolohe mai ka wā e hele ai e hoʻēmi i kekahi o ke koʻikoʻi a i ʻole ka hopohopo āu e pono ai e puka i ka lā mua," wahi a McCleary. Inā lākou swipe pono, uaʻike lākou i kāu moekolohe no ka mea aia ia ma kāuʻikepili. Hoʻohui, hana ia e like me kekahi ʻano kānana asshole, mālama iā ʻoe mai ke kūlike ʻana me nā poʻe e ʻae ʻole iā ʻoe.

2. Kaʻana like i kāu pilikanaka.

Aia ʻoe ma ka pāpili kaiaulu - ke kamaʻilio pinepine nei ʻoe e pili ana i kāu moekolohe ke kau ʻoe ma ka pilikanaka? Inā pēlā, koi ʻo Wright e kaʻana i kāu pāpili kaiapili ma mua o ka hui ʻana i kino. (Hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo e hana i kahi kamaʻilio wikiō wikiwiki i ka lā mua e hoʻoponopono ai i kēia a me kāu kemika maʻamau pū kekahi.)

"He mea maopopo, he wahi liʻiliʻi wale nō ka mea ma ka pūnaewele i koʻu ʻano ma ke ʻano he kanaka, akā ke hana nei wau ma Instagram no laila ke kaʻanalike nei i kuʻu lima i ala maikaʻi loa no ka mea e ʻike ai he bisexual wau, he aliʻi wahine a he polyamorous ... ʻoiai kekahi ke ʻike nei i koʻu ikaika holoʻokoʻa, "wehewehe Wright. (Pili: Eia ke ʻano o ka pilina Polyamorous)

3. Hoʻokomo iā ia i loko o ka manawa.

Ua nīnau paha kāu hoʻokūkū hou iā ʻoe inā ua ʻike ʻoe i nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni maikaʻi i kēia manawa? Ua nīnau lākou iā ʻoe i kāu mea e heluhelu nei? E pane me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, akā e kunou aku i kou moekolohe ʻoiai ʻoe e hana pēlā.

ʻO kahi laʻana: "Pīhoihoi wau, no laila, nui wau i nā pepa paʻi kiʻi a nānā wale wau i ka Hōʻike," a i ʻole, "mai koʻu puka ʻana mai he bisexual, ke heluhelu nei wau i nā memo bi biia ʻole. Ua hoʻopau wau Tomboyland na Melissa Faliveno. "

ʻO ka pōmaikaʻi o kēia ala ke mālama i kāu moekolohe mai ka manaʻo e like me kēia haʻi nui. "Hoʻololi ia i ke kaʻina 'puka ʻana' mai kahi mea koʻikoʻi i kahi kumuhana e hala ana," ke ala like āu e kūkākūkā ai i kahi ʻāpana ʻē aʻe o kou ʻike, e like me kahi i ulu ai ʻoe. (E pili ana: Ellen ʻAoʻao i ka puka ʻana i ka makahiki 27 a me ka hakakā ʻana no nā kuleana LGBTQ)

4. E kuha i waho!

Mai waiho i kou makemake e laumania e pale iā ʻoe mai ka hōʻino ʻana i kāu ʻoiaʻiʻo. "ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole e mālama kekahi mea pono maoli ka pilina pehea haʻi ʻoe iā lākou he bi a he aliʻi wahine paha ʻoe, "wahi a Wright.

Hōʻike kēia mau laʻana i hiki ke like ka maikaʻi o ka clunky me ka laumania:

• "ʻAʻole maopopo iaʻu pehea e lawe ai i kēia akā makemake wale wau e hōʻike iā ʻoe he bi wau."
• "ʻAʻole pili loa kēia i ka mea a mākou e kamaʻilio nei akā makemake wau e haʻi i ka poʻe aʻu e hele pū ana me koʻu bi. No laila, eia wau e haʻi aku nei iā ʻoe!."
• "Maikaʻi loa kēia lā! Akā ma mua o kā mākou hana ʻana i nā hoʻolālā e hiki mai ana, makemake wau e hōʻike iā ʻoe he bisexual wau."

5. E nīnau i kahi nīnau alakaʻi.

"Inā hiki iā ʻoe ke loaʻa i nā ana lehulehu i ka manaʻo o kēia kanaka a i ʻole ka politika, e loaʻa paha iā ʻoe kahi ʻano maikaʻi inā e ʻae paha lākou i nā ʻikepili marginalized (moekolohe a kāne paha) āu e hoʻopiʻi ai," wahi a McCleary.

Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke nīnau, no ka laʻana: "He aha nā huakaʻi a i ʻole nā ​​hanana BLM āu i hele ai i kēia mahina?" aiʻole "He aha kou manaʻo no ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa pelekikena hou loa?" aiʻole "Ma hea ʻoe e kiʻi ai i kāu nūhou o ke kakahiaka?"

Mai kēia ʻike a pau, hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻāwīwī pū inā ʻo ka mea āu e kamaʻilio pū nei e welo nei i nā lepa ʻulaʻula a i nā hae ānuenue - a hoʻoholo iā ʻoe iho inā makemake ʻoe e mālama iā lākou a puni.

Nānā no